Uni-Ready

So here i am, actually writing something again. Weird isn't it? Not entirely surprising that i am writing something but it has been forever, and i seem to recall writing something during the summer about how i wouldn't let this blog go un-posted on for a long time... But i have, and i probably will continue to do so.

See, now i have stuff to do, and can access the internet at a decent pace. It actually turns out that i can load stuff within like 10 minutes! Five even! And so i find myself with other things to do. As well here at university i haven't really spent as much time in introspection as i have during the summer. Why that is i haven't pinpointed, but i haven't.

And without as much introspection, without the idea to just sit down and start writing to de-stress every single day because i am not as stressed... well it makes writing stuff actually a lot harder. Interesting, kinda like that idea that darkness brings out more creativity than light. Fits in with what Freud said about artists using other frustrations (namely sexual frustration) to fire arts, to fuel the works that they do.

Me and my darkness... well mine is still there, as deep and dark as ever, but it is hidden from beneath a towering pile of other stuff that i am enjoying in life right now. I like my classes, even if i find the profs or the readings dull i like that i am learning all about people and why we do what we do. I have got to meet a tonne of people, including people i have known only through the internet. As well i am on my own, finally getting the chance to grow into myself outside from my family.

Which adds an interesting point, apparently this is the time most students begin to feel truly homesick, the time they begin to miss all the other stuff that had happened. Now this has made me think about my last 2 years at home. I took a victory lap in high school to take the other courses that i couldn't fit or were not offered during my grade 12 year. After that i spent a year hiding from the world in my job making money to afford school. Both points are true, i was hiding because having to go out and be responsible terrifies me, and i couldn't have been able to pay for even one semester of school had i gone last year.

But apparently i should have gone. Interesting statement, i know. But the thing is, i am so happy here in comparison to all the stresses that i have had at home... I should have gone to university either one or two years ago, gone and began this whole process. Of course then how could i have known that? And what would have happened if i had gone? Would i really have been ready or would i just have been in the process of becoming ready?

Uni-Life

Hey I am back on posting, and now i have to say something from a Bo Burnham video: Hello, did you miss me? Well then go FU-"

Now that the intro that i have been wanting to type for a while is out i can get down to making the crappy blog posts you all know and for some strange reason enjoy. I am at university now, have been since the 7th of September.

And a lot has happened, i have met people, pulled damn near all nighters, eaten junk food, fallen asleep in lectures, and wasted loads of time on the internet. And i got my computer back so HUZZA! And now i have a decent internet for the first time in my life. As such i can actually watch streaming video! I CAN GO ON YOUTUBE!

Ya, very shocking idea, i know. And so i am in university and should have tonnes of stories to tell, but i don't really want to tell them all now. They feel like they are my stories, to tell in person. But i do have something i kinda want to talk about now.

One of the classes i am taking is cultural studies, it is basically the study of what is culture. Culture is one of those things that i can't define and neither can anyone else that i have seen. Well anywho it turns out the class so far seems to be the biggest bit of bullshit i have ever sat through.

It seems to me that the class is one run by professors who get there rocks off on being profs. Cruel, harsh, and judging, i know. One of those things that once it is said which seems like slander or something else which i could be sued for. I can't be, i am just stating that this is the impression i got from the first few lectures.

Then something different happened yesterday. See, in cultures i also lucked out with getting my favorite TA for the class. He is my favorite simply because... i dunno why but he is. Anywho, back to what i was saying, i didn't look forward to the lecture but did look forward to the seminar with my TA because it was actually interesting.

Anywho yesterday i actually found the lecture interesting. It was a different prof talking, she somehow inspired me to actually sit up and pay attention. Her lecture was about language and how it is formed from ideas, but how we could never truly know language because we never really know the ideas of other people.

It was fascinating and confusing and messed with the heads of everyone who was listening. The talk left my head spinning, she let us question her and answered us. The lecture had discussion to it. It had a back and fourth. She was willing to admit things that she didn't know to us. It was so refreshing to listen to, to hear a prof who didn't try to make it sound like they knew everything under the sun.

And yet other people found it frustrating and annoying. They found the fact that she didn't claim to know everything, to offer certainty frustrating. It makes me think about my own perspective. If i find the lack of a center, the lack of ground beneath me comforting what does that say about me? And what does it mean to say that we take comfort from people who don't admit their own ignorance, and dislike those who do?

Missing My Computer

OK so back to blogging because i have most definatly fallen out of the habbit. I sent my computer away to be fixed, had it for like a week at the most and sent it away again, so now here i sit, blogging on a computer at university, missing my laptop.

It isn't so much that i miss my laptop though, it is more than i miss the people i use it to talk to. I guess it is kind of just a seeking of comforts from the past. My computer was something i had there all the time, that and my TV.

I never worried about not having a TV at university because i would just go online and find shows or watch DVDs but now i have ended up reading for most of my free time in my room. Which isn't really a bad thing. Hell it is a good thing.

But because i am not used to it, i end up missing my computer. I have been attached to that laptop for so long that when i have time to sit down and think about it i miss it. Lucky for me i brought most of my favorite books and have been staying busy all week. So i guess that is my mission until i get the call that my computer is fixed, stay busy.

Blocked in and Worried

So lately, well for a while now, i have been encountering an issue with my writing. That issue being that i seem to be losing the creativity that allowed me to write stuff that aparently was captiviating before. Now instead i seem to be stuck in writing these rants, rather than working towards writing any sort of great novel.

Now this really bugs me, writing was my talent, my gift. I feel kind of like how i assume the main character must have felt at the end of the Amber Spyglass, unable to access a talent that before had come to her so effortlessly.

I can't access that part of myself that holds those words to captivate and describe. I can't begin a new story, create new characters and new worlds. It all feels beyond me now and as such fills me with a frustration that wants to boil over.

A part of me feels that this stems from my efforts to try and become more satisfied with life, to become happier. If i am happy, if i am content, then how am i supposed to be able to pull out my own internal darkness and conflict and turn it into words that speak to the soul of those reading them?(just to make my writing sound a little more impressive)

The only solution i can currently think of is that i need to read something, anything, perhaps all the great books that i have been talking about on here, and leave my own writing alone for a while.

But i don't want to leave my writing for a period of time, leave my blog. My writing... it has become a sort of ritual i do when something begins to trouble me. When i feel stressed or angst about something i come and sit at my desk and i write and write and write until i feel that i have removed all the current issues about it, or all the relevent parts.

I write until i feel that my writing has allowed me time to see my own thoughts clear enough to move on. So i guess i will keep writing here, and i will also take time to write somewhere else, and see what i can come up with. Who knows? Maybe this is just a short stop in my growth...

How i hope so.

Experience

Well i am back, my laptop is back in from its third send off in two years meaning the next thing to go wrong equals a brand new one! Wootles! Anywho, off of my tech semi detox i gotta say this one was way easier than the other times i have been without my computer, and i want to give props to the reasons why.

First and foremost would be the people who kept me busy, so thanks to my friends, family, girlfriend, and my boss who kept scheduling me for 40 hours a week despite my part time status. Next props goes out to my cell phone which has become my top way to keep in touch with people, through both texts and tweets. Final props has to go again to my girlfriend and the public library both of which provided me with internet access when i really strongly needed it.

So now i am back to my online life with what i hope is a new and lasting perspective. And so i have many things to write about (but as if i could come up with something planned in advance...).

So I'll go with something i saw today which happened to pop some new ideas into my head after meditating. I was walking down the street in Bowmanville and i saw a person get in their car, drive off, and head towards a subdivision that was within reasonable walking distance.

That made me think about what is going on with people driving places all the time and always being in a rush to get from place to place. This brings me to talking about my job.

Yesterday was my last day before my student leave began, yet rather than being filled with happiness that i was leaving i felt a melancholy fill me. I had been working their for almost three years, 40 hours a week for most of the summer. And now it was all over.

I had grown attached to the suffering that was so associated with working so much. With this sudden lift of it i had no clue what to feel. Which brings me to a book on power written by a Buddhist teacher, it is called The Art of Power. The teacher is Thich Nhat Hanh. In the book he talks about how people "never really walk on the ground" but rather as we walk we think about all the things going on in the past or that might happen in the future.

The point is that the woman who was driving home so fast, not wasting a single second, was doing just that, driving on all her worries as fast as possible, back to her stronghold. When an animal is scared it will go to somewhere it feels safe, a den or barn. I think that with all of our lack of interaction prompted by computers and texting and email we have retreated from really knowing what to do in the real world.

Because of this we don't really take the time to step outside our patterns and experience new things. We don't look for new places and people because we have too many things to think about, too many experiences to worry over. So we need to retreat to our strongholds, our dens, as fast as possible.

Anywho i hope meditation will help me to wake up from this a bit. I hope it will help me to let go of my suffering faster, and not miss the pain when it is gone.

Challenge to people who read this for the next month: take one walk a week and go to a totally new area. Totally experience it when you are there, don't think about the past or the future or what else could be happening anywhere else. Be present.

My Role Model

Alright so i am blogging from the public library today because of the fact that my computer is still being fixed and i refuse to use my sister's incredably old one at home. The thing is so slow that i am almost certain that it would freeze when i started typing on blogger. Not that the library is much better... oh how i miss my computer, this is deffinatly a wake up call to how lucky i am to have it. Anywho this is my first chance to blog about something that i have wanted to talk about for a while now.

Jason Mraz. I lucked out along with a bunch of other people who entered the Scene Contest for tickets to his recent show at the Molson Ampitheatre where he rocked out in an awesome show. The guy was... well he was the best preformer i have ever seen in concert.

To give you an idea of who i am comparing him to i have seen the following live, Seether, Three Days Grace, Avril Lavigne, Faber Drive, State of Shock, David Usher, and ill Scarlett. It may not be a very long list but there are some impressive people on it. And to me at least Jason Mraz blew them all away(as i sit in a public library in the t-shirt i bought there).

It was an impressive concert with a great venue and the opening act's lined up (at least in my mind) with the type of music that the headliner plays better than several others. Of course there was the concert enviorment from the very beginning, people all ready and waiting, the pressure building, anticipation wasn't the pleasue for people there but it was about as thick as the tension in a steriotypical murder mystery.

Then when he finally came on stage it went wild. The other acts had done great music and had nice lights but the set up had barely been used and it made it all the more impressive when Jason opened up and began to play.

So the enviorment was as ripe for a great experiance, people seemed to expect greatness from him and he did not disappoint. But there was more to it than that, for me at least... Do you remember the music magazine blender?

Well in their final print issue they featured Jason Mraz... That was the first time i found out that Mr. Mraz was and is someone who practices Zen, is a vegitarian surfer and scrabble junkie who grows his own organic food. Like dude, loved this guys music since i first heard it the summer between grade 10 and 11, i remember telling people on msn to download him dispite not having a clue at the time how to spell his name.

And now, after i have finished most of my spiritual search, and i have finished it when it comes to considering things outside of Buddhism, is it any wonder that my favorite male singer for several years now follows that very same belief?

Back to the concert, i guess what made him so amazing was... Well at Avril's concert she played the crowd, just like a good preformer should. But Jason seemed more genuine and he worked to spread a very hippie-ish message where he was trying to spread the vibe of The Gratitude Cafe through the world. Like the guy is actively working on spreading goodness and happiness through the world with one of his messages being live your life to leave things better than you found them, people and places.

The t-shirt i bought has a hidden message in it which i think is the Om symbol but i am not sure, and it is orgnaically made. His other message was don't let your mind stop you from having fun. I mean come on, that is a perfect message for people to hear, it resonated with me so well that i have had to spread it and rant about it to those people who i hoped would listen.

Because that is what worries me, his message was great, and he said it to a massive crowd of people. People of different ages and different orgins and behaviours all coming together to hear him sing. But i wonder how many people listen to the words in-between the music? How many people noted what the actual meaning was? And how many will carry it forward?

(P.S. If you haven't heard his music listen to the song The Dynamo of Volition for the music and Life is Wonderful or Song for a Friend for the words)

So this will be my second post tonight, for the reason because i have had a lot of things spinning around my head. The one i want to talk about now is the stupid thing my sister's friend was saying the other day. I had picked them up from training their cows (questions for another day).

Anywho my sister was asking for book recommendations from her friend, as well as me. She tends to read like a fiend during the summer because there is little left to do here during the summer. I want her to check out the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind but she doesn't want to start something that is 13 books long, around 700 pages each. As such she wanted other recommendations. My next choice was Bloodletting, to which my sister said it would be sad, and then my sister's friend said that she never reads anything that is real or watches movies which are based on true stories because she doesn't want to be depressed by them.

That strikes me as ridiculous. To willingly blind yourself to the things that happen out in the real world because they are depressing. To refuse to see things as they are means that all kinds of things escape you. Change ceases to happen. Issues over the globe are ignored. People already don't watch the news, don't protest, lose their passion over issues (i do this too), and tend to look the other way when it comes to problems larger than themselves.

As humans we are all tiny and individual, to quote a line from a book by Brian Jacques called Martin the Warrior "We all are like tiny droplets of water, scattered easily by a single hand, but if we are united together we can become a powerful stream with the strength to even erode boulders." People are truly like this yet now we are more separate than ever before.

To blind yourself to what is out there is what could allow someone to rise to power like Hitler again, to allow rights and freedoms to be taken away. You need to read and watch things that are real, it lets you see what is real. Imagination and fantasy are important but the real world is where we all are, and we need to see it or we wont survive in it for long.

Tech Detox

Hmm, what to blog? What to blog?... Well there are a lot of things that are possible but what do i feel like? I don't really feel like writing about anything in particular... But i want to write about something, see i plan to send my computer in to be worked on soon, meaning that the only time i will have access to the internet will be at my girlfriend's house.

Its going to be a total shift from what i tend to spend my time doing now. I use my laptop for almost everything, i blog on it, peruse blogs, research things. I write on it, i use it to watch videos, to watch DVDs, to listen to music, charge my ipod, and plan things out. It is kinda dissapointing relying on this peice of machinery so much, it has become a center point in my life. It and my cell phone are my life lines out of my house because i live so far away from anywhere else.

Anywho the next little while without my laptop will be interesting. So that will probably be my first post when i get back. Detoxing from the online world. I will still be plugged in though, so the question is how bad will it be? Last time it happened i was angryer than normal and had a shorter fuse.

The Righteous Rage Becomes my Cage

So i don't know exactly why i am blogging this... I guess its because i need to take an action right now to get some of the stuff bouncing around the inside of my skull out and this is the least self destructive way to do so.

So i've got family from New Brunswick in the area for this weekend, and they would fit in really well with George Bush and his cronies or so i think. Ya, that is right, i am related to bible thumpers. Somebody who thinks that Zen is the way to go, and a big part of my genetics is linked to people who dislike gays cause it says so in the old testament and yet love Jesus in the new one, even though he says "love thy neighbor" and "judge not lest yea be judged". My two favorite quotes from him.

And tonight after working for 8 and a half hours, starting this morning at 7 am (thats the time i had to be there, not when i woke up...) i was expected by my mom to go and make polite conversation with them about life and ignore any and all comments about gays, sex, life in general.

And i said no, flat out no, i will not do it. I wont go and suffer through it and have to associate with people whom i so strongly disagree with who will proceed to gossip about me behind my back (despite the fact that thats a no no in the bible too, check the old testament this time). And this is a major problem to my mom. She falls into the category of believing that family means come and smile and be pretty whenever they are in town then go back to insulting them once the plane takes off.

And i said no because, well, hypocrisy has always been waaaaaaaaaaay up there in my pet peeves, and i just can't stand to do it when i am falling asleep during my shift at work. If i had some more sleep sure, if i was in a job i hated less sure, if i was given a little more advance warning then defiantly a plus.

But i got none of this, and so i said no, i refused and my mom left basically crying after a near record holding shouting match between us. It was the first time i had managed to not shout for nearly the entire time too. But i did crack, and i yelled, and now i see the results of rage.

Because i love my mom, yes i love my mommy. And I'm seeing right now that maybe this once i should have given in to what she wanted instead of insisting for my own independence right now like i have been for months. Because that is why i fight her on things so often, i need my space to grow and start making my own mistakes (not that i don't make them now, but i need some freedom, why else would i be so desperate for residence?).

So i guess my point deep within all this rambling is consider your own motives, and when you have done that, consider them again. Then consider the other person's reasons for what they want. Then you can make up your mind.

Chips and Dip

So this is a post that actually hasn't been a long time coming. Rather it is something that i want to write about now because it came up the other night when i was talking to a friend of mine and well... It seems like a good blog post to offer up to the world.

As i have and will continue to state over and over i practice some Zen Buddhist practices, and generally believe the same things as Buddhists do. Now me, i am a passionate person, i tend to get really involved with things that i think about, like say politics (DOWN WITH THE CONSERVATIVES!!!) or women's rights, or music (ROCK ON BNL).

So i tend to also get angry often and fast, but most of the time i am very good at letting go of my emotions before they do something negative. Namely, i am a master of chillaxin and takin a break. As such, even though i get angry about things people think of me as a happy person because i usually have a big goofy grin on my face (unless i am getting\taking a picture).

Meanwhile when i was talking to a friend of mine the other night at work about how stressed out she was getting and how it was effecting her life. She has been having trouble sleeping and getting close to a breakdown (interesting isn't it how that place seems to eat people's souls for snacks?).

I took a few moments before ranting at her to consider why she is stressing herself out so much that she is suffering from insomnia. And this is what i came up with, the society that we live in is one which promotes flaunting your suffering. It isn't enough to have a job, it has to be a job that you complain about. Your best friend isn't just the person who you have known the longest, they are also the person you talk to about your significant other (aka complain to).

What is with the obsession with the negative we all seem to have? Why does everybody have to have some kind of problem in their life? And yes i know i spend most of my blog posts ranting about things that i want improved in my life and that this one will probably come off as me being all pissy that people can't handle their problems all 1950's style.

The issue here is that our lives aren't really that hard, i have known people who have rights for their angst and people who are making their problems worse than they actually are. Most of us fall into the second category. I can admit i do, my only real issue with life is that i am bound to a job that i don't like in any way shape or form. And even that i don't really mind most days, just when i have dodged meditation for a long time it starts to pile up.

So why do we flaunt suffering and carry it around with us wherever we go? Why is it that we want to suffer more than we want to be happy? The answer i come up with is simply that whoever has the most angst wins.

I'm gonna explain this with a story, back when i was a little kid i was in boy scouts and my mom was one of the leaders. (my mom is awesome by the way, and i know it despite how often we fight or argue, i know i could have it a lot worse)

Anywho there was this kid in the group who wasn't exactly liked by most people there, he was basically the negative opinion of most society when they think about those "damn kids". So most of us disliked him in the group as well yet for some reason my mom took time with him basically making him her favorite of us all. This bugged me at the time because i wanted to be my mom's favorite, but he was.

The way my mom explained it to me was that if i knew what he had been through i would understand but that she couldn't tell me. I think we have grown up on that idea, that the kids who had bad stuff happen to them deserve and often get special treatment. It is prevalent throughout the rest of society as well with the treatment of minorities as well (and i know i shouldn't really be saying this what with me being a white male in Canada).

But the problem with this is that as kids we don't really see it that way (or at least i didn't, maybe i am that different). Instead we see it as whoever complains the most gets treated special, and we start to carry our angst around with us. The problem is that because this behavior is learned so young people keep doing it throughout their teens, stressing themselves out to get special treatment.

There is a great episode of Scrubs covering this in season 6 where one of the characters is cruel to people all the time, yet whenever she goes to far simply says "my parents were mean to me" and people forgive and forget. Chips on the shoulder have begun to excuse any kind of behavior, even if they are of the person's own making.

If you check out the book Tuesdays With Morrie you will eventually get to the line that says basically (because i cannot remember it word for word) we live in a society where people get hurt all the time but it is acceptable to us because it is much harder for us to start our own society.

Well that's what i am trying to do, let go of my past pains and angst and move on. Come on people, come with me, put that chip down, and grab a plate of nachos instead.

Some More Angst

So i have a bit more angst for y'all. Recently i came to a conclusion about myself while listening to my favorite podcast, Zen is Stupid. I came to the conclusion that i cannot work for any large company when i am older because i simply have that much dislike against large companies/organizations.

This conclusion came to me because my job has become increasingly stressful for me recently. One of the reasons for this i am sure is that it simply has become too much of the same, with nothing new it becomes hard to know if what i am doing really matters, i fill shelfs and they empty, i fill them, they empty, day in day out.

Then this week my department was given extra people from other departments to help us. We usually have an assistant manager and a manager as well as myself but the assistant moved on to a nicer place. As such i have not only outlasted 5 assistant managers, and have the most seniority in the dairy/frozen department. As such i was in charge of these people. Now because of this when they needed help on knowing what to do next or where something was they asked me, but when i wanted them to do something, i was SOL because i had no official authority over them. If i wanted any kind of authority over them i would have to stick around there for years before i managed to hear about a job that no full timer wanted so i could get it.

Therefore i developed a kind of stress out where i considered walking out in the middle of my shift. It was driving me up the wall that much.

As well i grew up in an environment where no matter how the government/random company acts there is some way that it could have been done better. This sort of attitude seems to have infected my thought process so that every single time i think about the fact that i work for a big company i feel sick with myself. I offer up products that i don't really believe are good for people, support a business that slowly is eating up smaller producers, and work in an environment that i can't stand.

The entire thing was knocked home for me the other night when i was talking to a guy i used to work with. He got a job as a full-time, assistant night manager. The job had been forcing him to be up all night and try to sleep during the day. He hadn't been about to and had lost somewhere around 80 pounds in addition to having problems with his diet and his personal relationships with people.

Anyways recently he had a breakdown at work, began crying and went home. He got a doctor's note for a week off and now is hoping to switch to any other job the boss will allow. This drives home how i can't work for any company, at least with the mindset i have now because i was close to that point earlier this week and i wasn't under the stress of months at working during the nights. I will need to be someone who works for myself or at least a company where i believe in their work.

P.S. when grocery shopping don't complain about your feet hurting or how far you have to walk, the people working will have been on their feet longer and will be walking further.

Cruel Intentions, Misunderstood Intentions, Good Intentions.

OK so this post... Well let me go with this movie i have been obsessing over ever since i have watched it on Fox one afternoon. This movie is called Cruel Intentions and it stars Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, and Reese Witherspoon. If you haven't seen this movie i highly recommend it to you, it is kinda really amusing yet very deep undertones.

Beware though, if you keep reading i will spoil a couple plot points for you. This is my disclaimer, don't get pissed at me if i ruin bits for you.

So in the movie Ryan's character is trying to seduce Witherspoon's in order to win a bet with his step sister which means she will sleep with him. Yep, the movie is all about sex, sex, and for fun a little more sex.

Now keep in mind that Witherspoon in this movie is such a proud advocate for waiting to be in love before having sex that she is actually the subject of an article in 17 magazine. This movie portrays something which began to come to the forefront of my mind recently.

In our society we seem to have a certain kind of love for those in extremes. Couples are in extremes of love, on and off again, people who are pure and seem amazing or people who are completely evil and seem to have no traces of good anywhere on their soul.

These are the people we tend to watch, the geniuses, the mad scientists, the one demensional people who we pigeon hole into being good or bad, but not the ones in-between. But then as the movie goes on you see Ryan's character beings to develop some better characteristics he actually becomes more interesting as a person, even as he is less interesting to just watch, i found myself becoming involved with the character, rooting for him (as you should in a good movie).

This leads me to think about why do we find these people more entertaining? I think it may be due to the laziness we all have somewhere deep inside us. We don't really want to get to know everyone that detailed because if we did then we would have to remember it all, we would be invested in all of them that deeply, and each pain that happened would affect us a little more. Instead of watching the news and thinking about the stupid people in Toronto you might find yourself knowing the people involved.

It goes back to the idea that there is no good or bad, there is just differing shades of grey. I guess i just think that even though the movie is great and features a lot of comedy and drama maybe we all should look beyond it, and see that each person is more than just the one dimension.

How to Grocery Shop and Not Make the Staff want to Kill You...

OK so this is the post filled with angst that my job has me wanting to make each and every single day i am there. If you buy your food from a grocery store, then you need to read this list. This is the list of things to do and to not do in the store you do your shopping in.

Firstly, if you have kids, don't bring them unless you can control them. If you bring your kids into the store you should not have to yell at them, tell them to do something more than twice, or be impatient with them. I know, sounds hard right? But here is the dirty little secret, you chose to have kids, and they aren't necessary for buying food. Leave them somewhere else if you can't have them behave.

Next, you know that lovey dovey partner you have? The one you miss every single second you are apart? Ya, feel free to shop with them, feel free to kiss them, but keep moving, and remember there are other people besides you. If you want to go around the store slowly, then shop late at night where people can go around you. But don't shop slowly when the store is full.

On that note, you know your old when you only meet your friends at the local grocery store and need to catch up on every single detail of each other's lives. Well guess what? There are places where you can go to to sit and do this out of the way, don't congregate together and block the way.

Next, shop with at least 2 people. Yep, do it in a group so you can get stuff as you go, and have someone to check the prices at the cash register together, and have someone to make sure you don't make a colossal ass out of yourself. Believe it or not no matter how much you complain we can't change things for you. The more that you complain about it the less we really want to help you.

Now on that note, sometimes we actually do want to help you. Yes, there are days when we feel like being good people and would like to show you around the store, but generally it isn't up there on my list of things to do before i die. So listen, its OK to ask for someone to check for things in the back if they are walking slowly, if they are working slowly, or if they are asking if you need help. But if you see someone talking on a phone, leading someone somewhere, working very fast, or walking very fast in one direction don't bother them. These are the people who are doing something more important and most likely your question will waste their time.

As well when you ask people questions set an example for the kids you really shouldn't be bringing shopping and ask it politely, if you are rude when talking to people they may do one of my favorite things. We go in the back and because the person was being such an ass to us we go and find someone to shoot the shit with for say 5 minutes before putting on worried/regretful face and walking out to tell you that "I am so sorry but i can't find any, we must be out of stock..." then no matter what you tell me, no matter how many times you have been to the store, no matter what you think about the people who place the orders i can't be held responsible. And you are going home with whatever was worth making the fuss.

If this does happen to you, don't ask for someone else to go look, don't ask to speak to a manager, just let it go and leave. If it is that important for you to get whatever this product is than you can afford to go somewhere else. Because if you bring up a manager and get them to get whomever you were dealing with in trouble they will A) tell every single person they know about how you are such an ass and B) probably get in trouble at the job they need. Nobody works at a grocery store for the inner peace it gives them.

While in a grocery store ask a person about the items, and this is the tricky part AROUND THEM!!!! Don't go to say the person at the meat counter and ask about bras or to the person in electronics about mangoes. They wont know, true they might be able to get a hold of someone who knows but it will be a major pain in the ass, instead hang out in the department in question, you will be helped eventually.

Keep in mind that if you want to buy a lot of stuff then you should be putting aside at least half a day, and plan it out to be done starting really early or finishing really late. This way you can have some time in the store when it isn't jammed with people so that you can get some help and move around. Shopping during weekdays also is a good idea.

Now i don't like the whole shopping for even a month in advance, if your going to do your shopping in advance i think it should be for about a week at a time, this way you aren't buying as much at a time so you can leave sooner. Plus this way i think your food is slightly more likely to be healthy.

OK next rule, look around you. Most of the time people will run up to me and ask about where some kind of product is, not noticing that they walked right by it to get to me. So look around, be observant, pay attention. Just look around you and use your head and you can find most of the things in the store.

Finally just keep in mind that the people who work there are people. Treat them the way they should be treated, and that they don't want to spend as much time there as much as you.

Internet Media

So here i am again, i did not die, i just... slacked off on posting which is something i will probably always have a tendency to do. But i dragged myself back. By my GTD list (getting things done) i did. So here i am at my computer, struggling to focus through several msn conversations and a splitting headache but focus i will because i will not let this blog go for more than a week without a new post!

So here i am writing and for a while a lot of different topics bounced around my head. I can't help that i have a load of opinions but not all of them will make it onto this blog, not all of them are worth your time (that's right, i have worse crap than the stuff i have been writing about hiding somewhere in my head). But in the end i decided to do another post about stuff for you to read other than things written by me.

But i am not going with a genre to recommend from, this time i am going with internet media, meaning there are many more forms available. So here they are the things i think you should read/listen to online. Keep in mind the things i recommend here all have tonnes of past archives that are just as good as the current updates.

First and foremost i want to tell you to read Waiter Rant which is also the title of the book by the same author, Steve Dublanica. His work can vary from the humorous to the crazy to the awesome to the truly inspiring. He talks generally about human nature and society as seen from his unique perspective. He was going to become a priest but grew disillusioned with the church, entered the medical administrative field, got black balled from that, and became a waiter. His story and the stories he has picked up along the way can often be just what you need to cheer yourself up or inspire you to become a better person.

The next rung of the ladder is in a similar vein to Steve, the blog is called Opinionsatas and is the rise of a young woman in New York named Melissa Lafsky. She is much more of a societal writer and deals more with feminist issues she sees in society. Her blog is something you would need to go to the archives to read as she tends to not update it as often, working instead for a paying blog, the Huffington post.

To continue the trend i have started (aka the order i began reading these blogs) i will go with the blog Girl With a One Track Mind. Taking feminist issues a step further along with all other things relating to sex or the left wing of politics this blog belongs to Zoe (i fail to recall her last name) who is the author of the book with the same name under the pseudonym Abby Lee. For a more in depth look at my views on relationships and sex check her blog out, i am in line with most of her thinking and differ mainly on her views of religion.

From here we get back to guys talking with the blog Todger Talk which is run by several men from the British Isles who write about sex love and relationships handing out advice to guys and gals on behavior, cleanliness and all other things people really need to know. They also add a picture to each post which i find nice, but am
too lazy to do here. Besides, i admit i am a writer not a photographer.

OK on the writer vibe head over to http://jimbutcher.livejournal.com/ to check out the blog from one of my favorite authors who through the few old posts available will teach you more about writing a novel than an entire semester of writer's craft did for me. This is of course a technique used to write out from a formula, not from a free fall, or a way to spark creativity (though if it does for you kudos).

And the last blog i will list is by another favorite author of mine. I picked up his first book on a trip to New York with my school and have been thankful ever since, The Frontal Cortex is by Jonah Lehrer who brings science and art together in awesome and new ways as well as keeping me updated on new discoveries and such that i would otherwise totally miss. His writing is relatable and reliable and should be read if you want to be somewhat slightly informed on genetics. He also links to the articles he references so you can improve your knowledge if you internet is slightly faster than dial up.

And the final thing i will recommend is the listen portion. Check out Zen is Stupid the podcast for entertainment on Zen Buddhism and life in general. It is the second place i started going to for information when i became interested in Buddhism again (the first is the TV show Life which, while entertaining, is not that informative). Check out their podcast on itunes or at there website and let it rock your socks.

(P.S. all the labels are for the other blogs listed here, because their topics cover damn near everything)

(P.P.S. I thought i had published this post but apparently not...)

Alanis, How Right You Are...

So there is a song out i think you should listen to. Yes you. I don't care who you are or that you only listen to death metal. I don't care that you think Alanis Morissette is a terrible singer who should have her voice box torn out (best insult i could think of).

Go turn on your Limewire or Frostwire and download the song Versions of Violence. It is a great song (at least to me cause i like the singer) but also because i think that the topic is something that gets a lot of air time in discussions and school and TV commercials but doesn't really enter too much of how we live our lives.

We live our lives thinking (well me at least) quite often how actions could hurt other people. But though we can scream and yell at other people for causeing harm to still more people or to ourselves but how often do we consider how our actions harm others? I know i don't near enough. I am still a way better critic of others than of myself (so if you know me please call me on it).

But the second point i want to raise here is we tend to consider violence something physical and that it only tends to really have one basic form (hitting people, even stabbing someone is similar to a hitting action). Meanwhile there we (or i hope we do) aknowledge that there is more to a person than simply their body(note kindergarden: its what is on the inside that counts).

Violence comes in many forms, and this is one of the reasons i like the language latin more than english (even though i don't speak it and don't plan to take courses on it), words have more than one meaning and in saying a word you need to consider more than the single meaning. Violence should be considered in my humble (ha ha) opinion something that harms someone else.

Now we need to define harm, because face it, harm can also mean tonnes of other things. To be honest the first thing i think of when i think the word harm is the first aid symbol. But harm is so much more than that. To get at my definition of harm we are going to use another word.

Suffering. Thats right people, we are heading back into Buddhist territory! Noble Truth Numerio Uno, Life is suffering! But what is suffering? Suffering is anthing that is a negative, hunger, pain, depression, reliance on a substance, greif, basically any form of pain (not getting the prom dress you wanted? yep that counts too).

To me harm is simply the result of an act of violence which causes suffering to someone. The equation goes something like this suffering is pain,voilence results in harm to someone which creates pain which is suffering.

Now one of the points of becoming Buddhist (or in my case a buddhist practioner, not an actual buddhist) is to help reduce suffering in the world through mindfullness. Mindfullness is being aware of what your doing. To explain that i shall tell a story.

Yesterday i was driving with a friend of mine to pick up my little sister but while driving we were having a very animated discussion, which distracted me so i missed the turn to where she would be not once but twice! This is an example of not being mindfull, i didn't pay attention to my actions or their consiquences, instead going on insticnt which resulted in a waste of gas and time (luckily my little sister was also late getting to her bus stop so we were there first).

Now how does mindfullness link to suffering which links to harm which links to violence which links to Alanis? Simple really, if you are mindful of your actions then you notice when you are about to do something which harms someone through an act of violence (taDOW! oh i love it when a plan comes together!).

Alanis's song comes into play though because it shows how violence isn't just an act of hitting someone, it is the act of doing anything which may cause harm which causes suffering. That includes anything mental, as well as things people don't know you are doing. Harm and violence are not always ententional, this is something obvious that still needs to be stated, but please, take the time to think about in which ways you are violent and how you feel about that.

Big Smiles Everybody

OK happy post time. I don't know what i will write about but with Buddha as my witness this will be a happy post! Lets see, i could talk about the weather... Nope its raining. I could talk about how my room is clean... but that would be lying. I know! I'll write about happiness in general! I mean that fits into something happy right?

So what is happiness? Well according to the first Google definition it is and i quote "a state of well being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy". I actually have a problem with this definition. I mean happiness here only goes to intense joy? What about ecstasy? And i know that is often considered the name of a drug, but it started out as a feeling, or how about elated? Joy seems to me to be kind of a soft word choice, but that really is besides the point. I am modifying it to be from contentment to total ecstasy OK? Well as i don't work for any sort of major company and have to appeal to various people to make sure i don't offend anybody. Though technically people vote with how often they read, but still right now the only vote that counts is mine. And i like it, so the basic definition i will be using for happiness from here on out will be and i quote "Happiness is a state in which a person feels good about themselves emotionally".

Well i hope that shocked you, though if it didn't you just must be getting to know me kinda well... Anywho that is what happiness is to me. You like yourself. Cause if you like who you are, you tend to be doing ok and are generally considered happy. You can be pissed off at your boss, your friends, your family, but if you genuinely like who you are i am willing to bet you get over it. Meanwhile if you actually are pissed off at who you are because your too fat, your boobs are too small, your muscles are too weak, or any other reason (even if it is that you don't like how you aren't good enough at something yet) i would also be willing to bet that you have friction with other people, and that friction will end up resulting in problems. Bigger problems than you think.

Just like your personal life will spill over into your proffessional life and vice versa so will if your content with who you are and who you are not.

And now for the Zen perspective (Look, i used the word now there and am about to use it again). Now. This moment, right here right now to quote Fatboy Slim is what it is all about. To use another quote which came from Kung Fu Panda "The past is history, the future a myster, but right now is a gift, thats whay it is called a present". I'm gonna continue the quoting streak and this time go to the best character in the Lion King with the line "it doesn't matter, its in the past, you can either learn from it, or run from it". Thats the key.

That is about it, learn from it, move on, and accpet that now exists as now, the future is mostly out of your hands, the past is done, so move on. If you can't be happy with who you are right here right now then you are probably not going to be happy. That time, right here, right now, is all that matters. Tomorrow never gets here because when it does it is already today. Yesterday is done, you can't ever go back to it. You are stuck with right here right now. But in this moment you choose what to do. If you can be in this moment, look at yourself and accept it, do you think you will be happy? I do. I am.

Passion...

And he tore off her dress with his bare hands, her skin rose up to form goose bumps as the breeze caressed her naked skin...

Can you guess what the topic for this post is? Well just in case you skipped over the title then let me tell you again, PASSION is the topic of the day. That first sentence was a quick example of what people tend to think of when they think is passion (yours truly is also included in this statement). But there are other things that come up in this word too.

With it comes food. Yes, when i think of passion i think of food. For those of you who don't know i love to cook, absolutely love to cook. I might not do it very often (cause it is a lot of work, prepping the ingredients and getting the tools, and then cleaning up too!) do to my laziness but when i do i become so absorbed into what i am doing. And i love to eat what i have made (i have this luck to me that most things i cook i like to eat, most not all). Pasta... A spaghetti with the perfect sauce.... I'm shivering just thinking about how much i like cooking and eating it.

What else am i passionate about? Innocence. I like the idea of children actually able to enjoy their own childhood, without grown up issues being tossed into the mix far too early, though most people will probably agree that childhood is passing away faster and faster. Innocence doesn't seem to be surviving very well in the modern world, and do you really wonder why? The profane and disturbing fascinate. In a world where money and survival are the top issues anything that attracts attention is used.

Yes, this is a world of survival of the fittest. Most people who are authors have to work full time, going on tours and spending hours jetting all around (though not in jets, cause they can't afford that). People work multiple jobs where they are doing physical work all day long, way past the point where their body should be doing such things, why? They have no choice, in the society that has been created at least in my exposure to it, you need to contribute or you need to die and let your body contribute to daisy's.

Ya, in case you haven't picked it up, i tend to be a bit of a socialist. I don't have a problem with kids having to work to get into universities or colleges, i don't have a problem with people having to work while they are young enough to. What i have a problem with is the people i see at my job every day, who i work with, that can't walk fast, or lift heavy objects still trying to because they need to make money to live.

That sort of society creates a need for money, meaning if you have an idea that could make money it isn't enough. You then need to attract attention to it, and be able to defend it from the vultures who would try and steal it. And so the profane and the obscene attract attention and these things rob children of innocence.

I have talked before about how i love cartoons and kids movies. That's because i recognize how great it was to be ignorant about those things going on around me. Also it is because i am about as curious as any ten cats put together. Innocence doesn't last long when you grow up like that. That's why i am honest, at least as honest as i can be. I have my secrets, sure. But i don't lie about them, what i say is exactly what i mean. Hidden meanings might be there, but more often what i say is what i mean. I laugh at people who repeat what i said to them as a question, looking at what could be the meaning and i just say, no that's what i meant (because it was).

But dragging myself away from this topic. Hard to do, but this is quickly becoming depressing. Hmm, but i guess the last thing i want to talk about passion with is work.

More what is your work? There is a thing i hear all the time in Zen is Stupid about how the purpose we all have in life is to find out passion and then do it. Well, technically they say to find our work and then do it. For a while i thought that mine would be writing.

I started writing in grade 11 and it was pretty much the first thing i ever found that felt totally natural for me to do. ? And apparently i was good. Really good. I liked doing it, i was good at it, and could lose myself in it, why not be a writer? So that became my plan, i would write a great novel, one at least as good as Harry Potter.

But well... There are books way better than Harry Potter, books that deserve to be held up that highly. And so i could write a brilliant book, and despite that it not become anything more than a back note in history. Or i could write simple crap and become rich and famous. So over time my passion for writing has faded, and i wait to see what i want to do. What might endure. What is your passion? What will you do if it fades?

Need

You know what it is. I know what it is. We both feel it. Its there, deep down inside us. Its burning, slowly consuming who we are. I can't resist it any longer. Can you? Can anyone? Can you fight the pull? The carnal hunger? Do you have the will to resist?

Ok, how many people thought i was talking about sex? Well i can only see my hand in the air... But i also could have been writing about hunger, about drugs, or right now i was actually writing about... duhn duhn duuuuhn! writing.

That is right, that right there is how i feel about writing. It is a need, deep down inside me, something i have to do. I'm not certain anymore that it is what i actually want to do for a living... This blog has shown me what it can feel like to have to write something every so often. But i do want to keep writing.

No, i need to keep writing. There isn't really a choice for me, just like with meditation, without them now, i begin to feel stressed, antsy, and burn out so fast. Take today for example, my entire shift at work i was hating it, every single step i took.

Why? Well it could be just one of those days, but what i kept wanting to do was go, sit down cross legged and focus on counting my breathing. I had a craving to sit. A need. And i didn't because i was too busy. So now i am at home, no longer craving to sit, instead craving to write.

I feel this need to pull something out of myself and see it on the screen, to actively feel the writing, be able to see my emotions take shape in words. And so i wrote this. Do you have a craving like that? One that can rule your life and twist your emotions around? Why does it do that to you?

Tweet Tweet

Yes, it has happened, i have fallen. I, who so passionately hate Facebook, who claim that it is the root of all evil, a waste of time, i have joined twitter. Yes, you heard (or read) me properly, i have joined twitter and will now be tweeting out to the internet from my cell phone.

For those of you interested in finding me on there go to http://twitter.com/wesawakes and check it out, I'll be sending out questions and things to think about whenever they occur to me (plus whatever whiny thing i happen to be thinking about at that moment).

I actually encourage you to use twitter, just do everyone a favor, think before you tweet. There is enough garbage out there already, i know we will all contribute a little, but lets not make it too much...

Groovey Man

Life is suffering, the first Noble Truth. Ya that's right, he just brought in Buddhism. For those of you who don't know it let me tell the story...

Many many years ago, in a land that is now called India there was born a man. But wait, the story starts before that. Yes, this is the Buddhist bit of scripture, the chink in the armor, the weakness, the Achilles heel. It is the spot where everybody gets to doubt as much as they want. So do it, doubt, i encourage you to.

Why? Because you need to, if you accept what i say, or anyone says, without proof, then you might as well give all your money to someone else and leap off a cliff (i would appreciate being considered for the gift of your money, please make the check out to cash).

So anywho, back to before the first Buddha was born. There was a prophecy made to a king (it just isn't as cool without destiny and prophecy and such is it?) saying that his son would either be the greatest ruler/ king, or he would be a great spiritual leader/enlightened man. He would become the king if he never saw illness, age, and death.

So he was kept inside the palace where he never saw anyone old, anything die, or anything sick. Then, when he was around, oh say about 20 he ventured out into the world with a servant. There he saw an old man bent over with age, covered in wrinkles, etc (just imagine somebody 102). So he asked his servant "Why does that person look like that(or some variation of these words, i wasn't there, i don't know). The servant replied "he is old, everyone ages". The prince asked "even me?" and the servant said "yes, even you." And back they went to the palace.

Over the next little while the prince and his servant traveled out again and again, the next time seeing illness and the time after that, seeing death. So then, or sometime after depending on which story you listen to, he left the palace, determined to find a way to end the suffering of age, illness, and death (what would have happened had he succeeded, really think about that).

So he traveled for years, looking into all the religions the area had to offer, failing to find the answers he desired. He joined a group of aesthetics who believed that physical things caused the suffering, and by decreasing attachment to them we would decrease our suffering.

He fasted and eventually trained his body to survive on one grain of rice a day (can you see where this is going? hint for people who know their ancient Greek guys, golden mean). The human body can't live like that, so eventually he collapsed, and a young girl fed him from the bowl of rice (or something) she was carrying. All the others saw him eating and thought that he must have lost the way so they abandoned him(great friends eh?).

It was at this point that he realized the main point of his own philosophy, he had lived his life in exile and denial of suffering, and just now he had suffered by choice to the point where it had almost killed him. Neither of these ways lead to the end of suffering, just to different forms. So he sat in meditation, determined to find an end.

Apparently he mediated for 12 hours non-stop(which is fracking impressive if you have ever meditated). Then here is where it gets all mystically, demons came fourth and tried to temp him to stop and one called out who would remember even if he did find his answer, the response was the earth he was sitting on would remember(awesome way to shut a demon down). It was then that he got his answer.

Basically it goes change the things you can, don't worry about what you can't. Accept your lack of control and move on. There is nothing you can really control except your own actions, and even those you don't always control. So move on. The purpose is to try to reduce suffering, which goes to the title, good vibes. Its what i am now actively trying to do (at least in my workplace) which is amuse people so that they are happier, and in turn spread it out farther.

The other part is to ground out negativity like a lightning rod. Think about when someone is rude to you and you carry it forward to the next person you meet, instead ground it out, let it go, and give the next person you see a brighter smile. Help me spread the vibes! (and for the detailed story of the first Buddha go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gautama_Buddha#Life )

Ghosts of past TV

Hello out there in internet land. How are you today? I'm good, besides my work filled schedule my week looks pretty good.

So with myself finding this lovely vacation home in happy-good-time-land I'm thinking about what it was like as a little kid. More specifically i am thinking about what i watched as a little kid. Ya that's right, I'm thinking about TV and movies.

Why would that be where my mind goes? Cause i love cartoons. I mean come on, its like a romantic comedy where everything works out in the end, but without all of the unnecessary drama(though there are misunderstanding between friends, how else could they make conflict?).

But i gotta say the cartoons i have been finding on TV now can't compare to the old school ones like Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers (not to be confused with Chippendales), Darkwing Duck, and FernGully. What makes these cartoons so awesome to me?

Well with the first 2 it would be that they were made by Disney and as we all know, anything made by Disney is like crack to little children. But beyond that they had unique characters who all fit their stereotype (yep,
the good part is the stereotype). Before you get offend or shocked allow me to explain.

Now i have a problem with multiculturalism. My problem is with people who say they are Canadian and therefore multicultural and love every other culture out there. Or that by making a certain ethnic food at home they are appreciating a culture. Now this idea is ludicrous. Insane. Or just plane old bonkers.

There is no understanding of a culture in that. At all. In that situation a person is being singularly cultural and intellectually arrogant. This is the point where you should be saying "but what the hell does this have to do with stereotypes in cartoons?".

Glad you asked. See in the modern day cartoons (or at least the majority of the ones i have seen) there will be a mixture of ethnicities on the show, but they all will share the same culture (my family would be so proud, they are all just being "Canadian", or "American").

Meanwhile look at the older cartoons, there maybe some stereotypes supported but rather than get rid of this idea altogether why not make some of the other characters who fall on the "good guy" side of the fence ethnic in some way, and use their culture to make them unique, so that rather than planning one episode a season where they explore a culture each episode does a little.

(and side note, in Darkwing duck one villain named Bushroot is a professor, what better way to teach kids being smart doesn't mean being a good person?)

But i guess the main thing here is the old episodes had a meaning, and not just a little one. They had a big meaning, and that meaning, even if it wasn't fully understood, helps out a little bit. But those are gone now... And we are left with cartoons without morals to the story, and those with tiny morals which parents should have already taught.

(final shout out, original power rangers Rocked! new ones i watched this past Saturday... so sad)

Attentio- Oooo look, a butterfly....

Distractions. The things you see out of the corner of your eye. Things that keep you from doing what you want to do. The TV on, music playing too loudly, the smell of the food cooking just around the corner in the kitchen (or the growl my stomach is making right now because i haven't eaten much all day besides some cherries!) All these things are adding up to form distractions.

 

And they take over the life, slowly absorbing it all, like Bob the Blob from Monsters VS Aliens, sliding in and around my life, feeling like it is sucking it all away. Distractions take forms that i don't often think of when i think of distractions. The comfort of my bed in the morning is a distraction. The comfort of my life is a distraction.

 

Perhaps that's all life really is, a series of distractions, interplaying mirages that keep us from focusing on things. And why not? If we can't focus on what is around us then a T-Rex is gonna come up and chomp us! So we pair off little pieces of our attention to everything around us, and watch it. And we notice all the things around us, we know what is going on.

 

But we don't focus. Because we have a limited amount of attention to spend we can't simply focus on one thing, meaning that when it comes to simply sitting down and doing something like writing out a blog post we can't. Because our attention is split all around us.

 

Which leads into what i really want to talk about. The death of writing. The death of a decent sized attention span.

 

The first one needs to be explained through the second. As attention spans shorten we need more and more mental control to be able to tune out those things around us that are unimportant. That means you need the mental discipline to do so. Now how will you find that today?

 

I mean do you really need it? The modern mind actually filters out advertisements automatically now, apparently you need to see a commercial ten times to remember it. Think about that. 10 times. Advertisements are loud. They use colors that in nature mean "DON'T EAT ME! I'M POISONOUS!" things that the human mind should be developed to pay attention to. And our mind has learnt to ignore them. That seems to be a good thing, except the mind needs to note something in order to disregard it if it looks like that (this isn't supported by science, its just my thoughts) i mean, look. This is something evolution says is important. Meaning that it is something the mind will notice. Meaning our mind is trained to disregard it.

 

In order for a mind to be trained to do something it has to be exposed to it repeatedly. Think about training a dog, it doesn't learn to sit after one lesson, it takes quite a few. This means that we have had to be exposed to enough advertisements as young people to be able to disregard them by an older age.

 

This split up of attention is a problem. Have you ever read a page in a book only to realize that while your eyes moved over the page properly your mind completely ignored every single word on that page? I have, many times. And i have to go back and reread it.

 

And that leads to the death of the novel. With audio books and eBooks and the rise of Coles Notes who really needs to read the actual book? Look at the rise of books like Eragon and Twilight. Both books are of the same reading level (i have read them both and can attest to that) yet one was written by a kid during his high school terms, the other was written by a middle aged mother.

 

Both are very popular. Both are easy to read. There is a quote in Twilight Abridged on YouTube that i would like to use here "Myer wants you to notice this, cause it will be important later". In both of these books there are slight twists (though the harder to predict ones come from the high-schooler book) but the thing you realize second time around is there is so little of the general atmosphere revealed in the books that anything even slightly different than the rest of the chapters means that it is important later.

 

This is a distinct lack of complexity from other books that i have read, yet these books are less popular (the only one more so that actually has unnecessary details would be Harry Potter, and then only in the first few books).

 

Now i am not saying books should be filled with details such as the exact number of ants on each brick in the sidewalk. But details which do not actually push the plot forward but rather add realism to the environment. You could make the argument to me that authors who make the minimum amount of details are the better ones, but to that all i really can say is, which deserves respect, the one that does the basic work and shows no other details, so that the second time you go through the entire plot offers nothing new? Or the author who makes each reread something new?

Smexy or Not

Sex. Lets talk about it. Sex is a common activity, like it or not it is. Its natural. Like it or not it is. Sex is a natural act. Yes it is. Yes it is.

Sex also isn't something society is comfortable with. Despite how common it is in the media it isn't something western society as a whole isn't comfortable with. No we aren't. No we aren't.

The main thing of proof is the idea of abstinence only education throughout the state. I mean lets consider this. Telling teenagers in sex education classes that condoms don't work, and that only abstinence can protect from S.T.I.s. I mean abstinence does protect from that. You aren't gonna get pregnant if you don't have sex (unless god says otherwise).

But is that the only way to prevent a pregnancy? Hell to the no! Like it or not people, contraceptives work. They do. Yes they do.

No, i am not discounting the emotional impact of sex, but to limit the knowledge you impart to teens about something like sex because of the fact you don't want them to do it is just wrong (and i know, do it, written in something about sex).

Sex is tied to emotion, this is supported by science as well as years of people saying so. Whether or not it is something sacred as well is for god, or you to decide, not me. All i can say is i don't like the way society treats it. Talking about it as something dirty and wrong just plain old pisses me off.

Something that is really unnatural is driving. You wonder why so many people die each year in car crashes? Because the human body is not meant to travel that fast. Wonder why people don't like flying? They aren't supposed to. People aren't supposed to fly. Why don't people like heights? Cause we can die if we fall off!

But does sex scare people? Yep. Thought i was gonna say something else? Again, hell to the no! To say that sex doesn't scare at least some people the same way heights scare me would be me lying again to the extreme. But i don't believe that a fear of sex is natural, that it is rather something people have created for themselves. Why? Glad you asked.

We lets go back the that old time knowledge where people knew that sex brings up lots and lots of emotions. (people out there who like god, your gonna not like me here)(also keep in mind these are conclusions i am drawing as i write this, meaning i have no research besides things i have already read, and no proofs, nor any kind of real qualifications)

Now when forming a religion what do you have to do? You gotta exclude people, make it exclusive, and make people feel like they belong. In order to do this you need some rules. And these rules need to make sense. Now i am gonna pop on my Zen hat for a bit. See, mindlessness is a state where you don't think about what you are thinking or believing, you just embrace it because it is easier. Its like disliking the United States for me, its easier to do rather than think about why i do and realize that it is a baseless prejudice coming from a combination of culture around me and information i am exposed to/seek out in the media.

Anywho when you are in a mindless state, any sort of emotion brings a perverse pleasure (unless that's just me and i am the only one who enjoys psychologically torturing myself every so often). Add in it needs something that makes sense, and some way to unite people. One of the best ways to unite people is with giving them an enemy, someone to stand against (just note how each president of the United States has fought a war).

Each western religion has had someone they stand against, well the remaining dominate ones at least, from Nordic to Christian. So we have the enemy, the devil. And now we need his tool. Well, humans are dominate, above the animals, so whatever we share with the animals must be wrong. Eating, sex, anything like that. So we ate the forbidden fruit, and became ashamed of nakedness.

Furthermore look at time passing, stuff either tends to get more extreme like a feud or they lack matter and just become nothing, slowly degrading until there is nothing left. Now i think a lot of religious convictions are like the former, they have gotten stronger and stronger until you wind up with someone who is fanatical in their beliefs. This i think leads to problems with things like the conflicts with other religions, with homosexuality, and with sex.

As things like this get stronger and stronger it seems to have lead to a society where we tend towards repressing sex, where it is dirty and wrong and people are encouraged not to think about it. And that just... pisses me off. Because then people feel uncomfortable talking about it or thinking about it. Parents have a hard time talking about it to kids, kids have a hard time asking anyone for advice. It took till grade 11 gym class for some people to learn how to properly put on a condom.

That's something relatively simple but because of societal attitude these people never learnt how. How much worse must it be in areas where they are taught abstinence only?

Socrates Would be Proud

OK so this is a post i have been thinking about writing for a serious amount of time. There is a non-fiction book i read relatively recently that has a great idea (i got it for Christmas, so you know, first 6 months, recently). The book is called I Don't Believe in Atheists, which proposes the idea that any kind of fanaticism is wrong and dangerous.

Seems to be a pretty simple idea right? I mean how many people like those crazy bible thumpers from down south? And of course terrorists nobody likes them. So we know this is bad, therefore... fanaticism is wrong. Book seems right, but why is it called I Don't Believe in Atheists? I mean atheists aren't dangerous, the don't want to change and alter people... or do they? DUH DUH DUH!!! (music)

Most of the atheists we hear about, from Richard Hawkins to Christopher Hitchens (which admitidely isn't a giant leap) talk about the "dangers" of religion as a whole, and how if only people didn't follow this delusion/"delusion" (i didn't know whether to use the sarcastic quotes or not cause i kinda see both sides...). The problem occurs in books like America Alone by Mark Steyn where he doesn't talk about fantisism in general, or even about how it can infect religions. He doesn't base his points on readings of the Koran or other religious texts, rather he bases it all on the idea that becoming muslim means eventaully you will become a finatic and the only way to protect our society is to remove all muslims from the planet (don't worry, he doesn't actually say it like that right off the bat, he is kinda persuasive and argues his side very effectivly).

The problem in that is expounded upon by I Don't Believe in Atheists is that people who preach against religions so deeply, that fight them so strongly, are in fact doing the same thing as those they are preaching against (note how i used preaching instead of speaking against). They are feeding into a crowd movement and creating an us against them ideology.

Now when i believed myself to be an atheist instead of an agnostic i admit i agreed that the world would be so much better if i possessed god-like powers and could remove the belief in religion from the modern world. Fist off how would i get these powers except from a god? Secondly why would it be good? Greed tends to be the main reason for bad things happening, forget religion. Thirdly, greed is just overwhelming ambition, which our society promotes. So if i had the god-like powers to make the world a better place, in theory i should erase our society from existence, not very nice eh?

Yet the world would be cleaner, nicer, and we wouldn't be running out of resources near as fast. Hmmm...

But back to the main point, which would make the world nicer, if everyone who believed in some kind of god were gone magically or if everyone who though someone else should be killed/made to dissapear for not sharing their beliefs dissapeared? (and yes i know that statement makes me a fanatical person, ergo i get to go bye bye too).

Just think about these kind of things when you find yourself arguing with someone and simply refuse to accept they might be true. It makes me think of a quote i loved all through high school "i have had many good debates ruined by an arguement" or something along those lines. If your debating someone it means you need to be open to the idea they might be right and you might be wrong, even if it is opinion based (because yes, your opinion can be wrong). Furthermore when we think we know everything, as Socrates proved way before Jesus back in Greece, the wisest man in the world only knew that there was nothing he knew.

Think about how good our politicions could be if they figured they didn't know everything and asked for what people wanted, instead of just promising good sounding things...

Addition to Burnout

Just an addition to my last post. Burning out is something i seem to pull to myself, when i go to the gym i push myself past my limits, all the while knowing i will be so sore the next day, i take on more work than i should at work, i help every person i can, i just seem to pull to myself so many things. And those things often seem to charge me, i enjoy it. Then this year when all i have is my job i tend to burn out once every two weeks... Just a thought to add now that i am not as self loathing as i was this morning.

Burnout

Burnout. I gotta say that is a familiar feeling to me. How many other people are used to working so hard on something that i feel completely exhausted and no longer have any desire to put forth any more effort. It has become kind of a pathetically short time until i feel burnt out now though.

Take this blog, going barely for a month and already i am starting to get tired of putting out the effort of posting. I mean come on, i need to SIT DOWN, and write WHATEVER I AM THINKING ABOUT. Oh and make sure it is spelled properly too. For the most part at least.

But i think that the kind of burnout i am familiar with is caused when stress from one area of my life tends to dominate the rest of my life. For the past several weeks i have been working at my job almost every single day, which is awesome cause i am going to university in the fall and need the money really badly. Yet i don't like my job. At all. At least most of the time, there are moments when i am ashamed to say i do enjoy it...

So the stress of this, of dealing with stupid/rude/just plain old fashioned annoying customers has bled over to the other areas of my life making me feel less enthusiasm for the things which generally i would enjoy so instead i find myself seeking solitude so that i can sink temporarily into a pit of self pity. All in all not a good idea, so i usually drag myself out (or my girlfriend does, as she is much better at it than i am, can we get a round of applause please?).

But this has me wondering, is this kind of burnout where you get sick of life and quit doing anything a common thing? I mean with the stresses of modern life we aren't really designed to handle. Think about the pecking order of a customer service situation. No matter how dominate you normally would be you have to be subordinate to the customer, and try not to piss them off.

As well you have to deal with being less than almost everyone you run across in the pecking order. Consider the fact that in the human brain you can be close (reasonably so) to about 150 people, meaning that as a tribe size you should have a place somewhere within that 150 people's dominance ranking, not at the top, but not the bottom either.

Versus now where we get to feel like the bottom or close to for extended periods of time, before going home to sleep and starting it all over again. Now again this might just be me, i might suffer from some sort of personality quirk which has me desire to tell these people to go stuff themselves each time they open their mouths, but hey what can i do? Move on? Quit being so petty? Grow up?

I am trying to do all of the above, but it is a process, so until i do I'll suffer the burnout.

Fiction Fun

OK time to go back to the book lists i promised. So I've listed out the non-fiction books i liked already but i recently remembered one more i need to add to said list, Tuesdays With Morrie because it is fracking amazing. I can't really say anything more about it right now because, well, i can't do it justice. Suffice to say read it, its good.

Now back to the current list. Fiction covers many more genres and as such has many more available books for me to list. So i need to divide the single topic of fiction into a bunch more. Right now I'll start with my favorite genre, Fantasy.

First off is a Canadian author, Guy Gavriel Kay. Here is an author who has a talent which is widely respected even if he isn't well known amongst the age group most aim for. He was hired to turn the grouping of stories J. R. R. Tolkien into the The Silmarillion. His books are not designed for someone who wants a gripping adventure from page 1. Rather his works resemble, to me at least, modernized Shakespeare. Each is filled with underlying beauty of the modern language. For beauty pure and simple go to his books.

Next comes Tamora Pierce who writes books admittedly for young teenagers but they are excellent books. Simple reading, good to relax with. Fun books but defiantly not nearly as complicated as Guy Gavriel Kay.

Back to the complicated you can look to Terry Goodkind and the Sword of Truth series. Very vivid, the cultures described very well. His books have a political stance though, but i'll let you figure that part out on your own. His books also have little details change as you go along but it is a massive series of 13 books averaging out at about 700 pages per book, maybe a little more. Still a good read, at least for a while though you need some endurance to make it through them all.

Rob Thurman and Jim Butcher (recommending the Dresden Files) are the final two i want to list.Good authors, they write in the way that you cannot help but wonder about the books all day long. Though it is a technique that they have learnt to write with i still find it captivating. As well the storyline in the Jim Butcher series can show some excellent character development. In Rob Thurman books you get a darker storyline than any of the others, yet it is excellent for this. That is what makes it unique, and therefore what makes it worthwhile.

P.S. The gulity pleasure authors are here, that is authors that are fun to read, but really aren't that greatly skilled at writing. Christopher Paolini and Raymond E. Feist. These books are not at the level of writing the other authors listed here but are good for a relativly quick easy read.

Fake TV

Reality TV. Oxymoron. It just defies logic that something designed to appeal to an audience and is edited can qualify as reality. Yet it has to if it wants to be on TV. And so it goes back and forth, the people react in a real way, they don't have scripts, but the producers got to choose who is on the show and what parts to show.

But really, what does reality TV offer? A chance for people to observe the dark side of the human condition. The shows generally revolve around some kind of prize because who would put themselves through that willingly without a pay off? Actually lots of people would, being famous is the top choice now between fame and riches in surveys. Never mind it never says what you are famous for, it could be because you managed to flunk out of more schools than anyone else ever.

Why is this? Why are people obsessed with fame? What is so appealing about being constantly observed by thousands upon millions of people? Is it a product of high school? Advertising? Or is it actually a part of simply being human?

Lets look at them all. First on the list is the idea of high school.

In high school there are cliques, it is that way for teens, no matter where you are. And there are the groups of people everyone knows, or know someone who knows. Why? These kids are the ones who are louder in class, more confident in their assumptions maybe. Or the genius, the one kid who knows everything in every class that they are in. Then there is the outsider, the one who is outside everything you expect to the point they stand out simply because it is what they do. And finally the goofs, those people who are known because they are the targets for the bullies, the screw ups, the people everyone gets to mock.

Therefore we see people who are known in high school, and for myself at least i felt an envy for them, i wasn't the most widely known (that might have changed in the last few years, i am not sure). And i have to wonder, this being known, is it addicting for the people in high school? Do we learn there that being known means being popular, that it is always a good thing? High School, and the school system in general seems to lean towards that it is, but that may just be social interaction.

Now to look at the idea it is part of the human condition. Humans have evolved through millions of years to the state we are now (sorry if you don't believe that, but your gonna have a problem with a lot of stuff i write if you don't). Now the way the theory of evolution works is that the more you reproduce the more your genes are passed on. If your genes get passes on a lot they become the norm. When you are the hunter/warrior/magician that everyone knows in the tribe you are probably gonna get opportunities to have sex. Therefore these people who are famous got to pass on their genes. If there was anything in those genes which encouraged becoming well known they would get passed along, becoming part of the human race.

Even if it was just the desire for fame was part of the genes then it still would get passed on. Even if it was something where becoming well known was simply a side effect like being an alpha male/female it has since probably become part of who we all are, the same way it is common to have strong sexual desires (after all if you wanna pass your genes along your gonna need to have a lot of sex, and i mean A LOT!).

The final one is of course something which gets a lot of blame for the problems now. Society itself. We are a culture of attention whores. Yes we are. Yes we are. Deal with it. You don't like attention? Probably actually kinda common, but i bet you are also kinda jealous of those people who are funny or smart and sit there with everyone looking at them and don't feel nervous at all.

Or do you look at celebrities? Do you read magazines with famous people on the covers and skim through the articles about them? Do you mock certain famous people? Guess what?

Paying attention to it means you are participating in the cycle which makes you... can you guess? ... An attention whore. That's right, i am one too don't worry, i don't think i am that special. Yes, i think participating in the cycle makes you a part of it. And once you are a part of it i get to call you attention whore (i really like typing that and don't know why).

We live in a society where even if you don't really like celebrity you have to know about it, like it or not. How many people know that Brittney Spears shaved her head at some point? If you did just write i did in the comments.

We see all these famous people who may not have their lives together but they get to go out and spend time with other perfect looking people and buy insanely expensive things that at times are simply ridiculous but still kinda cool. In seeing these kinds of lives is it all that odd that we think we would be better suited for it, buying only practical things, giving to charity, keeping a level head when dealing with the paparazzi. We might think we could do it all, and so we want our chance to try.

And that is what reality TV offers a chance to do, to make the money needed for it and jump start the fame as well. But in the end it isn't real, your fame will fade because you stop producing drama for free, and within a year (at the most except for the lucky few) you will be gone from the public as they fawn over their new favorite as well as the actors and actresses who were they before you and will be after.

In the end it all looks to be a fantasy wrapped in delusions hacked apart through editing until it might as well be a soap opera. Reality? Try cheap, the true reason there are so many. They are the cheapest show that networks can do because they don't need actors except for the host, they don't need sets, and people volunteer. And its why i wont watch, i try to pull out from the cycle as much as i can.

And yet here i am writing for other people, contributing to the media, proving that i too am an attention whore.