Some More Angst

So i have a bit more angst for y'all. Recently i came to a conclusion about myself while listening to my favorite podcast, Zen is Stupid. I came to the conclusion that i cannot work for any large company when i am older because i simply have that much dislike against large companies/organizations.

This conclusion came to me because my job has become increasingly stressful for me recently. One of the reasons for this i am sure is that it simply has become too much of the same, with nothing new it becomes hard to know if what i am doing really matters, i fill shelfs and they empty, i fill them, they empty, day in day out.

Then this week my department was given extra people from other departments to help us. We usually have an assistant manager and a manager as well as myself but the assistant moved on to a nicer place. As such i have not only outlasted 5 assistant managers, and have the most seniority in the dairy/frozen department. As such i was in charge of these people. Now because of this when they needed help on knowing what to do next or where something was they asked me, but when i wanted them to do something, i was SOL because i had no official authority over them. If i wanted any kind of authority over them i would have to stick around there for years before i managed to hear about a job that no full timer wanted so i could get it.

Therefore i developed a kind of stress out where i considered walking out in the middle of my shift. It was driving me up the wall that much.

As well i grew up in an environment where no matter how the government/random company acts there is some way that it could have been done better. This sort of attitude seems to have infected my thought process so that every single time i think about the fact that i work for a big company i feel sick with myself. I offer up products that i don't really believe are good for people, support a business that slowly is eating up smaller producers, and work in an environment that i can't stand.

The entire thing was knocked home for me the other night when i was talking to a guy i used to work with. He got a job as a full-time, assistant night manager. The job had been forcing him to be up all night and try to sleep during the day. He hadn't been about to and had lost somewhere around 80 pounds in addition to having problems with his diet and his personal relationships with people.

Anyways recently he had a breakdown at work, began crying and went home. He got a doctor's note for a week off and now is hoping to switch to any other job the boss will allow. This drives home how i can't work for any company, at least with the mindset i have now because i was close to that point earlier this week and i wasn't under the stress of months at working during the nights. I will need to be someone who works for myself or at least a company where i believe in their work.

P.S. when grocery shopping don't complain about your feet hurting or how far you have to walk, the people working will have been on their feet longer and will be walking further.