So as you know if you have read this blog before, i am currently taking summer courses. If you are new to my blog, Welcome! and i am taking summer courses at my university. Why am i doing something as completely and utterly ludicrous as taking classes during my summer months rather than relaxing and sleeping in till 12? Well because A) i am a giant nerd and love my classes, and B) i can use the OSAP money to pay my rent so that i can move out without having to work and finally C) because in my house i get to spend most of my time relaxing and sleeping in till 12.
The next question is what courses is it that i am taking? Well see, first you have to know what kind of degree i am taking. I affectionately refer to it as my "psychotic degree that is absolutely good for nothing", see this degree is a joint major with psychology and philosophy, that carries with it a minor in indigenous studies.
Third question of the day should generally be WTF, and why? Simply put, i love philosophy. Something you should know if you have read even one of my posts before. If you haven't, i love philosophy. Also though this year i discovered my love for psych, which oddly enough was around long before my love of philosophy, i just forgot about it.
However something else i learned this year was that i hate a lot of western philosophy, and i think that getting simply a philosophy degree, besides from being useless in the practical world, is really biased towards one way of thinking. So i decided to take indigenous studies to balance out philosophy. As such, the classes i am taking this summer are Stats 2016 & 2017 which i need in order to get my psych major, and INDG 1000 to try it out and make sure it is something that i actually want to continue in.
Anyway, while stats is boring to the point that i text people informing them that i am dying and begging them to save me, indigenous studies is actually a lot of fun. Despite the fact that it is bright an early, starting at 9 am, when i manage to make it i love it. And i love the naps when i pass out in the middle of the lectures... (yes, i truly am not a morning person in the slightest)
Anywho, let me tell what it is that i love about this class. Its that the languages become part of the lecture which are completely unrelated to English, which is great. Yes, i love English, it is a wonderful language which is why i write and write and write, its why i want to be a writer, a novelist, i want to travel the world and explore different areas. I want to create my own worlds and societies with words so that other people can see in their minds.
But i digress, back to my point of learning bits and pieces of languages which are not related to English gives totally new expressions of thoughts and experiences which cannot be expressed in this language. It is in these totally new words that i am reminded of an old Zen is Stupid podcast (yes, you should go listen to all of them) that talks about words from other languages which express thoughts and ideas foreign to the English language that enrich their lives.
Thats why my task for all of you who are not currently engaged into some kind of learning a new task or skill for the summer should take some time to learn a few words in a new language, one not related to what you naturally speak.
30.6.10
29.6.10
Rule 2: Remember What Made You You
OK, you're reading my blog, right? If you aren't reading it than you are not processing what this is saying and as such really i should probably stop talking to you because your basically ignoring me.
Anywho, you're reading my blog right? Well assuming you are reading it because you like what i have to say and not because you enjoy sitting there and noticing the many, many flaws in my writing style and spelling and grammar and such, then you need to stop reading this, and go watch the TV show Scrubs, from season 1 to season 8, and you damn well better start at the beginning.
See, sitting around lately i have grown sick of watching new TV shows, like ReGenesis and Better Off Ted and missed the sort of relationship i had with all my old favorite shows, like Scrubs, Boston Legal, and Californication. These shows are the things that i got addicted to back near the end of my high school experience (and by near the end i of course am referencing from grade 11 to when i left).
See, that was around the time i started making my own moral code. It isn't anything i ever really wrote down or tried to make into rules... Correction, that is a lie, i have tried to make them into a list of rules and it didn't really work. So i have left it as an unwritten rule of how to lead my life. Rather than try to quantify it i let it flow and remember that by acting in any way i am deciding to become the kind of person who would choose to act in that way.
The main core of this belief system for me has been to be true to who you are, be true to your emotions and beliefs. Don't let your emotions rule you but don't deem them as something that isn't true either. It is a belief in almost radical honesty, where lying is something done only as a last resort and only to protect something truly important. I can only recall two moments in the last year when i lied, both to protect someone from where honesty would have hurt them more.
Actually no, one truth would have hurt the person more, the other was a risk that i didn't want to take.
Anyways, back to what i was attempting to talk about, Scrubs. See, if you have never watched Scrubs before then read this paragraph, if you have, well read it for a refresher! See Scrubs is the story of a young man just starting his career as a doctor, and follows him through to his becoming a very good doctor. The name of this doctor is named John Dorian and is referred to as J.D. He is a very introspective person and as such the episodes generally follow him or someone else as they learn a lesson throughout it, and then these stories are tied together at the end during a voice over preformed by Zack Braff who plays J.D.
Anywho, the reason i tell you all to go and watch Scrubs rather than bother to read this post (which you obviously didn't listen to if you made it this far, good for you!) is because of the fact that Scrubs, being such a part of what made me who i am is that it is still true today. And really that brings me to the main point.
See i have a few things that fit with who i am so closely, things that helped me develop my moral code that i have to take some time to refresh myself on around once a year or so. And in doing so i realized that there was some advice offered right near the end of the year that i should have listened to, some advice that was basically a restating of what i believed, but i didn't notice.
The point is, if you get a chance to, then refresh yourself on what made you who you were, whether it was a place, a book, a movie, or even a conversation with an old friend.
Anywho, you're reading my blog right? Well assuming you are reading it because you like what i have to say and not because you enjoy sitting there and noticing the many, many flaws in my writing style and spelling and grammar and such, then you need to stop reading this, and go watch the TV show Scrubs, from season 1 to season 8, and you damn well better start at the beginning.
See, sitting around lately i have grown sick of watching new TV shows, like ReGenesis and Better Off Ted and missed the sort of relationship i had with all my old favorite shows, like Scrubs, Boston Legal, and Californication. These shows are the things that i got addicted to back near the end of my high school experience (and by near the end i of course am referencing from grade 11 to when i left).
See, that was around the time i started making my own moral code. It isn't anything i ever really wrote down or tried to make into rules... Correction, that is a lie, i have tried to make them into a list of rules and it didn't really work. So i have left it as an unwritten rule of how to lead my life. Rather than try to quantify it i let it flow and remember that by acting in any way i am deciding to become the kind of person who would choose to act in that way.
The main core of this belief system for me has been to be true to who you are, be true to your emotions and beliefs. Don't let your emotions rule you but don't deem them as something that isn't true either. It is a belief in almost radical honesty, where lying is something done only as a last resort and only to protect something truly important. I can only recall two moments in the last year when i lied, both to protect someone from where honesty would have hurt them more.
Actually no, one truth would have hurt the person more, the other was a risk that i didn't want to take.
Anyways, back to what i was attempting to talk about, Scrubs. See, if you have never watched Scrubs before then read this paragraph, if you have, well read it for a refresher! See Scrubs is the story of a young man just starting his career as a doctor, and follows him through to his becoming a very good doctor. The name of this doctor is named John Dorian and is referred to as J.D. He is a very introspective person and as such the episodes generally follow him or someone else as they learn a lesson throughout it, and then these stories are tied together at the end during a voice over preformed by Zack Braff who plays J.D.
Anywho, the reason i tell you all to go and watch Scrubs rather than bother to read this post (which you obviously didn't listen to if you made it this far, good for you!) is because of the fact that Scrubs, being such a part of what made me who i am is that it is still true today. And really that brings me to the main point.
See i have a few things that fit with who i am so closely, things that helped me develop my moral code that i have to take some time to refresh myself on around once a year or so. And in doing so i realized that there was some advice offered right near the end of the year that i should have listened to, some advice that was basically a restating of what i believed, but i didn't notice.
The point is, if you get a chance to, then refresh yourself on what made you who you were, whether it was a place, a book, a movie, or even a conversation with an old friend.
28.6.10
Lets Take Some Time on the Trail...
So it is summer time here, in case you didn't know. And what does that mean you may ask? Why does it matter that the summer is here?
For starters, it is warm. No, sorry, that's a lie. It is HOT! I mean most days above 25 degrees Celsius is hot. Anywho, what does the temperature have to do with a blog post? Well i could talk about how the temp has been rising for a while, and how it keeps going up due to people's actions.
But actually that is a side note to what i am writing here, kinda the hidden message, the words behind the words. See, i am taking summer courses, just encase you have forgotten. And something i have started doing is biking from my house to class on campus. That is about... well i dunno, but i do know that it is above 8 kilometers there and back.
Yes, i am attempting to exercise and be healthy. And it helps that i live in a relatively beautiful city, true my area is not exactly the nicest part of said city, but i get to bike through the nicer areas on a long bike trail which runs up to the university along the river. There is a lot of forested area and un.... well i don't know what exactly to call it but basically- UNMAINTAINED!!! sorry but i realized the perfect word to use until that moment.
Ahem... Now so many of the areas are unmaintained (hee hee) meaning that weeds, plants, and wild flowers grow alongside weeds, vines, and trees. And it creates this beautiful chaos that really is hard to find inside the rest of the city. It creates these places where animals can scamper around without people bugging them.
On my trips up to the university i have seen rabbits, robins, crows, herons, among others. I actually see milkweed which is wonderful because the decline in monarch butterflys which makes me really sad. OK, let me explain that.
My favorite butterfly is the monarch, why? i dunno but i have always loved them since i was tiny. (and yes i once was tiny!) Anywho, due to milkweed being considered, well, a weed, people kill it, pull from their gardens. Farmers spray and remove it. And because that is the only thing that the caterpillars which turn into butterflys.
But anywho, back to the story, so i bike back and fourth and see all these things and notice that people the entire route are simply looking at the black asphalt in front of them, looking at the ground, or the horizon. They aren't smiling, they aren't enjoying their journey because they are so fixated on getting to the end.
And i guess being in university has also pointed out to me that so many people are rushing to the end of their degree, rushing to finish without taking the time to enjoy the classes, enjoy talking to their profs, and enjoy learning. I mean does anyone else remember being a kid and loving learning or am i the only one that nerdy?
And if i am, i suggest you all give it a try. Focus more on the learning and less on the pride, more on the journey and less on the destination. And when all else fails, pull over and ask for directions, you never know who you are gonna meet.
For starters, it is warm. No, sorry, that's a lie. It is HOT! I mean most days above 25 degrees Celsius is hot. Anywho, what does the temperature have to do with a blog post? Well i could talk about how the temp has been rising for a while, and how it keeps going up due to people's actions.
But actually that is a side note to what i am writing here, kinda the hidden message, the words behind the words. See, i am taking summer courses, just encase you have forgotten. And something i have started doing is biking from my house to class on campus. That is about... well i dunno, but i do know that it is above 8 kilometers there and back.
Yes, i am attempting to exercise and be healthy. And it helps that i live in a relatively beautiful city, true my area is not exactly the nicest part of said city, but i get to bike through the nicer areas on a long bike trail which runs up to the university along the river. There is a lot of forested area and un.... well i don't know what exactly to call it but basically- UNMAINTAINED!!! sorry but i realized the perfect word to use until that moment.
Ahem... Now so many of the areas are unmaintained (hee hee) meaning that weeds, plants, and wild flowers grow alongside weeds, vines, and trees. And it creates this beautiful chaos that really is hard to find inside the rest of the city. It creates these places where animals can scamper around without people bugging them.
On my trips up to the university i have seen rabbits, robins, crows, herons, among others. I actually see milkweed which is wonderful because the decline in monarch butterflys which makes me really sad. OK, let me explain that.
My favorite butterfly is the monarch, why? i dunno but i have always loved them since i was tiny. (and yes i once was tiny!) Anywho, due to milkweed being considered, well, a weed, people kill it, pull from their gardens. Farmers spray and remove it. And because that is the only thing that the caterpillars which turn into butterflys.
But anywho, back to the story, so i bike back and fourth and see all these things and notice that people the entire route are simply looking at the black asphalt in front of them, looking at the ground, or the horizon. They aren't smiling, they aren't enjoying their journey because they are so fixated on getting to the end.
And i guess being in university has also pointed out to me that so many people are rushing to the end of their degree, rushing to finish without taking the time to enjoy the classes, enjoy talking to their profs, and enjoy learning. I mean does anyone else remember being a kid and loving learning or am i the only one that nerdy?
And if i am, i suggest you all give it a try. Focus more on the learning and less on the pride, more on the journey and less on the destination. And when all else fails, pull over and ask for directions, you never know who you are gonna meet.
27.6.10
The Earth, did Quakeith
I live in Ontario. Shocking, i know, but believe me this is in fact going somewhere. See, Ontario had the fun of enjoying part of that great big earthquake a little while ago. Even more shocking is probably the fact that i know the earthquake affected a large area, but... well, i was talking to people online at the time and they told me.
See a conversation i had today with my big sister informed me of a lot of junk going on in Toronto that i didn't know about, in fact before yesterday i had no clue what G20 was, or why everyone was making a big deal about it and kept forgetting to ask people.
See something i refuse to do is to watch or read the news. I did try to watch them for a while, become a more knowledgeable person, more well rounded, more informed. Yes, i did fail epically, though part of it was was how hard it was at the time for me to manage to get ahold of said news, via papers which i would had to pay for (i was unemployed at the time), the internet (i had dial up), or TV (i had an antenna, meaning 6 o'clock or none, and that was when the Simpsons was on!).
Anywho, altering this idea was something that came to me from the wonderful people over at Zen is Stupid, i forget which episode it was, part of the problem of listening to them all. Anyways it was a story about a woman who didn't have a TV or a computer, she didn't listen to the radio or read the newspaper. The reason she offered behind this is that the news tends to present such a biased point of view where the negative is expanded because people read it more. Rather if anything important happens someone will hopefully tell her, so since i heard of this i have avoided the news to avoid bringing extra negativity into my life.
Anywho, off of the gigantic tangent and back to my main point, there was an earthquake that shook a lot of the world including the area that i live in. Friends of mine near and far felt it as well, to me it was a little fun because of the way it shook, though no serious damage took place.
(part of what happened after is due to this video which i watched the day before, go ahead and enjoy it)
Before the earthquake took place i was wasting time watching videos on my computer, not really accomplishing very much. After the earthquake i continued to do so for a little while then buckled down and finished an essay for one of my classes in less than an hour. Why? Well i always say to people that i already have my suite in hell picked out, but frankly i really don't want to end up there because i was putting off an essay.
See, it put me in mind of the 7 deadly sins, which are (according to wikipedia): Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride. Part of the reason they leapt to mind so quickly is that i am attempting to read the bible cover to cover for the... well i dunno how many times in my life.
Anyways the thing that keeps coming to mind as i read it is that while i disagree with a lot of it, and most of the rest is totally pointless (do i really need to know all the names of the kids that some dead guy had with his two wives?) but in and amongst the rest is actually some gems of wisdom such as these sins. Yes, i embrace the Seven as WISDOM! and yes i know that includes lust, i still think that they make sense as bad things.
See, each of these things i don't really think is bad on their own, but just like being aware and focused on your life can be a bad thing so can each of these. Being consumed by lust so that you disregard those things that happen to everyone around you, being so prideful that you cannot accept when you are wrong, being so consumed by envy that you cannot enjoy the good things that happen to those around you. These are all terrible things to do, so see that wisdom there.
But by the same token taking a day to yourself does not mean that you are falling to sloth, rather it means you are in balance. I don't think people should let themselves fall too deeply into any of these but i do think that each of these things should have at least a small presence in your life. Lust is usually a part of a healthy relationship. Pride in your work tends to make sure you do a good job. Envy lets you know what you want.
Just remember that these things are similar to a campfire, they consume, give them too much and they will light the forest and burn you up.
See a conversation i had today with my big sister informed me of a lot of junk going on in Toronto that i didn't know about, in fact before yesterday i had no clue what G20 was, or why everyone was making a big deal about it and kept forgetting to ask people.
See something i refuse to do is to watch or read the news. I did try to watch them for a while, become a more knowledgeable person, more well rounded, more informed. Yes, i did fail epically, though part of it was was how hard it was at the time for me to manage to get ahold of said news, via papers which i would had to pay for (i was unemployed at the time), the internet (i had dial up), or TV (i had an antenna, meaning 6 o'clock or none, and that was when the Simpsons was on!).
Anywho, altering this idea was something that came to me from the wonderful people over at Zen is Stupid, i forget which episode it was, part of the problem of listening to them all. Anyways it was a story about a woman who didn't have a TV or a computer, she didn't listen to the radio or read the newspaper. The reason she offered behind this is that the news tends to present such a biased point of view where the negative is expanded because people read it more. Rather if anything important happens someone will hopefully tell her, so since i heard of this i have avoided the news to avoid bringing extra negativity into my life.
Anywho, off of the gigantic tangent and back to my main point, there was an earthquake that shook a lot of the world including the area that i live in. Friends of mine near and far felt it as well, to me it was a little fun because of the way it shook, though no serious damage took place.
(part of what happened after is due to this video which i watched the day before, go ahead and enjoy it)
Before the earthquake took place i was wasting time watching videos on my computer, not really accomplishing very much. After the earthquake i continued to do so for a little while then buckled down and finished an essay for one of my classes in less than an hour. Why? Well i always say to people that i already have my suite in hell picked out, but frankly i really don't want to end up there because i was putting off an essay.
See, it put me in mind of the 7 deadly sins, which are (according to wikipedia): Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride. Part of the reason they leapt to mind so quickly is that i am attempting to read the bible cover to cover for the... well i dunno how many times in my life.
Anyways the thing that keeps coming to mind as i read it is that while i disagree with a lot of it, and most of the rest is totally pointless (do i really need to know all the names of the kids that some dead guy had with his two wives?) but in and amongst the rest is actually some gems of wisdom such as these sins. Yes, i embrace the Seven as WISDOM! and yes i know that includes lust, i still think that they make sense as bad things.
See, each of these things i don't really think is bad on their own, but just like being aware and focused on your life can be a bad thing so can each of these. Being consumed by lust so that you disregard those things that happen to everyone around you, being so prideful that you cannot accept when you are wrong, being so consumed by envy that you cannot enjoy the good things that happen to those around you. These are all terrible things to do, so see that wisdom there.
But by the same token taking a day to yourself does not mean that you are falling to sloth, rather it means you are in balance. I don't think people should let themselves fall too deeply into any of these but i do think that each of these things should have at least a small presence in your life. Lust is usually a part of a healthy relationship. Pride in your work tends to make sure you do a good job. Envy lets you know what you want.
Just remember that these things are similar to a campfire, they consume, give them too much and they will light the forest and burn you up.
26.6.10
How You See It
Tonight i want to type about world views. It is something i have been thinking about since i was reading a few blog posts about depression and how people deal with it as well as other emotions. You can probably tell that emotions in general have been on my mind lately as well. About how they affect writing and choices, about how people choose to deal with them and how i deal with them.
And in thinking about this, combined with my uber lack of sleep lead to me thinking about how the emotions a person experiences in a given moment can take one of three paths (yes, that's right, i avoided writing one of two paths). Those three different paths are joyful passion, painful passion, and indifference.
As it is said in this quote quite effectively:
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."
-Elie Wiesel
With each thing that life gives you can react passionately, burn in the moment like a fire, react together like... hmmm gunpowder and a flame, gas and a match, baking soda and vinegar.
When you react to it you can react positively and enjoy it just like fireworks or negatively like a bullet from a gun. See, each way is possible, both are easy to start but the more you do the easier one path goes.
To react with indifference is different. It means that simply put, something doesn't matter, no food on the table, doesn't matter, failed a lab for your class, doesn't matter. Your favorite TV show gets canceled because all the actors, writers, and staff dies in a plan crash? Doesn't matter, that's what it means to react with indifference. Yes, i know, this sounds like something that would only happen with a drug user or alcoholic... or possibly someone who is a sociopath.
Yet that is another possible action, and just like both the routes of passion with more use it grows. Now i am going to yank psychology into this, see the more you think about something or think in a certain way the more brain cells in that area you use, the more they become wired together and the easier it becomes to think like that or think that way again.
So the more you focus on that negative passion that a situation creates in you the strong it becomes, the stronger that structure of your brain becomes. But if there is one thing i have learned through all my psych classes and extra readings that i do for fun is that the brain is not carved from stone. Rather it is made from an ever changing structure that alters the more you think. (my current psych interest goes along with the changing in brain structure due meditation)
That means that you can alter the way that your thoughts travel. You can change it though it is hard, and not hard like lifting a heavy weight, but hard like running a marathon. You can do it, but it wont be easy, however speaking from the view of someone who enjoys more good passion than indifference and more indifference than bad.
And in thinking about this, combined with my uber lack of sleep lead to me thinking about how the emotions a person experiences in a given moment can take one of three paths (yes, that's right, i avoided writing one of two paths). Those three different paths are joyful passion, painful passion, and indifference.
As it is said in this quote quite effectively:
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."
-Elie Wiesel
With each thing that life gives you can react passionately, burn in the moment like a fire, react together like... hmmm gunpowder and a flame, gas and a match, baking soda and vinegar.
When you react to it you can react positively and enjoy it just like fireworks or negatively like a bullet from a gun. See, each way is possible, both are easy to start but the more you do the easier one path goes.
To react with indifference is different. It means that simply put, something doesn't matter, no food on the table, doesn't matter, failed a lab for your class, doesn't matter. Your favorite TV show gets canceled because all the actors, writers, and staff dies in a plan crash? Doesn't matter, that's what it means to react with indifference. Yes, i know, this sounds like something that would only happen with a drug user or alcoholic... or possibly someone who is a sociopath.
Yet that is another possible action, and just like both the routes of passion with more use it grows. Now i am going to yank psychology into this, see the more you think about something or think in a certain way the more brain cells in that area you use, the more they become wired together and the easier it becomes to think like that or think that way again.
So the more you focus on that negative passion that a situation creates in you the strong it becomes, the stronger that structure of your brain becomes. But if there is one thing i have learned through all my psych classes and extra readings that i do for fun is that the brain is not carved from stone. Rather it is made from an ever changing structure that alters the more you think. (my current psych interest goes along with the changing in brain structure due meditation)
That means that you can alter the way that your thoughts travel. You can change it though it is hard, and not hard like lifting a heavy weight, but hard like running a marathon. You can do it, but it wont be easy, however speaking from the view of someone who enjoys more good passion than indifference and more indifference than bad.
25.6.10
Down in the Dumps, Up in Creativity
So i had an idea recently that was inspired by a friend of mine. What happened was she got out of a really terrible relationship and entered into a so far really healthy relationship. She has finished school, her job is looking towards more what she wants. Basically for her, life rocks.
And while i am in general happy with my life there are a few things i would change if i had god-like powers (and no i am not going to tell them what they are, too bad!) and at the same time am getting tonnes of ideas on what to write about and story/blog ideas.
As well it got me thinking about the last time that there wasn't anything i wanted to change in my life. Oh my god it was the largest... well dry spell, for creative ideas that i have ever had.
No matter what i did or what i thought about all the ideas i wrote about were, to sum it up in one word, CRAP! They were ideas that i wrote about because i still had to write but my well of quality had run dry.
That brings me to the question i am raising here, does creativity really rely on dark thoughts and urges for change or am i just someone who only knows how to draw on that?
And while i am in general happy with my life there are a few things i would change if i had god-like powers (and no i am not going to tell them what they are, too bad!) and at the same time am getting tonnes of ideas on what to write about and story/blog ideas.
As well it got me thinking about the last time that there wasn't anything i wanted to change in my life. Oh my god it was the largest... well dry spell, for creative ideas that i have ever had.
No matter what i did or what i thought about all the ideas i wrote about were, to sum it up in one word, CRAP! They were ideas that i wrote about because i still had to write but my well of quality had run dry.
That brings me to the question i am raising here, does creativity really rely on dark thoughts and urges for change or am i just someone who only knows how to draw on that?
24.6.10
Sweet Dreams to You, Creativity to Me
So i have had something that to me is kinda interesting over the past... oh i dunno, week or so happen to me. That something would be a terrible terrifying sleep schedule.
This sleep schedule would be so bad in fact that those sentences above were written before, but i cannot tell you when because i lost focus and went and passed out (also because i clicked to edit this post before checking...).
But anywho back to writing this post, because this is where i am, right here, right now. And what am i doing besides writing this post you may ask? Answer: Thinking of the gazillion and one other things that i have to do, such as make supper because my stomach is threatening to climb up my throat, strangle me, and eat me. I am thinking about calling home to ask about the tanks i have there and see when i can get one up here so i can adopt a pet turtle (yes i promise to post pictures if i am lucky enough to get one...). I am thinking about cleaning up my desk because it has become my "drop zone" where i toss whatever i don't feel like putting away right now. On it i can see, a shot glass, a Mr. Sub sandwich bag, my ipod, a sticky note with a phone number, several receipts and a towel from the kitchen...
But here i am typing away like a good little blogger, and why may you ask, why am i typing away at this when i should be writing my paper for Indigenous studies? Why instead of getting food so that my typing doesn't stop mid sente.....
mid sentence, god it would be cool if i could actually write enough tension into these wandering thoughts that it seemed like i had actually passed out from starvation.
But anywho, the reason why i am typing and blogging is simply because of that aforementioned crappy sleep cycle. See, with my insomnia comes this really cool and really irritating kind of creativity that can lead to random thoughts and questions. Many of said thoughts and questions become the fodder for the kind of self held philosophical debate which then gets spewed out here for people to read.
You can see where this is going can't you? What? You can't? You need me to spell it out because it is a blog and really there is only one person talking, so paragraphs like this one almost count as talking to myself? Well ok then self!
See these questions that have been occurring frequently have given me somewhere around 7 or 8 different ideas of things to blog about, meaning that i have 7 or 8 possible posts plus all the ones on the rules i am making.
And what does that mean for you? The readers of my ramshackled thoughts that wander around more than a drunk on St. Patties day? (i watched The Boondock Saints yesterday, so that came to mind)
Well i think it means that i might, for a little while at least, have less wandering intros, instead my posts might get more to the point *gasp!*
I know this is a shocking and new development, but bear with me because i think it is sticking around until i start sleeping good again. So you all sleep well, i will keep thinking of ideas and slowly write about them.
This sleep schedule would be so bad in fact that those sentences above were written before, but i cannot tell you when because i lost focus and went and passed out (also because i clicked to edit this post before checking...).
But anywho back to writing this post, because this is where i am, right here, right now. And what am i doing besides writing this post you may ask? Answer: Thinking of the gazillion and one other things that i have to do, such as make supper because my stomach is threatening to climb up my throat, strangle me, and eat me. I am thinking about calling home to ask about the tanks i have there and see when i can get one up here so i can adopt a pet turtle (yes i promise to post pictures if i am lucky enough to get one...). I am thinking about cleaning up my desk because it has become my "drop zone" where i toss whatever i don't feel like putting away right now. On it i can see, a shot glass, a Mr. Sub sandwich bag, my ipod, a sticky note with a phone number, several receipts and a towel from the kitchen...
But here i am typing away like a good little blogger, and why may you ask, why am i typing away at this when i should be writing my paper for Indigenous studies? Why instead of getting food so that my typing doesn't stop mid sente.....
mid sentence, god it would be cool if i could actually write enough tension into these wandering thoughts that it seemed like i had actually passed out from starvation.
But anywho, the reason why i am typing and blogging is simply because of that aforementioned crappy sleep cycle. See, with my insomnia comes this really cool and really irritating kind of creativity that can lead to random thoughts and questions. Many of said thoughts and questions become the fodder for the kind of self held philosophical debate which then gets spewed out here for people to read.
You can see where this is going can't you? What? You can't? You need me to spell it out because it is a blog and really there is only one person talking, so paragraphs like this one almost count as talking to myself? Well ok then self!
See these questions that have been occurring frequently have given me somewhere around 7 or 8 different ideas of things to blog about, meaning that i have 7 or 8 possible posts plus all the ones on the rules i am making.
And what does that mean for you? The readers of my ramshackled thoughts that wander around more than a drunk on St. Patties day? (i watched The Boondock Saints yesterday, so that came to mind)
Well i think it means that i might, for a little while at least, have less wandering intros, instead my posts might get more to the point *gasp!*
I know this is a shocking and new development, but bear with me because i think it is sticking around until i start sleeping good again. So you all sleep well, i will keep thinking of ideas and slowly write about them.
22.6.10
Eating Out
So i can't remember what i was going to write about. Yes, i had an idea, and let me tell you, it was brilliant. Not that all of my ideas aren't brilliant but this one was especially so. It was stupendously brilliantly thought out. It had twists and turns and a narrative and worked in what happened to me today and discussed a number of important things. But alas i can't remember it. And so i am stuck waxing here about a brief moment of brilliance which faded away while i was playing a video game or taking a nap.
Well i guess the only way to get back to that idea is to actually talk about my day today. Well today i decided to try something which i have heard about for over a year, and that is mindfully eating. See this city i live in has a number of small one of a kind resturants and cafes. Each of them has their own specific types of food that they offer and their own enviorments. As such over the course of this summer i want to try most, if not all of them, and find out which ones i enjoy.
While i was sitting in my choice today i couldn't help but let my mind wander to the thought of what it would be like to be a restaurant critic and get to enjoy free food without worrying about the cost. Get to examine what i consider to be another art form, and see what people can create and how wonderful it is. Yes a good deal of it was the notion that i am a cheap lazy student and wouldn't it be nice if i didn't have to pay to eat out, or could write it off as an expense.
Anywho back to mindfully eating. See this notion came from the sadly now ended podcast Zen is Stupid. See this notion of mindfully eating is that you take your time when eating to actually enjoy your food, which is quite easy to do when you go to eat by yourself. You can focus on the taste, the texture, the aroma, and fully enjoy it in that moment. It was an interesting idea to try at a new place and i have to say it was awesome.
See focusing on my food, sitting by the window, taking my time. It was wonderful and very relaxing. I honestly suggest this idea to people, try spending some time to yourself, even if it is only for an hour, even if it is only for a minute. Take your time and enjoy your food. Use that moment to enjoy your life. Get back to who you really are.
Well i guess the only way to get back to that idea is to actually talk about my day today. Well today i decided to try something which i have heard about for over a year, and that is mindfully eating. See this city i live in has a number of small one of a kind resturants and cafes. Each of them has their own specific types of food that they offer and their own enviorments. As such over the course of this summer i want to try most, if not all of them, and find out which ones i enjoy.
While i was sitting in my choice today i couldn't help but let my mind wander to the thought of what it would be like to be a restaurant critic and get to enjoy free food without worrying about the cost. Get to examine what i consider to be another art form, and see what people can create and how wonderful it is. Yes a good deal of it was the notion that i am a cheap lazy student and wouldn't it be nice if i didn't have to pay to eat out, or could write it off as an expense.
Anywho back to mindfully eating. See this notion came from the sadly now ended podcast Zen is Stupid. See this notion of mindfully eating is that you take your time when eating to actually enjoy your food, which is quite easy to do when you go to eat by yourself. You can focus on the taste, the texture, the aroma, and fully enjoy it in that moment. It was an interesting idea to try at a new place and i have to say it was awesome.
See focusing on my food, sitting by the window, taking my time. It was wonderful and very relaxing. I honestly suggest this idea to people, try spending some time to yourself, even if it is only for an hour, even if it is only for a minute. Take your time and enjoy your food. Use that moment to enjoy your life. Get back to who you really are.
21.6.10
Plug
Ok, so i a publishing a tiny post tonight. This tiny post exists to do one thing and one thing only. Namely i am going to plug a blog that someone i know writes. See what has always driven me insane since i was a kid is that people live in the world, they notice that yes it is hotter out than it was last year, yes there is less snow, yes the air hurts my lungs to breath in the city, yes we can't see the stars at night, but no we are not going to do anything about it.
See as a kid i grew up in the country, on a farm. There was a conservation area down the street, a forest across the road, my grandmother's house had a pond in the back yard. Suffice to say as a kid my life was awesome, who needed to be able to walk to a park when i could walk to a forest?
I watched the Nature of Things for fun, as well as documentaries and read non-fiction books for fun (which i still do). I was a science junkie, i was a student whose highest mark was in math (MATH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!). I was very much a dork, nerd, geek, whatever you want to call me. I still am and carry the titles with pride.
Anywho this blog that i started this post to plug is Girls Gone Green which is put up from some girls who go to the same university as me and offer advice on how to live more ecologically friendly. If you like it i also recommend you check out the blog done by the same author who writes more about life in this world that we are slowly destroying. Check out the Outside In.
And finally my fun quote of the day is: "But if i don't follow my whims out when will I?"
See as a kid i grew up in the country, on a farm. There was a conservation area down the street, a forest across the road, my grandmother's house had a pond in the back yard. Suffice to say as a kid my life was awesome, who needed to be able to walk to a park when i could walk to a forest?
I watched the Nature of Things for fun, as well as documentaries and read non-fiction books for fun (which i still do). I was a science junkie, i was a student whose highest mark was in math (MATH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!). I was very much a dork, nerd, geek, whatever you want to call me. I still am and carry the titles with pride.
Anywho this blog that i started this post to plug is Girls Gone Green which is put up from some girls who go to the same university as me and offer advice on how to live more ecologically friendly. If you like it i also recommend you check out the blog done by the same author who writes more about life in this world that we are slowly destroying. Check out the Outside In.
And finally my fun quote of the day is: "But if i don't follow my whims out when will I?"
20.6.10
Rules
So who out there has watched the show NCIS? I am betting most of the people who are reading this have, it is a popular show, and for good reason. It has well developed characters with their own lives outside of the story of the show. They all have some form of back story and individual life which at some point connects to the storyline in the episodes.
But to get to my main point in this post is along with one of the main characters, one of my favorite characters as well, has a long set of rules which come up as one of the side stories. Yes, i am talking about Gibbs. One of the back stories that goes in the show is how Gibbs began coming up with these rules, the rules he has for every single situation no matter what happens.
This gave me the idea, the rather predictable idea i might want to create my own list of rules. This idea evolved into creating not only my own list of rules but writing a blog post to explain each. So yes, i am starting another series of posts here, this time my list of rules for life in university.
Rule 1: You can never have enough booze, ice, or glasses for your party.
This rule come from my first night of working for a catering company here. Namely we ran out of glasses, beer, and then ice. The reason for this rule is simply that when it comes down to it you need lots of glasses for everyone to drink from, lots of booze for them to drink, and lots of ice for chilling and mixing drinks.
Beneath this though is the spirit of the rule which is no matter how much you prepare or spend to get ready there is usually at least one thing that can come up and fuck it all up for you. Instead just accept that there is only a limited amount of control you have and use that. To try and do more will only lead to issues, to assume you have enough will cause something to surprise you and you'll have to find a way to deal with it then.
For example assuming 600 glasses is enough for 300 hipsters and then realizing no, they all want fresh ones so you have to wash enough glasses for both bars as soon as possible. Assume that it wont be enough and be ready for when it isn't.
Now, just for fun go watch this squirrel
But to get to my main point in this post is along with one of the main characters, one of my favorite characters as well, has a long set of rules which come up as one of the side stories. Yes, i am talking about Gibbs. One of the back stories that goes in the show is how Gibbs began coming up with these rules, the rules he has for every single situation no matter what happens.
This gave me the idea, the rather predictable idea i might want to create my own list of rules. This idea evolved into creating not only my own list of rules but writing a blog post to explain each. So yes, i am starting another series of posts here, this time my list of rules for life in university.
Rule 1: You can never have enough booze, ice, or glasses for your party.
This rule come from my first night of working for a catering company here. Namely we ran out of glasses, beer, and then ice. The reason for this rule is simply that when it comes down to it you need lots of glasses for everyone to drink from, lots of booze for them to drink, and lots of ice for chilling and mixing drinks.
Beneath this though is the spirit of the rule which is no matter how much you prepare or spend to get ready there is usually at least one thing that can come up and fuck it all up for you. Instead just accept that there is only a limited amount of control you have and use that. To try and do more will only lead to issues, to assume you have enough will cause something to surprise you and you'll have to find a way to deal with it then.
For example assuming 600 glasses is enough for 300 hipsters and then realizing no, they all want fresh ones so you have to wash enough glasses for both bars as soon as possible. Assume that it wont be enough and be ready for when it isn't.
Now, just for fun go watch this squirrel
16.6.10
Yes I quoted John Mayer
So i had a conversation the other day which got me thinking about something. What it was exactly was the notion of games. And no i am not referring to stuff like soccer or trivial pursuit. Rather i am talking about emotional games.
If your reading this than a part of me hopes you know what i am talking about simply so that i don't have to type out what they are but the rest of me is hoping you have had a life where you have never had to deal with someone playing any sort of emotional game. Because i wish that i am gonna give my definition of emotional games here.
According to the dictionary of me emotional games are defined as: The actions of a person or group of people to manipulate another person or group of people to act in a certain way in a given situation, most often used to gain something from the group being manipulated.
Example one: using a person to make someone else jealous
Example two: playing extra ignorant of what someone is saying to get them to spell it out for you (yes this is something i occasionally do, but i swear it often is that i am just that stupid!)
See now sometimes i play emotional games with people to get them to realize that they are being more than a little bit of a hypocrite or a fool. I might ask questions that i know the answer to just to get people to admit things both to themselves and to me.
But thinking about it, mainly i say what i mean and i always mean what i say (note, tone is a part of what i say, sarcasm added to it means i disagree with what i am saying). So this conversation made me think about it, made me realize that i am entering into the point of my life where i am starting to get sick of playing games and want people to come out and say things. Say that something bugs you instead of trying to manipulate someone into treating you differently. Say that you like someone instead of making them jealous.
To quote a song here, say what you need to say.
13.6.10
Sitting, it what i do.
Today was an interesting day. I woke up after about 8 hours of sleep and my head feels fuzzy and sleepy. It was interesting to wake up with this feeling. I don't like it. I don't know how to handle it. It is like i am half asleep no matter what i do or where i go.
So what i decided to do today to deal with this was to sit. That is the thing that has topped my list of to-do-lists that i have been making since i moved into this house. When i write sit down on my to-do-list i mean that i want to sit and mediate so that i can clear my head and focus.
It was really cool because i haven't sat like that in a long time. The way my mind wandered over the various things that i wanted to think about and things that had to consider. It is one of those things that i think most people should really do. Take some time each day, focus on the various things that go through your head when you aren't trying to focus on anything.
It gives you some perspective. It gives you a little focus. Take some time and try it.
So what i decided to do today to deal with this was to sit. That is the thing that has topped my list of to-do-lists that i have been making since i moved into this house. When i write sit down on my to-do-list i mean that i want to sit and mediate so that i can clear my head and focus.
It was really cool because i haven't sat like that in a long time. The way my mind wandered over the various things that i wanted to think about and things that had to consider. It is one of those things that i think most people should really do. Take some time each day, focus on the various things that go through your head when you aren't trying to focus on anything.
It gives you some perspective. It gives you a little focus. Take some time and try it.
5.6.10
Work to Slacking to New Thoughts
I have a Scooby Doo band-aid on my thumb, my legs are in pain, and i am covered in sweat. It was a good night, my first night of actually being a server at my new job. I have to say working there was awesome. It was insanity and chaos all bundled together and i enjoyed every single second of it.
To be honest the entire walk home from that night i was thinking about writing a post about it, telling the entire story but i was faaaaaaaaar to tired to do so that night. Since then i have basically slacked off in every single way possible and i wasn't sure why i was....
It wasn't until several different websites came up while i was using my stumble button and randomly surfing the web that i noticed something. Somewhere in my interests apparently i had included being an introvert, meaning someone who finds social situations taxing and prefers their own company.
It was when i was reading through these things in passing that i realized why i have, well, not really felt the energy to write out the ideas i have had for posts day after day. It was the reason i had so much fun at that single night of work where i was stuck in chaos. Quite simply i am apparently a shy and reserved extrovert.
It seems like a paradox, i know. But the fact is that what makes me shy and nervous is that i am a private person (as i write a post about who i am to be read by whoever they want on the internet...) and as such i don't really feel like sharing who i am with each person i meet.
And i guess that extra effort needed to go out and hang out with people rather than having them all living in the same building, well its like getting to eat really really good food that is made for you every day and then going to res... Not even close.
Meanwhile the mood swings i have gone through recently have shown me something else as well. Depression, it is a topic i tend to have pop up in conversation and in life often. Is it possible that high rates of depression are simply caused by people like me, who don't feel like going out to places each and every night, or have the money to do so, so instead you stay in and miss out on that social interaction which recharges your batteries and gives you that boost.
Just a thought...
To be honest the entire walk home from that night i was thinking about writing a post about it, telling the entire story but i was faaaaaaaaar to tired to do so that night. Since then i have basically slacked off in every single way possible and i wasn't sure why i was....
It wasn't until several different websites came up while i was using my stumble button and randomly surfing the web that i noticed something. Somewhere in my interests apparently i had included being an introvert, meaning someone who finds social situations taxing and prefers their own company.
It was when i was reading through these things in passing that i realized why i have, well, not really felt the energy to write out the ideas i have had for posts day after day. It was the reason i had so much fun at that single night of work where i was stuck in chaos. Quite simply i am apparently a shy and reserved extrovert.
It seems like a paradox, i know. But the fact is that what makes me shy and nervous is that i am a private person (as i write a post about who i am to be read by whoever they want on the internet...) and as such i don't really feel like sharing who i am with each person i meet.
And i guess that extra effort needed to go out and hang out with people rather than having them all living in the same building, well its like getting to eat really really good food that is made for you every day and then going to res... Not even close.
Meanwhile the mood swings i have gone through recently have shown me something else as well. Depression, it is a topic i tend to have pop up in conversation and in life often. Is it possible that high rates of depression are simply caused by people like me, who don't feel like going out to places each and every night, or have the money to do so, so instead you stay in and miss out on that social interaction which recharges your batteries and gives you that boost.
Just a thought...
3.6.10
Past Writing, Future Books
Writing, it is what i tend to do. As you may have noticed i have been writing, while not a lot, defiantly more than i was during the school year. Also, as i have been telling my friends and family recently, the first thing i tried to write into a novel has reared up in the back of my head and waked me over the head demanding to be finished.
Because of this i have done a tonne of planning for the story and cut it off into 3 separate books so far. (and it isn't finished yet!) But while i was doing this i had also fired off the pages i had written back in grade 11 to the various people i know. I asked them to read it and give me opinions on it so that i could figure out what i needed to do and how to improve it.
Of course i happened to also ask for honesty, the kind of honesty i tend to give regarding Harry Potter and Twilight, the kind of honesty that matches up with this wonderful website i found today. I wanted this honesty given to me about this piece of writing because i want it to be better, i want the characters to have depth and substance. I also want my writing to flow together, like water in a stream, so that it all works together rather than like a stream of stones, where they bounce off each other and block their own path rather than connecting and working together.
And that is what a friend of mine was excellent for. She told me i needed to take a look at this writing because it wasn't near as good as i thought it was. And she was right, it was CRAP and yes that needed to be capitalized. Now for every person out there who read this through the first way it was and thought it was amazing, thank you for your support. That was needed, it helped me to gain confidence in myself.
All the same though it built up a little too much confidence. Part of what stopped me from writing as much as i did when i wrote those first 60 pages was that i was worried i couldn't make anything as good as what people thought of that first piece of work. What i am finding out is that the opposite happened, rather than my writing getting worse than it was so long ago it is getting better and better.
That fear i had of writing and it not being that good, that it wouldn't hold up to my past experiences was groundless. And i guess that is the point behind this entire post, don't avoid living your future because your worried about your past. Live your life, and go where you need to go.
P.S. Check out this blog if you want something else to read, it is great and informative.
Because of this i have done a tonne of planning for the story and cut it off into 3 separate books so far. (and it isn't finished yet!) But while i was doing this i had also fired off the pages i had written back in grade 11 to the various people i know. I asked them to read it and give me opinions on it so that i could figure out what i needed to do and how to improve it.
Of course i happened to also ask for honesty, the kind of honesty i tend to give regarding Harry Potter and Twilight, the kind of honesty that matches up with this wonderful website i found today. I wanted this honesty given to me about this piece of writing because i want it to be better, i want the characters to have depth and substance. I also want my writing to flow together, like water in a stream, so that it all works together rather than like a stream of stones, where they bounce off each other and block their own path rather than connecting and working together.
And that is what a friend of mine was excellent for. She told me i needed to take a look at this writing because it wasn't near as good as i thought it was. And she was right, it was CRAP and yes that needed to be capitalized. Now for every person out there who read this through the first way it was and thought it was amazing, thank you for your support. That was needed, it helped me to gain confidence in myself.
All the same though it built up a little too much confidence. Part of what stopped me from writing as much as i did when i wrote those first 60 pages was that i was worried i couldn't make anything as good as what people thought of that first piece of work. What i am finding out is that the opposite happened, rather than my writing getting worse than it was so long ago it is getting better and better.
That fear i had of writing and it not being that good, that it wouldn't hold up to my past experiences was groundless. And i guess that is the point behind this entire post, don't avoid living your future because your worried about your past. Live your life, and go where you need to go.
P.S. Check out this blog if you want something else to read, it is great and informative.
2.6.10
Categories and Cal
One of my favorite authors has just recently released a new book, Chimera by Rob Thurman. She truly is one of my favorite authors because her books not only strongly remind me of another good author, Jim Butcher, but also because they are unique to her. Because of her new books i recently just read through one of her serieses and am about to start another before buying her new book. The book i finished tonight, Roadkill, depicts the character development that both Rob Thurman and Jim Butcher create in their series's of books.
They have a great style for those who love character as the core of their stories because the series's cover years which allows for the people in the stories to evolve and change. You don't just have the epic fight at the climax, you also get the aftermath in the next book. you don't get the problems of sudden angst like the jump from Harry Potter 4 to Potter 5. You don't get characters who start their summer vacation happy and are filled with snark and rage 2 months later. You get characters who start with snark and get more snark.
The reason i am writing this post is that i had a thought when i finished Rob Thurman's book and was sitting there going through my early stages of withdrawal. As with all good books i got hooked, when i start re-reading her series i was taking a week or more to finish a book, the last took less than a day.
Anywho, while i was drifting through my post-book-induced-high i was thinking about the characters in her books, about how the main character always has these unchartable depths, but the other characters begin to come through as flat after a few times of reading the books. I wasn't sure why, her writing had never seemed that way to me before, it never seemed like stock characters any time i had read them before.
And that was when i realized why they all had become stereotypes to me. The fact that i had read them so many times had ingrained this idea of who they were into me making them into a stereotype when i read it.
That got me thinking about people i know, and the way they fall into categories when i think about them. They fall into the categories of the people i have met in the past, those with their strong personalities that have left their marks on me become the stereotypes my friends now fall into. The varying amounts of differing personalities are the way i make sense of people. It makes me wonder if there will always be some way that i lump people together, even if they are categories based on personality.
They have a great style for those who love character as the core of their stories because the series's cover years which allows for the people in the stories to evolve and change. You don't just have the epic fight at the climax, you also get the aftermath in the next book. you don't get the problems of sudden angst like the jump from Harry Potter 4 to Potter 5. You don't get characters who start their summer vacation happy and are filled with snark and rage 2 months later. You get characters who start with snark and get more snark.
The reason i am writing this post is that i had a thought when i finished Rob Thurman's book and was sitting there going through my early stages of withdrawal. As with all good books i got hooked, when i start re-reading her series i was taking a week or more to finish a book, the last took less than a day.
Anywho, while i was drifting through my post-book-induced-high i was thinking about the characters in her books, about how the main character always has these unchartable depths, but the other characters begin to come through as flat after a few times of reading the books. I wasn't sure why, her writing had never seemed that way to me before, it never seemed like stock characters any time i had read them before.
And that was when i realized why they all had become stereotypes to me. The fact that i had read them so many times had ingrained this idea of who they were into me making them into a stereotype when i read it.
That got me thinking about people i know, and the way they fall into categories when i think about them. They fall into the categories of the people i have met in the past, those with their strong personalities that have left their marks on me become the stereotypes my friends now fall into. The varying amounts of differing personalities are the way i make sense of people. It makes me wonder if there will always be some way that i lump people together, even if they are categories based on personality.
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