Hey out there in the interwebs, gonna try writing to you guys again for a little while. Why haven't i been? Cause i don't really have the focus, and i haven't had an idea that i thought was worth writing about for quite some time. Now i am trying again cause i discovered an idea when i was laying in bed contemplating sleep and watching Gargoyles on my computer.
This comes to my idea which floats from this show. If you happened to grow up in the 90s you most likely saw this show at least once. It was awesome, it showed a group of Gargoyles (who would have guessed?) who were the protectors of a castle but were betrayed and most of them were killed. Those who survived were locked in time until the castle would "rise above the clouds". This event happens in the year 1996 when a very rich dude named David Xanatos.
This is the guy who i wanted to write about, Xanatos. See Xanatos is the main villain in the show (if i ruined that for you i am sorry). It is at this point that i need to add in that his main base of operations is the tallest building in the world which he placed the castle on the top of, and i think this is just awesome and i want one.
Now for those who know me the idea that i would like the bad guy in a show isn't really anything new. I loved Lucifer, Crowley, Ruby, and Yellow Eyes in Supernatural. I loved Dr Cox in Scrubs (but who doesn't?). True i also like the good characters in various shows but there is something about the pure evil ones who don't really seem to be hiding their true characters that i find so awesome.
This brings me back to Xanatos, the villain in this cartoon. Why am i writing about this character so? Because of an episode of Gargoyles which i watched relatively recently where Xanatos and his wife play a game of chess with real people and their actions being manipulated. In another episode of the show the entire plot is about a prison break occurs but at the very end it is revealed that the prison break and all the chaos occurs simply cause Xanatos desires to free one woman and the events which occur give her a better chance for an early parole.
I guess the reason that i really like Xanatos is that he seems to float above and beyond everyone else, even though he loses most of the time he gains more from each loss. It is like each and every loss, even though he manages to be beaten, provides more information for what he does next. Each time simply adds momentum to him, and he refuses to make actions that are not needed.
So this is part of why i love Xanatos, and then also that he just seems so cool. Don't believe me, check out the show!
So i haven't exactly written a blog post in a while but i feel like writing this one today. Why? i need to vent, just a little bit. And you, are my imaginary audience who get to sit and listen. Which means that i am not a crazy person sitting in my room talking to myself.
See what i need to talk to you about isn't so much a need as an explanation... See over the past while i have been experiencing a personality change. Except that i haven't been.
I don't believe that there is anything someone does that wasn't already in them. Basically let me explain it like this, depending on the given situation there are a certain number of possible reactions that someone could make.
So that's why i say i have experienced a personality change but not really... because given the situations i have flowed myself into i have changed from who i was last year, becoming, for a little while at least, less of a slacker.
See, for a long ass time i wanted to be that brilliant kid who knows absolutely everything. I was that kid for a while in a couple of subjects for a little while, things i studied outside of school like psychology or animals waaaaaaaaay back in grade school.
Anywho this past summer i was taking a few courses and got ahead of people and started thinking about the future and being a good student and knowing EVERYTHING which, as i just said, has always been something i wanted to do.
So i started this school year with these kind of goals in the back of my mind and suddenly i started doing all of my assignments and my readings. Work started getting done way in advance.
But my marks stayed the same as they were last year. And my stress levels skyrocketed. To be honest they are still way higher than they ever were last year (and last year i failed a course...). Simply put i was slipping into a type A personality, and it took some very important people to point this out to me (you all know who you are).
So here i am, ranting about what i was turning into, and what i hope to stop turning into. I know i don't really have a right to ask for any more, but to the people in my life i ask for your patience. Its gonna be tricky, but hopefully i can get to a balanced point between the two very different people i was.
What am i doing right now? Being a moron, that is what... Why, you may ask (assuming you are kind/curious enough) are you being a moron?
Well, my answer would be, because i finally have a topic for my Philosophy of Religion essay (or as it shall hencforth be known, Phil of R) and i am not writing it, despite the fact that it is actually the next assignment i have due that isn't complete... Nor am i using my time to study for Social Psychology or write my Philosophy of Art paper (it will not be known as Phil of A, it is too evil for a new nickname...).
Why am i dragging out this bloody essay for so long? I don't know. I have been asking myself the same question all week. I did the first assignment in about an hour because i was focused and didn't let myself get distracted by books or blogs or TV or anything.
But somehow this essay keeps me from tackling and i find myself doing other tasks. I have narrowed down the topic for my Philosophy of Art paper. I did a bonus Social Psych assignment. I read extra stuff, i looked up articles for another paper, hunted for more info on the assignment i had already finished!
But this paper, it needs to be done. I set aside today and tomorrow for its removal. Other assignments i have lumped into doing in a single day, or in the case of quite a few of them, doing them all in one day.
Why is this essay such a colossal pain in my keister (yes i used Google to find out how to spell that)? I could use the excuse of Nietzsche,(btw check out that mustache, EPIC) because he is a pain in the ass. He is depressing and frustrating to read because, like most philosophers, he doesn't appear to just come out and say what he needs to say. Instead he jumps around using these gigantic words that tire me out as i read him. I could say that i find his writing depressing and it bugs me to read so i have been trying to avoid him.
I could say those things because they are true. At the same time a perverse part of me actually enjoys reading him once every so often, for the very same reason i enjoyed reading Hume last year. He points out things which i found to be glaringly obvious before. Yes, i know, i sound full of it, and it may just be the way that i read these two, or it could be because i am lucky enough to come from a society whose education system managed to do a decent job and i noticed these things. Or i could pass credit to my family who raised me to be a skeptic and a critic (just ask people who come ask me for advice).
But none of this really explains why rather than just writing the essay and relieving myself of this build up of negative energy i am writing a blog post about it. I would bet that part of it is that i have been getting that urge to write again, and to write about things that i want to write about.
And really i think that is what it comes down to... I don't want to write about him because he is depressing, and i could in theory do my essay on Hume but he is the one thing that is worse to me than depressing, and that is boring.
This statement strikes me as funny but i am gonna write it down anyways. And yes it is very egotistical too, but here it is. If anyone ever actually bothers to quote me to someone else what they should say is this:
Something that every single person should strive for in their writing is that it be interesting. It doesn't need to be creative or beautiful or strikingly original as long as it is interesting. How many ideas have died because their author couldn't present them to the world in an interesting manor?
So here i go, off to write the bloody essay, or so i hope... Wish me luck!
So right now i just need to go ahead and say thank you to one of my roommates. You know who you are, you who lent me the book Eat Pray Love.
I went and saw this movie shortly after it came out with my girlfriend, and it was great, very well done and i highly recommend it. So of course when i saw one of my roomies reading this book i just had to ask her if i could borrow it and read it. So thank you for saying yes.
In case you all forgot i happen to be someone who believe in a lot of Buddhist practices and philosophy. Also, if you have talked to me about Buddhism before you know i do not consider it to be a religion because i don't worship anything in line with it.
Do i believe in the notion that The Buddha attained enlightenment while meditating beneath a tree? Yes. Is that worship? No, that is my form of faith. I believe that a very long time ago a dude sat down and just was with his own mind long enough to realize that all the sacred and wonderful was right there inside of him. I believe he realized that everything that came to exist naturally was equally profane and sacred and that this is all it is, embodying this realization is enlightenment.
That is my faith.
Does it get more complicated, complex and personal? Hells yes. Can i explain it all? Not really, i can try but a lot of it i don't think you can get. Do i think time has anything to do with whether or not you become enlightened? Fuck no.
Enlightenment is not a process that happens faster based on where you are or when you started. I think that if you are going to meditate it is going to become your own practice when you need it to. I think that if you are going to become enlightened it will happen when you are ready. And i think that if you don't keep up that meditation and examining your own mind your enlightenment will go bye bye.
Why am i going on a rant about this right now? Because my roomie lent me that book and i just finished the pray section.
Why else? Because i hadn't been meditating in... well a long ass time. And frankly this book was the kick in said ass i needed.
For me meditating brings a form of awareness and focus. It brings a calm and an energy to me. And it is really freakin easy to not meditate, to let each day slide by without sitting with myself and just letting my mind be.
And so thanks roomie, i owe you one. But that one is not another bottle of Sourpuss.
Hey there interwebs, how you doin? Good? That's good. More and more people using you every single day? Awesome. And me? Well right now i am doing pretty good. Here comes my new blog post, a coles notes version of my life during my first two months at school:
Currently dating a wonderfully fantastic girl that i am insanely crazy about
Figuring out slowly what i want to do with my life and finding out that it doesn't actually matter as long as there is something new for me to do every so often
My older computer died and i have recently bought a new one that sadly still lacks a name
Turned 21 and feel as much of a little kid as ever
Slowly started embracing the notion of minimalism thanks to a blog i started reading here is the link
I have gotten to know my room mates much better than i used to
One of said roomies started a blog which i think you should all check out and encourage her to write more at http://fooduni.blogspot.com/
I discovered yet again just how important a prof is to the subject matter they teach thanks to philosophy of art
I have renewed my love of the two areas of knowledge that will be making up my degrees
I have become completely and utterly broke meaning a job hunt is fast approaching
Met a bunch of new people as is bound to happen at the start of each school year
Became even more obsessed with cleaning, though mainly dishes and my room
Reading a lot, and watching a lot of TV shows as is usual
Looking for more changes in my life
Thinking about space clearing in all aspects and wondering where to start
Now it is your turn. If you go to the same school as me it is reading week and you now have some more time than you did before, but even if you don't take a few minutes and run over the big important stuff that happened in the last few months. Look at the good, the bad, and the stuff you want to change. Let go of the fear, the worry, the regret, and the sadness. Let go of the happiness too.
That seems like a silly notion, i know. Think about how much time you hurt yourself with past happiness though, whether it be happiness from a past relationship that is over now or a past mark on an assignment that your current work didn't match.
Let go of the past and make some more room for the future, after all if your in uni like me this year still has 6 months to go! (And if your really like me then this year has 9 more months cause you will also be taking classes during the summer!)
Hey out there loyal readers, hey also to first timers, and of course hey to those who wish i was actually writing this blog on a semi-regular schedule so that they could use it to eat up time better spent doing homework, or reading, or sleeping...
I know, the sheer volume of posts which i have written after a period of about a week pledging that there would be no gap that large again is probably one full third of this blog. Why do i write about that so often? Because i am simply sick of bloggers that i love to read keeping their stories from me. Of course i don't want to do this to anyone who actually enjoys reading this (all two of you, i would say three but i don't count...)
It is interesting to think back on this summer. I forget when but i had a time when i wanted to engage in a "tech detox" by which i mean that i would stop for a period of at least a week, if not longer, using my TV, cell phone, computer, and the internet anywhere. If you wanted to reach me you would have had three options, call my house, stop by, or write me a letter. As you all can guess that never really happened.
What you probably could have figured out is that i did engage in something quite similar relatively recently. See sadly my old computer Bob died after three loyal years of service and a little bit beyond. Yes Bob did go in for service on a semi-regular basis. Yes Bob had so many replacement parts that i could argue Bob would have been the laptop equivalent of a person who has basically all their organs replaced by machines. That's right, i had a computer cyborg.
But yes, during the time Bob passed i was reduced to using either my girlfriend's computer or the computers on campus that were even older than Bob. As well during this time i was too busy to really spend a lot of time watching TV. True, i did play some G O Dubs, and my cell phone was often in use.
But during this time it was interesting to note how i could so easily get along without these pieces of technology. I survived the time without my computer and frequent access to the internet. I didn't die, my social life remained alive, I was not suddenly shunned by everyone everywhere. My suggestion is that you consider doing this, if only for two or three days. Most people check their email more than once or twice a day, some studies suggest that people actually check their email about once an hour! Believe me, unless you are a prof, a psychologist, or someone involved with some kind of armed conflict (be it the police, the military, or a standoff with your little sibling) you really don't need to be checking that often.
I encourage trying to just check your email when you get up in the morning and before you go to bed at night. Give yourself 20 minutes to an hour to do all the stuff online you need to do (and consider what is a need and what is a want, 50 facebook quizzes are NOT something you NEED to do, and none of your friends really care that much that your wedding dress type is simple, especially if you are a guy). Check your emails, respond to people, maybe pound out a blog post, then shut it off and live in the real world.
Believe me, the internet isn't going anywhere, but if we all keep spending so much time on it then neither will we.
Final note, with Bob dead he will soon be sold for parts but i have also gotten a new laptop and it needs a name, suggestions please!
Hey Blog-o-sphere how goes it? Happy i was gone? Less headaches? More free time? Well relax, i am not promising to come back with the crazy amount of writing i did during the summer, rather i am just writing because i feel like it.
What am i thinking about now? The past... And the future.
How often do those two come up? The past and the future, the two best distractions from the present. The perfect way to avoid living in the moment is to think about these things. But at the same time how do we avoid it? The past is the best way to learn from mistakes, the future requires some planning because it turns into the present.
With this getting lost into the future and the past i tend to lose track of the present in a way... See getting so involved in my present i tend to disregard other events places and people. It isn't intentional, it isn't something i plan, and because i see it coming when people ask to see me i make my every effort to take the time to see them. When events demand that i see someone, talk to them, i will plan it out soon in the future.
I think this is something i have talked about in the past, the notion of selfishness. The way you need to take care of yourself first, within limits. Self care is needed in order to be able to care for others. To quote one of my favorite shows "You try to fix the world but you're the ones that are broken."
To a degree that is what i am doing now. Normally i try to be the person who is always there for their friends and family. I tend to have an impressive amount of patience but for now i am doing things that make me feel good. I am letting myself be a little more selfish with my time and spend it in the places that really make me happy.
So yes, i know, it has been for freakin ever since i bothered to update this thing and post something new. Why? Because...
Yep, that is my reason behind it, just because, because i couldn't find time, because i couldn't be bothered, because i didn't really have anything to write about, because i have had so much to write about that i didn't know which to choose, because all the stuff i wanted to write about was actually too personal to post out for the entire world to read. You pick your favorite and let me know. I'm sticking with because.
But yes, now i am blogging from the library of my university instead of reading The Republic by Plato, which i need to have finished for class NEXT MONDAY! Its an entire book, in and of itself, and frankly i find it harder to read than Shakespeare (i mean come on, that guy is easy to understand). So why am i blogging now?
Because... Yep, that is my reason for why i am back for at blogging. Because...
But yes, what do i want to write about today? I want to write about how important it is to be comfortable with who you are and where you are in your life. Why am i writing about this?
Well because for the last little while i have been racing around so much that i haven't really had time to sit down and meditate or blog or work out or anything. You know, those calming activities that give me time to think so much that my mind calms itself down and feels comfortable with its insanity for a little while.
Instead i find myself falling prey to what i am going to refer to as "Artist's Mind" because i think it comes from a combination of creativity and an over active mind. Basically my mind hopes from thought to thought every so often so what i am thinking about has nothing to do with where i am and what i am doing, instead it is just the things that i haven't taken the time to think about.
It happens to be a very frustrating feeling because there is simply so much that you want to create and so little time. Think about how people got lost in the movie Inception, or how that guy in the Matrix betrayed everybody in order to get back into the fake reality because it was better than the alternative he was offered.
The thing i have found with letting this kind of creative energy build up is that the world i can create inside my head is completely under my control (which really appeals to a control freak like me) and as such i have a tendency to get lost inside it.
Hey y'all out there, it is about 12 o'clock, just about to begin the last day of August and i am about to head to bed in a little bit but first i am chillin online and watching my turtle Squirt attempt to devour the fish i tossed into his tank tonight. Apparently like most guys he really enjoys the chase...
Anywho i was kicking around earlier watching some TV and some videos on Youtube and i decided that simply i wanted to share a link to a guy's work that i have been watching a lot on Youtube recently, which is the Phillip DeFranco show (i think that is how you spell his name).
What the guy does is search around the internet, find some interesting news, and then shares and talks about it for a little while. He does this in a really funny way, he does a great job of editing his videos together and i just really recommend it, so if it sounds like something you might like to watch, check him out at http://www.youtube.com/user/sxephil
And of course i intended this to be a short little post but that seems to have failed because Youtube recommended a video featuring a Jason Mraz song which really puts me in the mood to reminisce about this past summer and talk a bit about the up coming year. Basically i am saying if you want to avoid the sappy emotional crap i am about to talk about then stop reading here.
OK so if you know me at all you know that while i technically considered moving into residence at university moving out and didn't experience the whole wanting to go home thing that most people did, this summer was technically when i got my own space where i was allowed to do things like *gasp!* poke holes in the walls! So as such this summer has been a time when i have grown up a lot.
That notion right there freaks me the fuck out, i have always been someone who people think of as mature, hell i think of myself as mature, but this summer i grew up a lot and it terrifies me to think about all the other growing left for me to do. I like being a kid but at the same time i will be twenty one in less than a month! I am going into my second year of university!
While a lot of me is really excited about this, excited about the fact that i get to have my own space, i have my own turtle now, i am making decisions about the route my life will take a bunch of me is gibbering in the corner of my mind at the notion that anyone in their right mind is letting ME make these choices... I mean i hardly know how to cook!
But at the same time this summer i have learned a lot about the importance of keeping a space clean, how quickly food goes, the effort it takes to keep a place looking nice, and how nice it must be to go home to a house that doesn't have cats in it.
As well i worked at a new job this summer, i got to be a server and for a couple minutes i even got to be a bartender! I've met a few new people this summer and keep having these wonderful moments in conversations with people where i learn something new about myself. That of course was something i thought about myself in addition to being mature i thought i knew myself but i guess not as well as i thought... i think i should type thought one more time...
And this leads to the final thing that happened this summer that i want to talk about, and that thing is a person. That thing is my girlfriend. She is this amazing strong beautiful person who is so very different from everyone else i have ever met. And of course it just happens that she also lives a good nine hours away so i have hardly spent any time with her physically even though i have spent hours on the phone with her.
We both noticed the same thing... we both realized that we missed each other before we had even spent time together because we simply... well on my half at least she had become one of the people who knows me at least as well as i know myself. To be honest those people number on one hand.
She is a very important part of my life, very special to me, i like her a lot, and yet more than half of the time since we started dating has been spent 9 hours apart. I'm not someone who tends to like people this way often. I tend to be picky. And so i spend a lot of time talking to her on the phone, why? Because i haven't had near enough time with her.
Its the last day of August and in my mind it can't go fast enough because i want her here right now. Your task for this day is to find someone special to you and let them know all of how you feel, be as open as you can. Let them in and hope they don't hurt you.
Ok kids, news on MWBN is that i have massively failed in getting chapters one to five written by today, as such i am giving myself 4 weeks to write it. Hopefully this will be enough time but i dunno if it shall.
Anywho this means that i need something to write about on here because that is simply depressing.
So, while i started writing this post several days ago i failed to come up with any sort of topic that i wanted to write about, until now. And what is this brilliant idea which has been on simmer for a couple days until several moments ago finally reached a wonderful boil? Tea.
Yep, i am about to write out a blog post about tea. Why? Well lately i have been feeling continually fried and creatively drained. Why is this? Well at first i blamed it on a lack of time living and more of a time observing but it wasn't until two of my roommates moved in that i realized i also had stopped drinking as much tea as i used to.
This honestly makes me think about a conversation i had with a good friend a long time ago. I had just got interested in Buddhism and the notion of enlightenment. Frankly it seemed like such a cool idea that i announced to the world that enlightenment would be my quest. I would seek it out and distance myself from material possessions and caring of such physical things. Needless to say that failed (though for the most part my clothes remained unchanged except for the free stuff i was given, to those who like the changes now occurring in my wardrobe a thank you is owed to the new girlfriend).
Anywho off the random tangent and back onto the notion about this lovely liquid which is prepared with boiling water. What did my friend respond with? Some wise crack about the possibility of ME being enlightened? Something in support? No. He asked if i would be drinking a lot of tea.
It took till now for me to realize how good an idea that would have been back then. Tea... well let me quote a book by Rob Thurman here... oh fuck i can't, that book is still out on loan, person who has my copy of Nightlife can you please look up the quote Cal says about Niko and tea after he is hypnotized? If you could past it into the comments it would be greatly appreciated.
Anywho tea is a wonderful way to get some caffeine (but not too much!), a few anti-oxidants, and some great flavor. Plus in the case of green tea it slightly raises your body temp which burns some extra calories. If you do some research into types of tea you can in general find something which gives you something missing from your diet and skip out on all the juices instead.
Basically my tip to you is take some time, go to a tea store and smell them all. Maybe not all of them, but if you have a flavor like say lemon that you like you can go and smell the lemon ones. Pick a couple, buy them, and spend some time trying them. Some you will love, some not so much. But in doing so you will bring a little change into your life, and face it, we could all use a little.
Hey kids, how goes it all out there? I am going to write about a movie that for the love of god i hope you all have watched already. If you haven't go see it, NOW! The movie i am talking about is Inception, just in case you hadn't guessed.
Now if you happen to be one of the six people in this country who hasn't seen Inception yet then stop reading right now and go see it. By doing this you make life easier on me and harder on yourself.
Yes you will, why? Cause this movie is gonna fuck with your head. Why? I honestly have no clue, did it fuck with mine the first and only time i saw it? No. I found the movie uncomplicated and kinda simple. I know. Inception. Uncomplicated. WTF right?
It was the first movie i have seen in a long time where i called damn near everything. To be fair that's because normally i expect these movies to be a little more complicated than they actually are so Inception being predicted by me just means that it is more complex than the average movie.
Now why do i think Inception fucks with people's heads more than the average movie? Mainly because of the subject matter. See like the awesome movies of the past it deals with what is real and what is fiction? It begs the question that started oh so long ago with one of my least favorite philosophers Descartes which is how do we know it all isn't a dream?
When it comes down to it there have been many movies that express this idea, one of the first ones i heard of was The Matrix. Another one would be the lesser known but equally awesome movie Waking Life. A truly great example that in a way quite nicely paralleled Inception would be The Nines which stars Ryan Reynolds.
What makes Inception such a great example of this type of movie is that while the overall plot of the movie is great there is no giant jumps in the plot that completely shake things up. Instead each step is logically spelled out while the movie follows the same sort of settings as Jason Bourne movies or the number of different movies which have followed in its "globe trotting, exploding action fest" of different locations.
Inception takes this way of jumping from location to location and gives it a somewhat quasi logic to why it goes from place to place, and presents reasons for why things happen the way they do. At the same time Inception offers complete and total control of an area (the dream) where whatever idea you want to implement is possible. It also opens up the notion of becoming addicted to it (note the people who couldn't dream anymore). Now there are probably more things that it links into, common themes that most people can relate to which is why the movie draws people in so well. The final one of these that comes to my mind is the cliche of the distant father figure and the hope to be reunited.
As well look into where the entire fracking movie takes place. In a dream. Dreams continue to be one of the many mysteries which modern psychology cannot explain in a reasonable enough fashion and so it is like sailing into the Bermuda triangle or traveling to another planet. Anything becomes possible there.
Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing against the rules with using a number of different tools to manipulate the way that people act and think. There is nothing wrong with a movie manipulating your emotions. That's what they are there to do. But at the same time when you sit down and think about Inception, maybe read a little basic psych, you should be able to see most if not all of the twists and turns coming.
Hey y'all, long time to blog eh? The last one was published on the 7th of August and here i am starting the next one on the 21st, time flies eh?
But how to get back on the proverbial blogging horse... Well how about i talk about the time i took off from writing in every way shape and form and see where that takes me? Yes you whiners, another post about writing, deal with it!
See i was writing quite a large amount, well a large amount to go from zero to whatever it was. Because of this i was feel a bit of burn out and needed a break. I tried to force myself to keep writing but it wouldn't work and then i had a guest for a week and i didn't have time to write anything so instead i was a person who was living there life.
I get the feeling that most people wont understand what i mean by that so let me explain. I have a friend who is also a writer and a Christan told me an idea she had, an image of me she saw in a dream. What she saw was me suffering intensely from a form of writer's block because i had placed myself in the moment, i had lived my life to experience each moment rather than for God and because of this i didn't have enough of myself inside myself to keep writing.
Was this why i couldn't write for a while? Why i need a break of several weeks where i quit blogging and quit writing in my journal?
No, rather i quit doing these things because i hadn't experienced enough life, i had lacked things which stirred my passions and made me feel the urge to write things down. The notion that in order to write people need to shut themselves away, that they need to control their passions and focus themselves.
It reminds me of a book about authors that i read recently which talked about one writer who started drinking because he thought that writers drank to aid the creative process. The creator of the book said instead writers drink to deal with the loneliness of their work.
That i think was the problem, i was focusing too much on the work and the process and not enough on the life that creates the passion for the work. That's what i needed and that is why i didn't write anything for a while.
So that is my message for now, don't think that being creative comes without going and living in the world. Creativity isn't something that comes in an ivory tower surrounded by beauty, rather it is from those moments when the beauty and profanity of the world are side by side and you can see something to truly needed to be written about.
So i am going to write out this post tonight listening to the Barenaked Ladies on my ipod, if it makes no sense i blame them.
What am i going to rant about tonight? What topic shall i use my self-righteousness on? Well considering my ongoing dream to actually be a writer, i think i will write about what writing means to me. Writing about writing, i know, like masturbating to masturbation but oh well, my blog my rules!
See for me writing is nothing grand or divine, nothing spiritual, nothing special, it is nothing more than the person who wrote it. This of course means that to me writing is nothing but divine, spiritual, and special. Confused? Probably not, more just irritated at me for writing that, well no worries i am too.
Why would i write it then? Because it is true. Writing is in and of itself no more important or special than white paint thrown on a white canvas and called art. Well... ok, maybe it is more. After all, most people write in black ink on white paper. But woot woot, we use one more shade! That doesn't make writing special, and that's why it isn't, just like art for art's sake is utter bull.
But if that art is for your sake, for something inside you that demands to be expressed then it really doesn't matter what anyone other than you thinks of it. That right there is half of the challenge, that art that exists only for its own sake doesn't often go out into the world and seek to be recognized.
I know, that in and of itself makes all of my writing here pointless and worthless. Yes, i send it out into the world, but i also don't censor it, i don't edit again and again. Each of these posts is a free fall writing exercise. I don't plan it, and other than using Firefox's spell-check i don't edit.
To me writing can be one of two things, it can exist to simply be a creation for its own sake, which is what i do in two books i bought at Chapters that i write in, and in them i write my own far more personal thoughts and ideas. The things i write there i let no one else read. That is my art for art's sake.
Sadly that doesn't pay the bills (though neither does this blog), so i write other things in the hopes of one day becoming someone published who can be lucky enough to support themselves and perhaps even a family from simply writing books.
I think writing is something very personal, something which each person decides to do or to not do for their own reasons. I think it is something where no matter how many different people look at it, the only one who can really see all the depths is the original writer. And i think those who actually got enough balls to put something out there can most likely take the criticism we throw at them, but like the quotes say we also need to recognize that their work is worth more than all of the criticism in the world put together.
So i was having a conversation with a girl i have gotten to know quite well recently and she said something, of which now escapes me, but the substance of it has been beating around the inside of my head kinda demanding for me to write it into a blog post, so for those of you who have missed these rants, enjoy!
See what she said was something about knowing people. Or it was about how people have layers. Or it was about how people are always changing. No! It was about how you can never truly know someone.
Don't you dare start protesting what i am saying! You need to let me finish first then you can comment if your little heart so desires.
Anywho now for me to get all into bartender mode (that's right, i have a bartender mode, its where i become all snobby about drinks).
The only thing that really has held my interest consistently other than writing would be the notion of myself as a bartender. Why? I don't know but i know that at least part of it goes to my conservative side (yes i have one of those two) which loves the putting things in order and each piece belonging to a greater whole. It also appeals to my creative side (yes i know you all know i have one of those) in that i get to mix whatever i have at my disposal and create something new and (hopefully) wonderful. A game i like to play with myself is to sit at a bar with a beer or something equally simple and toy around with what i think would mix well with what other things the bartender has at their disposal. Yes, i am a booze nerd.
But back to writing about Bartender Mode! See one thing that bugs me is mixing a drink with the intention of creating a combination similar to something that you want to have, but then calling it by the same name. Like for example, if it is a layered shot and you mix it all together because that is easier, it doesn't get the same name. If you have to mix two things together to get the same flavor fine, but if it is only close to the same flavor and one of 5 different ingredients you have to do that with it doesn't get the same name. See the snob?
Anywho, despite this i am not a snob when it comes to classic drinks like whiskey (also known as whisky, or Scotch depending where it is made) or wine (i like the cheap stuff!). This is a total lack of appreciation to what most... well i want to say connoisseurs or good drinkers or good bartenders tend to enjoy.
Does that mean i am a bad bartender? Fuck no. It means i lack experience and my liver is still in relatively good shape. Am i on my way to getting there? Well i like beer, and before this summer that was a lie.
Anywho when it comes to all those fancy drinks you think about the interplay of flavors and the complexity of it. To me it just burns, but to me beer was just bland before this summer so who knows what is to come?
I know, i know, you all are sitting there going "but what does this have to do with the beginning?"
Simple, just like i didn't like beer because i hadn't drank enough also reflects the way people treat each other. Often we don't have the tolerance for others that we need to, simply because we haven't spent enough time around them. Or by focusing on one type and getting to know its complexities and no others you might miss out on the subtle differences that you only see by comparing.
In movies and TV shows there is often the bottle of some kind of booze which is saved for a special occasion. How often do we treat our friends like that? Cherishing them and sharing them?
What to write about what to write about? That is my current question. Anybody got an answer? I didn't really think so. That is kinda the frustrating part of being a writer, and now looking at it as a career it seems to get even worse.
See unlike with other jobs there is no way for someone to cover for me. I have to do my work here, true i could get someone to say, post a guest blog. But for that to work i kinda need a constant theme here instead of just "i am saying what i feel like saying".
It amuses as someone who considers himself always a full time student and also a full time slacker i am drawn to a job where the only person who can do the work is me and i cannot be a slacker or else. I would actually need to do my work, need to focus on it. And the question i keep asking is "can i really do that?", i keep trying to take my own measure but the fact is i don't know.
I mean look at MWBN, i want to have five chapters finished and ready to edit by the end of this month. I have yet to finish one, though without summer courses i defiantly have a lot more time. The question is how will i put it to use? There are a lot of things i need to take care of, and you all will get to hear about
Alright here it is, my second post today, all about the books which you love but only ever really read once instead of reading over and over and over until you can recite them word for word.
Something tells me this may be a painful post to write, i dunno why but it is simply a gut feeling so be warned, there may be real emotion in this thing somewhere.
Have you ever heard a song, looked at a painting, seen a movie, or read a book and it changed your life? Have you ever had one of those lovely moments where the entire universe in all its glory is explained to you? Or perhaps you have experienced the smaller version, where something in one of these pieces of art that offers a view of the world resonates within you and you find yourself suddenly understand yourself a little better.
An example of this i can offer is something that comes up often in the series entitled The Dresden Files which is authored by Jim Butcher. It follows a wizard named Harry Dresden (note the name!) as he has adventures in modern day society and, to quote the book, "Does what he can to hold a torch up to the darkness".
Interesting quote isn't it? This is the point where my ego screams that in a way this is what i am trying to do with this blog. Offer up my little nuggets of whatever wisdom i have had the chance to piece together in my relatively short life. It isn't anywhere near the most i could do, but it is what i am prepared to do now as i work towards being a better person.
Anywho away from that tangent. The thing with the Dresden Files is the one thing which gets pounded into the reader over and over is essentially that the choices you make shape the person you are. That is the main idea which spoke to me. So i read those books over and over, i tend to go through at least the first 3 books at some point during a year and remind myself of that.
But there are other books i have read, after all i always need to be reading something or i feel incomplete. I have read books from the library, read books from stores, borrowed books from friends. I have devoured them ever single chance i get. And in doing so i have learned from them.
But something else happens when i read (and i know it happens to at least most if not all of you too but this space is, as i said before, about me!), i get emotionally involved with what happens. I worry about the characters the same way i worry about people in my real life. I care about them the same way i do in real life.
Hell one of the things that bugged me the most about the Harry Potter books was that if Harry had been a real person after the 5th book i wouldn't have talked to him. Not cause of the stupid slander that rained down on his head but rather because of the fact that he was such a prick to the people who actually cared. It was the sudden shift that was the first thing that started fucking with my love of those books.
And yet again i find myself on a tangent! Back to the point dude! To use a better example just this past week i finished reading the book Little Brother by Cory Doctorow, and i gotta say it was brilliant. It works to display the way that freedoms can be removed in modern society because of the fear of terrorists, and shows of way to resit. It most importantly though showed that there really was no point in the defenses that were offered, instead there would need to be better thought out plans which were not being adopted.
Yes, i recommend this book to all of you to read, though there are a few people i know that i specifically have told that they should read it because i think it will appeal to them more than most others.
Despite how much i loved this book i will never buy it. Why? Because i buy books i will read again and again. This one i don't know if i will. It was brilliant and moving and appealed to so much of who i am. The problem was it also made me feel a kind of rage throughout most of it. An anger directed towards ignorance.
A different book which i also loved and bought is called Sacrament and was written by Clive Barker. A truly well written book that offers up a notion of a world that we think we understand but then realize all we currently see is the surface. It really was a wonderfully moving book that i own and maintains an important place on my bookshelf but i doubt i will ever read it more than perhaps 3 times in my lifetime.
Why? Simply that it was too moving, and though it taught me about myself it taught lessons that were painful enough i don't really want to relive them. It captured me the first time, i don't know if it could manage it the second time through and i don't want to try. I still recommend it to people but i find that i can't read it myself again.
This brings me to the point of this post. If you have ever talked to me or read anything that i have posted here before you know i hold both Harry Potter and Twilight in disdain because of the quaility of their writing, well this is me saying that i am going to try and maintain the "if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all."
That is correct, i am going to try and stop insulting those books. You all have no idea how painful this will be for me. Still, they have become a source of negativity for me and so it is time to remove them and move on.
Besides, maybe someone else will read them and learn something that otherwise they wouldn't have, and who am i to stop that? I can't even drink in Vegas yet...
What are books that you have read and never will again? What lessons did they teach you?
Time for a new blog post, after all it is August, and not only that but i have gone home for a couple days which naturally means that the urge to write is something that is nearly devouring my mind. Well the urge to write and a couple other urges... including the urge to bloody well finish a series of books that i started recently when i was killing time in a Chapters in Toronto.
The series of books is called the Night Angel Trilogy (and unlike the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy there are only 3 books). Now i know that sounds like some kind of incredibly cheesy product placement, well that's because it is.
Time for some honesty here without the sarcastic quips. I read quite a lot, but i used to read more. I used to read 2 or 3 books a week, just devour them. The problem being that in reading so many books i developed a taste for them. I decided which ones i would like to read and which i would not. Hardly sounds like a problem, everyone has what they like to read and what they don't, just like they have what they like to eat and they don't.
The problem with gaining such a clear choice on what i liked and what i disliked is that i figured out why i dislike certain things. Due to that dislike i don't read as many books now because i tend to want to savor them and enjoy reading them. I tend to judge other books harsher, and i find less books that i want to read.
This leads to my product placement. Remember how i said i try to savor books? Recently i have been taking weeks to read 300 page books so that i can enjoy every second, and figure out every nuance in the plot. With the Night Angel Trilogy? I am on the third book and it takes me a maximum of three days to finish one of them. Oh, and they are above 700 pages each.
So yes, i am devouring these books at a pace that makes me kind of sad, because they are complex, they are (in my experience so far) unique. And i have never even heard of the author Brent Weeks before. So yes, i am sticking some product placement in here for an author of books that i think are brilliant but i have never heard of before.
And this is my challenge to however many people actually read this blog, tell people you know about books you like, not just the ones like Harry Potter that everyone reads, or War and Peace that scares everyone away and gives you bragging rights. Share the names of authors and books that aren't known that well, and help those writers find their way into the light.
For the comments of this post i would like you all to leaves some names of books that you truly love, books that you can go back and read over and over.
So what am i going to write about tonight? Well i suppose i could write about how i took that whole not writing till August thing and just forgot about it. Or i could forget about it, and that is what i am going to do.
Instead tonight i want to write about my relationship with God, because i find it to be something amusing. I think that my view while unique does have something to offer.
I have a perspective on God that, to be honest, i share with just one other person. Well, that's one way to put it. I mean that he understands my view even if he does not agree with it.
My relationship with God... Well my actual beliefs line up along with the supporting the idea that God is not this big ancient all powerful parental unit that planned everything that has or will happen so completely that the few rules he planned out would always be right.
Something in that just strikes me as wrong. Something in that strikes me as wrong that the being which created all of reality out of nothing would really care who you have sex with and when, or that you use a condom. Is it just me or do these things strike you as kinda extremely trivial?
I can't help but think of a line from the TV show Life right now, which is "one plus one equals one". I know, this notion sounds kinda weird, kinda stupid, and more than a little cheesy. This line is an expression that the separation between all people is nothing more than an illusion. This lines up with another line in the show "Even as we exhale it is inhaled by others. Even as i exhale it is inhaled by my friend. Even as i exhale it is inhaled by my enemy. In this way i am no different from my friend, in this way i am no different from my enemy."
See even though we cannot see the air it is there. (if you want more cheesy lines about air being there go watch Bulletproof Monk)
Even though we don't realize it, the very things that make us up are constantly changing and shifting, constantly dropping away to be replaced by new atoms and molecules. Even though physically we all are constantly changing and yet we remain the same.
So i guess we work down to my idea of what God is, is that combination of all beings. That we all are God, and there is a balance that forms, there is a pattern in the chaos. Actually there are patterns, and you can choose which to see.
So yes, you will see me point up at the ceiling or sky and say "you know you have a fucking twisted sense of humor" but really that is just me joking around. If only the universe was that simple.
Happy One Hundred Everybody!!! Yes, that's right, at long last i have made it to 100 posts and here it is. Wow... Can't believe i made it this far. For those of you who have read this since i started thanks for sticking around. For those of you just starting i hope you find something you like.
To be honest i wasn't really thinking about the fact that i had finally reached this number, i had planned an idea for this post to be about which actually linked to what started me originally writing a blog. See what really started me writing a long time ago was a hunt for quotes... Well that's the best way i can think of to start it.
See what got me writing was the urge to be a writer and write a book. Two blogs i have read have become books as well, and this is what urged me to start my own. But really i can backtrack from that. I was sitting in the library googleing for quotes and i came across some really cool ones that were said by "The Waiter" and i had no clue who this guy was so i googled him.
That brought me to a blog that i continue to read this day, that is one of my favorite authors of all time, Steve Dublanica, who writes the blog Waiter Rant. This is one of the few blogs where i have backtracked to the beginning and read it from the first to the last.
And that blog links into what i wanted to write about here, which is all about the people who were giving off the bad vibes when i went to that fancy restaurant recently. See the main thing that really struck me was well, i could see the two women who were there with two men. The view i had of them was i could see the one who spoke loud enough for me to hear and i couldn't believe what i could hear her say.
See let me explain why it is, the restaurant is an expensive place meaning that it isn't really the place anyone who doesn't have money to spare goes to (that's one of the reasons i wont be back). Meanwhile this woman was also wearing nice clothes unlike me (cheap t-shirt and shorts, woot for warm weather). In additon to this she was VERY tanned and had quite a few tatoos that i think have been there for QUITE a while.
Anywho, the what was it that she said was that she was talking about the negativity of people using computers or TVs because of the fact that the screens messed with them meanwhile they were doing yoga to ground themselves.
Now let me explain my problem with this, why this bugged me enough to convince me to never go back to the restaurant there, or at least never in a small group (i wouldn't mind being the group which got overheard).
See i support the notions that yoga and meditation and prayer and all the different ways that people seek their spirituality can help to ground themselves. I get that there are different things that work for different people. Meditation is what works for me, prayer and confession don't really work for me. Yoga gets me in touch with with myself and makes me more aware of my body, of my physical self. It is something that i forget about from time to time so it is nice to have a way to reconnect.
Meanwhile i also use my computer to connect to myself by writing out blog posts like this one, i use it to write things like MWBN and other stories. I am going to use it to write an autobiography for one of my classes. It is just a secondary way for me to connect to myself, a way to connect to my mind similar to yoga or running or swimming or jumping rope connects me to my body.
What bugged me was hearing this woman complain about the way that people use computers, being so one sided on the issue. She was so focused on the negative, so completely on one side that she didn't seem open to the ways that computers can really be a wonderful thing. Meanwhile she is someone who has gone through so many different things that could have affected her negatively, she is so tanned that clearly she isn't quite focused on what is good for her body.
Its that one sidedness that i dislike. Its that closed off to the possible good that can occur. That and the hypercritical personality of the woman. There isn't anything wrong with her choice to tan as much as she wants until cancer grows all over her, but she shouldn't criticize someone else for using a computer and that being a part of their life.
Hi out there, it seems to be a new day that nothing really is going to get done, so while that is happening i figured i would send out a new blog post for y'all.
So one of the things i decided to do for the course of this summer was to try most, if not all, of the restaurants in the downtown of this city. Why would i want to do something like that? Especially considering that i am a cheap student who works only every couple weekends?
Well because over the last year there were a few recommendations of where to eat and those places were the main areas that we all ate at. And the food was good there, really good. But when you decide to take a break from cafeteria food and actually eat something which wasn't as mass produced... well it is nice to get a change, but a change should really be something new.
And that would be why i decided to try all these different places and different foods. I decided to try and find the places that i like going to, the food i like to eat, the restaurants that are good to just sit and relax in.
And so i have been eating at various new places throughout the town, and i have found that for the most part they are great, that their food is in general well made, and that for the most part the recipes exist for a reason. The last place that i tried was a very fancy restaurant. To be honest i am not used to eating at places like it.
I am used to eating at places which are relatively nice, but not places where the cheapest meal is around 16$. The food was great, it was filling. The enviorment was relaxing and comfortable. But i don't think i will be going back, at least not often.
Why? Well other than the fact that the food was too expensive for my taste was that the fact that the place just carried with it a feeling that i didn't belong. Did i feel uncomfortable there? Not really but yes. I know that doesn't make sense, but to me it does.
Could i sit in such a place, eating such fancy food and sipping water (cause everything else was too expensive) from my crystal glass? Sure i could, and i did. Did i feel uncomfortable sitting in a place where there was a blatant negativity following from the only other occupied table there? Yes, i did.
Now what do i mean by that? Well it goes along with something i read recently in another blog post by someone else. The notion that money makes people unhappy is something that frankly i don't find it too surprising.
The people at the other table there were so very... upsetting, they just complained and complained (and yes i realize that is what i am doing now) and i would rather eat in less fancy places with simpler food and be around groups of people who sit there and tell stories to make each other's experience more comfortable.
That is why i don't fit in when i go to fancy places. Because i don't like what they seem to stand for and support. After all, life is too complicated to eat complicated food.
Ok, so this is an uber quick post that i am sending out because i want to know your thoughts. What does sitting in a Starbucks, writing a blog post and drinking a green tea make me?
Hello out there all you looney people who actually bother to read this (and yes, i do appreciate it), long time no chat! Why is this you may ask? Where have i been? Why have i not been writing to you?
Did i suffer some kind of terrible accident, like electricuting myself when i was attempting to charge a remote controlled car? No, because sadly i don't have a remote controlled car at my house... Did i get hurt in some other way that is a little less amusing? No, i remain unhurt (except for my head, but blame stats class for that!), instead the reason i haven't been writing these long one sided conversations to all of you is far less interesting, far less joyful, frankly it is far less fun.
I have been (wait for it! Can i get a drum roll please?) doing my homework (GASP!) and focusing on that rather than on the blog that i write for fun and self fulfillment (DOUBLE GASP!!).
Yes, i know, me taking a responsible view of my work and focusing on what matters right now rather than what i simply want to do. Shocking, its almost like i am a mature student who realizes that sometimes class really is important!
So yes, for the past while i have been working on an essay followed by a lab report and as such i have been working on doing a good job on both (or at least not a really crappy job done the day before...) so that i will get a semi decent mark.
Why are you writing a post now? you might be tempted to ask, well simply i have decided to take one night off before going back and working on my autobiography and studying for the exams i have next week. Yes, i am going to write an autobiography. No, it is not by choice, it is for a class. No, i probably will not end up posting it here.
But anywho, because of this time off from blogging i felt the urge to write it and explain it. I also might pound out several posts tonight to even things out. Looking forward to writing to all of you again on my semi-regular basis come August! TTYL
So its late, and now i am going to write a blog post. Why? Because i feel like it, and i have an idea to write about. The idea i want to talk about comes from the movie Happy Feet, which i saw for the first time recently (and i recommend it btw, i mean dancing penguins? AWESOME!).
The idea that Happy Feet inspired in me to write about something which i read about back in high school. I cannot for the life of me remember what this book was called, all i know is that while it was written in a very very frighteningly popular style which is so incredibly common with modern thrillers, the plot was so unique that 5 years later it still stands out in my mind. Admittedly if you remind me of the basis of nearly any book i have read i can give you a somewhat accurate synopsis but this one i legitimately remember.
(BTW: it is no longer late, it is in fact several days later, in the next week, and i am going to hopefully finish this post tonight...)
The main point of this book was one of a fault in being someone who believes in something fanatically to the point where they then disregard new information in the face of the past belief. Its something i feel passionately about (in case you didn't get that when i said that i started this post several days ago and didn't toss in the 20 or so minutes to quickly type it out, which is probably how long this will take... but now i am giving it my attention!).
Anywho, being so fixated on past knowledge that you refuse to accept new information. Bad thing, very very bad thing. Is it something i can say that i don't do? Something i manage to avoid each and every single time it comes up? No, i can't say that. I can't say that i don't have beliefs that would defy new discoveries. My belief that love exists? That there are things we can't describe. That the entire universe is not quantifiable. These beliefs are the ones i don't think can be shaken, by anyone.
Then there come the beliefs that form up what i guess would be called "my religion", the belief that everything is one, that life has no grand larger meaning, that if there is a "God" it doesn't give a damn if you do or don't have sex. Things like that form up beliefs that i doubt would be changed by anyone saying something to me.
So what was this book about? This book that deals with people not accepting new knowledge? To say i can remember the entire plot in enough detail to explain it would be a lie. But the bare bones? Those i can give you.
The storyline follows a man and a woman (to provide them with romance of course) as they start investigating a... well the terms that come to mind are prophet or cult. This cult surrounded a young woman in Europe during the middle ages. The evidence comes out over and over again that this young woman was born to a virgin, preformed miracles, and there was evidence that she preformed many of the same miracles that Jesus was thought to preform.
Basically what it comes down to is that she was the second coming of God, first as a man in Jesus, then as a woman, showing that they are two parts of the same thing. The symmetry with the author's writing was so cool. But what happened? Due to the time when this woman who was the second coming was alive she was persecuted and killed on a cross.
Because of the actions of the past the church also refused to admit its mistake in the modern times which lead to the conflict in the book. It is the similar idea which i then saw expressed in Happy Feet.
The man character is so different from the past, different from the "religion" of the penguins which is a song. He begins dancing, expressing himself in a new way which is suddenly so unacceptable to the older penguins. In their refusal to accept him, accept the knowledge that he brings they shut themselves off to it and to possible solutions to the problems filling their world.
So i guess that is kinda my problems with big giant organizations, the reason i like to stick with the smaller places. There is the same information, but there you lack the clout to get away with ignoring it. Keep your eyes open, see what is actually there, and go watch Happy Feet.
So in case you can't tell i am still trying to work through the massive list of ideas that i sent myself, and keep sending myself. I have to admit i love always having an idea to work with but i kinda miss the whole complete free fall blog. But oh well, i guess i will have to find a way to work around that. I mean i don't really want to write about a pre-picked topic but i also kind of really want to.
But anywho, onto today's topic to write about, relationships and "the talk". Why did this occur to me to think about? Could be that i have strong opinions on it? Could it be that a bunch of thoughts were bouncing around in my head about it a while ago and it made me want to write about it?
Well i have to say that while those things seem to be true, the most likely reason that i had the thought to write about relationships and "the talk" is because of the fact that i have been watching the show Scrubs like the crazy addict i am.
Yes, i know, it sometimes makes it seem like a soap opera and sometimes seems like a comedy but for me it reflects a lot more of what life is really like. Well perhaps not life... but it goes along with a lot of my views.
Anywho the main idea here is about relationships. Something i have been thinking about is relationships. I have been a person that people talk to about their relationships for a long time and want to know the dirty little secret i have been taught from all of them? That the more people tend to worry about how their relationships are going to work or not the more that they tend to lie or hide who they are.
See that is a massive problem, i mean if you truly want to be with a person, truly have a lasting relationship with them then you need to be honest with yourself and with them.
The other part i know is going to sound odd for me advocating but oh well, what i am talking about here is selfishness & compromise. Namely you need to be selfish a bit in your relationship, you need to realize the things that you can't change, the things you need, and what it is that is too much for you. You need to decide what it is that you wont give up about yourself for someone else.
The compromise comes in from the same thought process, you need to realize what things are not more important to you than your relationship. These are the parts of yourself that you don't consider more important than getting it to work. Its these things that when it comes down to it you need to be willing to let go rather than continue to fight over.
When it comes down to it, these things are what "the talk" is all about. They are about you talking (shocker, i know) to the other person about what you mean to them, about being honest about what they mean to you, and about your life in general. It pisses me off that there is this whole image of an honest relationship being something so scary.
There is a line in season 4 of Scrubs (yes, i know, you want the connection to Scrubs to be over with already!) in which one of the older characters says to two of the younger characters "Anything in life worth having doesn't come easy, you have to work for it" or something to that affect. The right relationship with the right person, does that sound like something worth having?
And if telling the truth, learning about what really matters, and letting a few fights go is the hardest work you have to do, is it really that bad? Speaking as a writer, and as someone who tries to be honest all the time, let me tell you, lies are more work than the truth.
Now i want all of you to keep in mind that this essay has not been edited yet, and with my f button acting weird it might have a few mistakes, but i promise they will be fixed before i hand it it.
The main issue I find facing indigenous people in Canada currently is the path which languages are taking. Namely, while some languages continue to be used, they are marginalized, and others simply die out to be replaced by English and with that there is also a loss of culture, of lifestyle, and of wisdom which has a lot to be offered to Canada, as well as Western society as a whole. Indigenous languages offer words and ideas which cannot be expressed in English. As well, these ideas and stories offer new ways into viewing the modern world. The modern age is attempting to leave the prejudices of the past behind, to find better, more efficient ways of doing things.
In order to understand something as it is now, it must be understood as it was. The reason for this is that part of what makes something the way it is, is that it took a unique path to get to where it is now. That seems like a convoluted way to get that point across but it is a key point. In order to understand the problems that the English language is creating now it is necessary to have an understanding of how it gained such a position of influence. England itself has several key features which when combined gave it an edge in ages past when it came to influencing the rest of the world.
The main way to transport goods and people throughout the world before the invention of the airplane was to load them onto a boat and then ship them around the world. The reason that Italy, and the Roman empire enjoyed such a grand place in the hallowed halls of history is because so much of what has been deemed as the important history is the history of Europe. Italy was placed to be able to ship its troops around far more efficiently than other groups of people in the area. When it became time for countries to voyage away from continental Europe England had an advantage in that it was an island and therefore already had a navy which they could put to use in exploration and colonization. This combined with its past further back which conspired to give England technological advances which would greatly aid in the process of conquest gave this tiny island the means to have a large hand in the shaping of the world.
Despite the past works of England at large in the world the current issues with the English language arise mainly from the United States of America. Due to the USA's prominent rise to power and influence it has dictated that even through England's fall from control of the world the English language would continue to be used in both business and military operations around the world. Because the USA is the largest creator of media and exporter of said media it creates a massive influence on the rest of the world, particularly the youth of the world which are the people who will decide which cultures live or die. The USA also has such a powerful economy that it can drag other countries of the world into a depression or recession. The flip side of this of course being that in order to make large sums of money, or in many cases, even adequate sums of money, and a person must speak the language that their pay is going to be negotiated in.
Through this kind of greed, this kind of necessity that money drives the need to learn the English language, often at the expense of other languages and cultures. The culture of the United States is becoming in its own way so complex and changes so quickly that it draws the mind into it; once something has been figured out it seems to change completely. Some sociologists blame this on corporate powers seeking to advertise to teenagers and other young people(Dretzin). In the documentary the Merchants of Cool the idea is discussed that the culture youths in western society attempt to create for themselves is generally taken over by corporate greed and then commercialized, forcing them to find something else to embrace(Dretzin). It is in this manner that western culture becomes a sort of kaleidoscope for the young people, ever shifting and catching attention so that more traditional values or ideas, especially if they don't mesh well with this continuous shifting of values and ideals, fall by the wayside.
Furthermore in examining the past of the English language it needs to be noted the changing values which alter the way in which it is perceived now versus then. Namely in the past there was a prevalent idea that one culture, one race, or one religion was intrinsically better than all the rest. This notion, that the beliefs of one society trumped another lead to the suppression and persecution of peoples far and wide. In British held north America it resulted in the creation of the residential schools as well as a number of horrible treaties and deals in which the government from England took advantage of indigenous populations and robbed them of their homes and lively hoods.
Residential schools were an attempt to drive the culture out of indigenous people by attacking it in the children of the various societies. It shows yet again the importance of the young, that they are malleable and are quite literally the future. If they all lack the knowledge of a culture, so that not a single young person has the complete vocabulary of a language or the knowledge of a legend or creation story then when the last old person who knows it dies, so does the story or the language.
It is this death that England tried to create; it is this kind of murder which residential schools aspired to. Not to murder a person, but to murder a people. At the same time removing the land and lively hood from the people created a way for them to distance indigenous people from their past. To say that it was an intentional action is most likely providing the British Empire with too much credit and creativity, but it did prove to be quite effective. To remove such volumes from a culture, to make it so that some creatures and some places only exist now in stories is to scar the world forever in this way. It makes it easier to lose touch with the past when the past becomes nothing more than stories told in a slow fashion which takes hours when the world already demands so much attention for people to keep up.
But what of the English language itself? How does it play into all of this, what makes it so unique other than its past? In its current state English forms the majority of the media, even in Canada which is a bilingual country. Rather than television stations being split between the two languages of English and French the majority of them outside of Quebec are singularly English. It is the language taught at most elementary schools and high schools. To learn another language is not so much a requirement but a choice that children or teenagers have to make if their parents will not make it for them.
As well English grows into each area it is spoken, like most languages it picks up local idioms and turns of phrase. The difference being that English is growing so fast that it is predicted to become the first modern language to gain over 1,000,000 words. It also has spawned a new form of itself, with texting and internet chat languages creating short forms and new shapes for words as well as emoticons for expressing emotion through text. In this growing language to a degree young people can gain a voice by using a new word until it gains momentum and joins the mainstream, not unlike a trend gaining corporate marketing and becoming a fad.
The devices which young people use to communicate through, computers and cell phones are generally designed by English speaking people for English speaking clientele. This means that they carry the English alphabet and furthermore as the majority of websites and songs which are offered are in English it makes more sense to speak it. The next question is that if this is a far more common language and young people are in general spending more time with people that they are not related to do they not require a common language? Similar to Latin in medieval Europe where it was the language of the university so that all people could understand each other in an academic environment English is somewhat the language of the young across north America, so that while there might be minor misunderstandings due to local preferences, such as pop versus soda, in general people tend to be able to communicate with each other because most of the words share a common meaning.
A problem currently growing in the English language though is the need to be able to label. Namely if it exists there seems to be some kind of a need for a word for it. An example would be two people who have a long distance friendship, if they don't ever really see each other but instead exchange text messages, emails, and speak on the phone, someone may decide to label their friendship as a convo-ship, combing conversation and friendship. In this seeking and labelling of new situations, of designing a word for every single thing so that nothing remains unlabeled English hurts itself. Namely as the English language tries to be able to cover every situation it encounters a problem that is very prevalent in western society, that sometimes a person, a politician, a teacher, a parent, someone in authority doesn't actually hold all the answers. English tries to explain every single situation and occurrence that happens without realizing that in having to apply the English language to it offers a limit on what can be known, what can be said, and what can be described. Because English comes with its own perspective from its past it has limitations in the now. That is not to say that it will not someday gain the perspective and understanding needed to describe things which indigenous languages and stories already understand, already can offer wisdom on. It is this fact, that there is useful knowledge which seems to be disregarded to a large extent that is the shift which needs to occur in the westernized mindset.
With this current situation it may seem that all is lost. That in this current situation it may be possible to hold onto the young generation for a while but eventually the entirety of them will slip away and be replaced by generations after generations of youths who embrace the going trends and try to remain one step ahead of "the man". It seems to be a depressing state of affairs to be sure, but one thing to keep in mind is the evolution of the way that people react and grow as well as how easy it is to share knowledge now. The growing short attention span comes from the current technology which is becoming more and more widespread. This is actually a blessing in disguise.
With kids looking for stimulation and ideas to explore there are so many pieces of indigenous knowledge which can be offered. Books and stories that can be read to young children before bed, they can incorporate themes that differ from the western fairy tales where the beautiful princess is saved by the handsome prince. They can include new words to stretch their vocabulary. As well, with parents reading along with their children the words would eventually, if not right away, work their way into the parent's vocabulary which in turn would allow the words to be used in a wider society as a whole.
Books are not the only medium available to help though, there is also music if one of the many musicians who are activists could be contacted. The number of different themes and different perspectives could offer so much to song writing as well as to conventional authors. It would allow for a larger growth of art in general to grow which in turn would present the world with new forms of knowledge. In western society it is the task of artists and academics to press the world to change, to recognize what is there in front of their eyes. The values and changes that can be made by attempting to look at the world in another manner should appeal to the psychologist, the sociologist and the anthropologist. As well, examining traditional medicines should be something which doctors attempt to do, because their duty is to their patents first. If something works, the western view is to find out why, not to say that something is not worth it because of the source. With so much to offer much of the world should be standing up and asking a lot more questions.
As well the internet offers a lot for the growth of spreading and saving knowledge. There are people around the world who would be more than willing to aid in the recording and saving of knowledge as well as setting up ways for people to learn it. The internet allows the spread of knowledge to travel much faster than ever before, and to reach those who are interested in learning it so much sooner. Languages can be recorded as they are spoken and placed online for download so that people can learn and gain a deeper understanding of the world and of themselves.
Which brings up a question, who has the rights to try and learn these languages, to gain this knowledge before it leaves and must be rediscovered again or remain forgotten forever? There is a growing number of people who are dissatisfied with the life offered to them from their parents. Teens and young adults who feel that the religious institutions of their parents are just that, institutions and not something that actually cares about the people they pretend to protect and save. There is a growing sense of dissatisfaction from the westernized lifestyle where someone works for years and years at a job they hate in order to get to retirement where they can finally enjoy life.
These people are a resource that is readily available if people are willing to reach out to them. They are willing to learn and share the knowledge they are given. They will be the teachers and artists who have an impact on people's lives. They probably won't be the people who rise to the top of corporations and make the decisions that affect millions of people around the globe. Instead they will be the ones whose books or paintings inspire others. They are the ones who in their spare time will help others. They are the ones who will teach classrooms of young people and attempt to get them to recognize the pain that a North American lifestyle offers. They are the ones who will try to open other people's eyes to what is going on in the world. If they are given the chance they will work with all their passion to make sure that knowledge and languages are never lost and are never ever wasted.
That is the way the world is now. It is a world of speed and drugs, of work and pain, of suppression and lacking understand and compassion. It doesn't show much respect to the past, it doesn't tend to focus on much other than the future, not even the here and now. It is a place where people run from place to place and don't look at the journey in the middle. It is a world where the one dominant language, English, is slowly eating up the others, though there is a resistance to it. Yet there is opportunity here. The very things which create such negative situations can be turned and used to save indigenous knowledge, can be used to create a better world. If those who are willing to learn really meet with those who have the knowledge to teach then it is possible that nothing really will be lost. It is possible that the world will grow even further. It is likely that people will grow to be greater, to understand more, and to hurt less. It all depends on how people react soon. This is the time when it is being decided. It isn't a time to wait till tomorrow, or to hold back. It is here, it is now. The only question left to ask is the one to ask yourself, ask if you are ready to take the steps. Ask if you think you can do it. Ask if you are ready to be a teacher and a student at the same time. Hope the answer is yes.
OK dude, readers, people who surf the interwebs. I am gonna write you another blog post right now. Why? Why am i writing another one today? Why am i not working on MWBN or reading the bible or some other such activity which fills so much of my time?
Well mainly it is actually this kind of exhaustion flowing through me cause i have only eaten really crappy food lately. No, sorry, that's a lie. I have been eating whole wheat bread and cold meats, but i haven't been eating enough fruits or veggies, i have been missing out on eating garlic and ginger, and i stopped consuming tea ever since the stupid heat wave hit.
So as such a lot of the stuff i have been eating which made me feel full of energy and vitality. Instead now i have been falling prey to the westernized diet and it took till today for me to feel the full effects. Basically i need to go shopping for lots of fruits and veggies and try to be an almost vegetarian for a while.
So instead of doing these things which i need to be doing in order simply to reach the end, (and i know, i have been saying it is all about the journey) but if you never reach the end it is just as bad and focusing on reaching the end too soon.
So yes, i write another blog post because it quite simply is easier to do than to try to learn a new skill, to write a truly well written story. That is part of the problem, i don't just want to write out the story, create the path, and then leave it. It has to be the right path, it has to be one in which the full potential of the characters and their story comes out.
Yes, this story is also mine. It is mine in that i am the one who writes it, the one who is there when the first pain, the first joy, the first fall and the first triumph is experienced by each character. But... i guess a part of me feels some kind of relation to Chuck in Supernatural, to the movie Stranger Than Fiction, and to the movie Inkheart.
In each of these works there is an author who writes out a work, for the sake of art, or for the fact that this story comes into their mind, and they feel that they have no choice but to write it down. This is the feeling i have when i think about this story. I know the plot-line, i know what needs to be said. The problem is that it isn't just my story, it is about those who are the characters in it as well.
And to them i feel a responsibility. Its probably part of my insanity but it has to do with the way i write, with what i demand of myself. And that is why, when i feel tired and my head aches and i can't really focus i blog, but i don't write MWBN, because to write in that state is to fail. To knowingly fail, and that i wont allow.
