Some More Angst

So i have a bit more angst for y'all. Recently i came to a conclusion about myself while listening to my favorite podcast, Zen is Stupid. I came to the conclusion that i cannot work for any large company when i am older because i simply have that much dislike against large companies/organizations.

This conclusion came to me because my job has become increasingly stressful for me recently. One of the reasons for this i am sure is that it simply has become too much of the same, with nothing new it becomes hard to know if what i am doing really matters, i fill shelfs and they empty, i fill them, they empty, day in day out.

Then this week my department was given extra people from other departments to help us. We usually have an assistant manager and a manager as well as myself but the assistant moved on to a nicer place. As such i have not only outlasted 5 assistant managers, and have the most seniority in the dairy/frozen department. As such i was in charge of these people. Now because of this when they needed help on knowing what to do next or where something was they asked me, but when i wanted them to do something, i was SOL because i had no official authority over them. If i wanted any kind of authority over them i would have to stick around there for years before i managed to hear about a job that no full timer wanted so i could get it.

Therefore i developed a kind of stress out where i considered walking out in the middle of my shift. It was driving me up the wall that much.

As well i grew up in an environment where no matter how the government/random company acts there is some way that it could have been done better. This sort of attitude seems to have infected my thought process so that every single time i think about the fact that i work for a big company i feel sick with myself. I offer up products that i don't really believe are good for people, support a business that slowly is eating up smaller producers, and work in an environment that i can't stand.

The entire thing was knocked home for me the other night when i was talking to a guy i used to work with. He got a job as a full-time, assistant night manager. The job had been forcing him to be up all night and try to sleep during the day. He hadn't been about to and had lost somewhere around 80 pounds in addition to having problems with his diet and his personal relationships with people.

Anyways recently he had a breakdown at work, began crying and went home. He got a doctor's note for a week off and now is hoping to switch to any other job the boss will allow. This drives home how i can't work for any company, at least with the mindset i have now because i was close to that point earlier this week and i wasn't under the stress of months at working during the nights. I will need to be someone who works for myself or at least a company where i believe in their work.

P.S. when grocery shopping don't complain about your feet hurting or how far you have to walk, the people working will have been on their feet longer and will be walking further.

Cruel Intentions, Misunderstood Intentions, Good Intentions.

OK so this post... Well let me go with this movie i have been obsessing over ever since i have watched it on Fox one afternoon. This movie is called Cruel Intentions and it stars Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, and Reese Witherspoon. If you haven't seen this movie i highly recommend it to you, it is kinda really amusing yet very deep undertones.

Beware though, if you keep reading i will spoil a couple plot points for you. This is my disclaimer, don't get pissed at me if i ruin bits for you.

So in the movie Ryan's character is trying to seduce Witherspoon's in order to win a bet with his step sister which means she will sleep with him. Yep, the movie is all about sex, sex, and for fun a little more sex.

Now keep in mind that Witherspoon in this movie is such a proud advocate for waiting to be in love before having sex that she is actually the subject of an article in 17 magazine. This movie portrays something which began to come to the forefront of my mind recently.

In our society we seem to have a certain kind of love for those in extremes. Couples are in extremes of love, on and off again, people who are pure and seem amazing or people who are completely evil and seem to have no traces of good anywhere on their soul.

These are the people we tend to watch, the geniuses, the mad scientists, the one demensional people who we pigeon hole into being good or bad, but not the ones in-between. But then as the movie goes on you see Ryan's character beings to develop some better characteristics he actually becomes more interesting as a person, even as he is less interesting to just watch, i found myself becoming involved with the character, rooting for him (as you should in a good movie).

This leads me to think about why do we find these people more entertaining? I think it may be due to the laziness we all have somewhere deep inside us. We don't really want to get to know everyone that detailed because if we did then we would have to remember it all, we would be invested in all of them that deeply, and each pain that happened would affect us a little more. Instead of watching the news and thinking about the stupid people in Toronto you might find yourself knowing the people involved.

It goes back to the idea that there is no good or bad, there is just differing shades of grey. I guess i just think that even though the movie is great and features a lot of comedy and drama maybe we all should look beyond it, and see that each person is more than just the one dimension.

How to Grocery Shop and Not Make the Staff want to Kill You...

OK so this is the post filled with angst that my job has me wanting to make each and every single day i am there. If you buy your food from a grocery store, then you need to read this list. This is the list of things to do and to not do in the store you do your shopping in.

Firstly, if you have kids, don't bring them unless you can control them. If you bring your kids into the store you should not have to yell at them, tell them to do something more than twice, or be impatient with them. I know, sounds hard right? But here is the dirty little secret, you chose to have kids, and they aren't necessary for buying food. Leave them somewhere else if you can't have them behave.

Next, you know that lovey dovey partner you have? The one you miss every single second you are apart? Ya, feel free to shop with them, feel free to kiss them, but keep moving, and remember there are other people besides you. If you want to go around the store slowly, then shop late at night where people can go around you. But don't shop slowly when the store is full.

On that note, you know your old when you only meet your friends at the local grocery store and need to catch up on every single detail of each other's lives. Well guess what? There are places where you can go to to sit and do this out of the way, don't congregate together and block the way.

Next, shop with at least 2 people. Yep, do it in a group so you can get stuff as you go, and have someone to check the prices at the cash register together, and have someone to make sure you don't make a colossal ass out of yourself. Believe it or not no matter how much you complain we can't change things for you. The more that you complain about it the less we really want to help you.

Now on that note, sometimes we actually do want to help you. Yes, there are days when we feel like being good people and would like to show you around the store, but generally it isn't up there on my list of things to do before i die. So listen, its OK to ask for someone to check for things in the back if they are walking slowly, if they are working slowly, or if they are asking if you need help. But if you see someone talking on a phone, leading someone somewhere, working very fast, or walking very fast in one direction don't bother them. These are the people who are doing something more important and most likely your question will waste their time.

As well when you ask people questions set an example for the kids you really shouldn't be bringing shopping and ask it politely, if you are rude when talking to people they may do one of my favorite things. We go in the back and because the person was being such an ass to us we go and find someone to shoot the shit with for say 5 minutes before putting on worried/regretful face and walking out to tell you that "I am so sorry but i can't find any, we must be out of stock..." then no matter what you tell me, no matter how many times you have been to the store, no matter what you think about the people who place the orders i can't be held responsible. And you are going home with whatever was worth making the fuss.

If this does happen to you, don't ask for someone else to go look, don't ask to speak to a manager, just let it go and leave. If it is that important for you to get whatever this product is than you can afford to go somewhere else. Because if you bring up a manager and get them to get whomever you were dealing with in trouble they will A) tell every single person they know about how you are such an ass and B) probably get in trouble at the job they need. Nobody works at a grocery store for the inner peace it gives them.

While in a grocery store ask a person about the items, and this is the tricky part AROUND THEM!!!! Don't go to say the person at the meat counter and ask about bras or to the person in electronics about mangoes. They wont know, true they might be able to get a hold of someone who knows but it will be a major pain in the ass, instead hang out in the department in question, you will be helped eventually.

Keep in mind that if you want to buy a lot of stuff then you should be putting aside at least half a day, and plan it out to be done starting really early or finishing really late. This way you can have some time in the store when it isn't jammed with people so that you can get some help and move around. Shopping during weekdays also is a good idea.

Now i don't like the whole shopping for even a month in advance, if your going to do your shopping in advance i think it should be for about a week at a time, this way you aren't buying as much at a time so you can leave sooner. Plus this way i think your food is slightly more likely to be healthy.

OK next rule, look around you. Most of the time people will run up to me and ask about where some kind of product is, not noticing that they walked right by it to get to me. So look around, be observant, pay attention. Just look around you and use your head and you can find most of the things in the store.

Finally just keep in mind that the people who work there are people. Treat them the way they should be treated, and that they don't want to spend as much time there as much as you.

Internet Media

So here i am again, i did not die, i just... slacked off on posting which is something i will probably always have a tendency to do. But i dragged myself back. By my GTD list (getting things done) i did. So here i am at my computer, struggling to focus through several msn conversations and a splitting headache but focus i will because i will not let this blog go for more than a week without a new post!

So here i am writing and for a while a lot of different topics bounced around my head. I can't help that i have a load of opinions but not all of them will make it onto this blog, not all of them are worth your time (that's right, i have worse crap than the stuff i have been writing about hiding somewhere in my head). But in the end i decided to do another post about stuff for you to read other than things written by me.

But i am not going with a genre to recommend from, this time i am going with internet media, meaning there are many more forms available. So here they are the things i think you should read/listen to online. Keep in mind the things i recommend here all have tonnes of past archives that are just as good as the current updates.

First and foremost i want to tell you to read Waiter Rant which is also the title of the book by the same author, Steve Dublanica. His work can vary from the humorous to the crazy to the awesome to the truly inspiring. He talks generally about human nature and society as seen from his unique perspective. He was going to become a priest but grew disillusioned with the church, entered the medical administrative field, got black balled from that, and became a waiter. His story and the stories he has picked up along the way can often be just what you need to cheer yourself up or inspire you to become a better person.

The next rung of the ladder is in a similar vein to Steve, the blog is called Opinionsatas and is the rise of a young woman in New York named Melissa Lafsky. She is much more of a societal writer and deals more with feminist issues she sees in society. Her blog is something you would need to go to the archives to read as she tends to not update it as often, working instead for a paying blog, the Huffington post.

To continue the trend i have started (aka the order i began reading these blogs) i will go with the blog Girl With a One Track Mind. Taking feminist issues a step further along with all other things relating to sex or the left wing of politics this blog belongs to Zoe (i fail to recall her last name) who is the author of the book with the same name under the pseudonym Abby Lee. For a more in depth look at my views on relationships and sex check her blog out, i am in line with most of her thinking and differ mainly on her views of religion.

From here we get back to guys talking with the blog Todger Talk which is run by several men from the British Isles who write about sex love and relationships handing out advice to guys and gals on behavior, cleanliness and all other things people really need to know. They also add a picture to each post which i find nice, but am
too lazy to do here. Besides, i admit i am a writer not a photographer.

OK on the writer vibe head over to http://jimbutcher.livejournal.com/ to check out the blog from one of my favorite authors who through the few old posts available will teach you more about writing a novel than an entire semester of writer's craft did for me. This is of course a technique used to write out from a formula, not from a free fall, or a way to spark creativity (though if it does for you kudos).

And the last blog i will list is by another favorite author of mine. I picked up his first book on a trip to New York with my school and have been thankful ever since, The Frontal Cortex is by Jonah Lehrer who brings science and art together in awesome and new ways as well as keeping me updated on new discoveries and such that i would otherwise totally miss. His writing is relatable and reliable and should be read if you want to be somewhat slightly informed on genetics. He also links to the articles he references so you can improve your knowledge if you internet is slightly faster than dial up.

And the final thing i will recommend is the listen portion. Check out Zen is Stupid the podcast for entertainment on Zen Buddhism and life in general. It is the second place i started going to for information when i became interested in Buddhism again (the first is the TV show Life which, while entertaining, is not that informative). Check out their podcast on itunes or at there website and let it rock your socks.

(P.S. all the labels are for the other blogs listed here, because their topics cover damn near everything)

(P.P.S. I thought i had published this post but apparently not...)

Alanis, How Right You Are...

So there is a song out i think you should listen to. Yes you. I don't care who you are or that you only listen to death metal. I don't care that you think Alanis Morissette is a terrible singer who should have her voice box torn out (best insult i could think of).

Go turn on your Limewire or Frostwire and download the song Versions of Violence. It is a great song (at least to me cause i like the singer) but also because i think that the topic is something that gets a lot of air time in discussions and school and TV commercials but doesn't really enter too much of how we live our lives.

We live our lives thinking (well me at least) quite often how actions could hurt other people. But though we can scream and yell at other people for causeing harm to still more people or to ourselves but how often do we consider how our actions harm others? I know i don't near enough. I am still a way better critic of others than of myself (so if you know me please call me on it).

But the second point i want to raise here is we tend to consider violence something physical and that it only tends to really have one basic form (hitting people, even stabbing someone is similar to a hitting action). Meanwhile there we (or i hope we do) aknowledge that there is more to a person than simply their body(note kindergarden: its what is on the inside that counts).

Violence comes in many forms, and this is one of the reasons i like the language latin more than english (even though i don't speak it and don't plan to take courses on it), words have more than one meaning and in saying a word you need to consider more than the single meaning. Violence should be considered in my humble (ha ha) opinion something that harms someone else.

Now we need to define harm, because face it, harm can also mean tonnes of other things. To be honest the first thing i think of when i think the word harm is the first aid symbol. But harm is so much more than that. To get at my definition of harm we are going to use another word.

Suffering. Thats right people, we are heading back into Buddhist territory! Noble Truth Numerio Uno, Life is suffering! But what is suffering? Suffering is anthing that is a negative, hunger, pain, depression, reliance on a substance, greif, basically any form of pain (not getting the prom dress you wanted? yep that counts too).

To me harm is simply the result of an act of violence which causes suffering to someone. The equation goes something like this suffering is pain,voilence results in harm to someone which creates pain which is suffering.

Now one of the points of becoming Buddhist (or in my case a buddhist practioner, not an actual buddhist) is to help reduce suffering in the world through mindfullness. Mindfullness is being aware of what your doing. To explain that i shall tell a story.

Yesterday i was driving with a friend of mine to pick up my little sister but while driving we were having a very animated discussion, which distracted me so i missed the turn to where she would be not once but twice! This is an example of not being mindfull, i didn't pay attention to my actions or their consiquences, instead going on insticnt which resulted in a waste of gas and time (luckily my little sister was also late getting to her bus stop so we were there first).

Now how does mindfullness link to suffering which links to harm which links to violence which links to Alanis? Simple really, if you are mindful of your actions then you notice when you are about to do something which harms someone through an act of violence (taDOW! oh i love it when a plan comes together!).

Alanis's song comes into play though because it shows how violence isn't just an act of hitting someone, it is the act of doing anything which may cause harm which causes suffering. That includes anything mental, as well as things people don't know you are doing. Harm and violence are not always ententional, this is something obvious that still needs to be stated, but please, take the time to think about in which ways you are violent and how you feel about that.