The Righteous Rage Becomes my Cage

So i don't know exactly why i am blogging this... I guess its because i need to take an action right now to get some of the stuff bouncing around the inside of my skull out and this is the least self destructive way to do so.

So i've got family from New Brunswick in the area for this weekend, and they would fit in really well with George Bush and his cronies or so i think. Ya, that is right, i am related to bible thumpers. Somebody who thinks that Zen is the way to go, and a big part of my genetics is linked to people who dislike gays cause it says so in the old testament and yet love Jesus in the new one, even though he says "love thy neighbor" and "judge not lest yea be judged". My two favorite quotes from him.

And tonight after working for 8 and a half hours, starting this morning at 7 am (thats the time i had to be there, not when i woke up...) i was expected by my mom to go and make polite conversation with them about life and ignore any and all comments about gays, sex, life in general.

And i said no, flat out no, i will not do it. I wont go and suffer through it and have to associate with people whom i so strongly disagree with who will proceed to gossip about me behind my back (despite the fact that thats a no no in the bible too, check the old testament this time). And this is a major problem to my mom. She falls into the category of believing that family means come and smile and be pretty whenever they are in town then go back to insulting them once the plane takes off.

And i said no because, well, hypocrisy has always been waaaaaaaaaaay up there in my pet peeves, and i just can't stand to do it when i am falling asleep during my shift at work. If i had some more sleep sure, if i was in a job i hated less sure, if i was given a little more advance warning then defiantly a plus.

But i got none of this, and so i said no, i refused and my mom left basically crying after a near record holding shouting match between us. It was the first time i had managed to not shout for nearly the entire time too. But i did crack, and i yelled, and now i see the results of rage.

Because i love my mom, yes i love my mommy. And I'm seeing right now that maybe this once i should have given in to what she wanted instead of insisting for my own independence right now like i have been for months. Because that is why i fight her on things so often, i need my space to grow and start making my own mistakes (not that i don't make them now, but i need some freedom, why else would i be so desperate for residence?).

So i guess my point deep within all this rambling is consider your own motives, and when you have done that, consider them again. Then consider the other person's reasons for what they want. Then you can make up your mind.