Writing, no matter where i go, what i do, or what i learn i seem to find that writing is what i come back to. I spent the past year at a university in a general arts program trying to find what i want to do with my life. Tricky tricky challenge, as i had fled away from the idea of trying to become a professional writer in any way shape or form.
Instead i had embraced this idea that there was something else out there for me to do, something where i wouldn't have to put so much of myself on the line, hang so much of my dreams on other people. Instead there would be something in one of the various courses that would so appeal to me that i would find my future there, find what i want to be and to do there.
And in case you haven't figured it out this year has taught me one very big thing and reminded me of a lot of little things. The big thing that it has shown me is that i don't need to be hunting for what i want to do, for the goal that i feel is what i am made to do. That is because it has been here all along, that i really want to be a writer. Not for news papers or magazines, not just on the walls of bathroom stalls, but a novel writer, someone who creates stories and characters that say things about life, about what it means to exist, about the world. I want to write novels that teach people about things that i have experienced, share what i have learned.
I also have learned this year that i don't ever want to take an English course or a conventional writing courses ever again. I want to learn how to write from reading and from learning other things. I want to learn from life, read what i like and don't and then write to match it rather than dissect writing until i get caught up in the most trivial details.
It kinda reminds me of the Billy Bob Thornton movie School for Scoundrels where essentially men who lack self confidence enroll in a course to teach them to be more assertive in their lives. What happens at the end of the movie (spoiler alert! turn back if you have yet to see this movie!) is that the main character becomes a more in control of his life and more confident. He is asked to give a guest lecture on what it was like, but his response is that you don't teach if you can actually do something.
The point off of this is that each person knows how to lead there life and knows deep down inside what they really want, past all those dreams of money, world domination, toothless the dragon, an iron man suit and a number of other things. Instead past all of there there are the things people really want to do, the ways they really truly want to lead their lives.
Forget the self help books, the gurus, the get fit in a week or less machines for sale on late night infomercials. Each person deep down inside knows what they want, every last piece of it. Each person just has to get to know themselves to find it and go for it. Thats what i have done this year. That is why i am going to be a writer, because deep down that is what i want to do.
(that and i would also like to be a bartender, if you have a job opening let me know!)
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