So woke up today at 11:50, which was perfect because that is about 7 hours after i fell asleep. You probably have a lot of questions about that, namely, what the fuck were you doing up that late? Sadly it wasn't anything really that exciting... I was playing Kingdom Hearts and couldn't kill a couple bosses, which resulted in me swearing profusely and refusing to sleep until i killed the last couple.
Anywho, waking up at 11:50 brings me to the idea that i want to use in this post. See, today also being Canada Day means that i don't have to go to class, i don't work till the weekend, and i am currently caught up on all my homework! That means today gets to be a day where i get to work on things that i want to work on! Gasp!
Anywho, for me that means working on the novel i am somewhat attempting to create, it means i get to blog, it means i get to read, i get to enjoy tea, i get to journal some more because i haven't been doing that. Basically i am going to spend the day working like the starting up writer i am. That got me thinking about a line from the show Lie To Me. I can't remember what exactly happens during the episode but the woman who is new to the company is required to verify that a judge who is being considered for the supreme court doesn't have any deep dark secrets hiding in his closet just waiting to jump out and smack the president over the head.
What happens is that she goes through the first few questions about his life she is nervous and worried because she considers him so much more important than herself in the grand scheme of things. Then she discovers that he has lied and gains much more confidence but it isn't enough to get the job done so instead in comes her boss who gets him to admit the entire thing, she has the character growth moment where she sees it was a lie for a good reason and everybody goes home happy.
The point that i am getting to with this long cheesy story is that her actions were guided by her insecurities because (as is said in the show) "you are on your way to becoming one of the foremost deception experts on the planet, but you still think of yourself as a luggage checker at the airport. That needs to change."
See the main thing behind this is that you need to be less fixed on who you were and more focused on who you are becoming. This is a notion i personally deal with once every so often, namely i spend most of my time thinking i am a writer, then every so often i think "not really, i am more of a wanna be..." and it is this back and forth which is kinda fun but a little more frustrating.
Anywho it is a part of growing up that i just recently had an eye opening with. See this waking up to who you are becoming, that growing form of self respect and eye opening is something you need to see yourself as you are. And face it, which is healthier, self delusion or facing who you are without hiding behind false thoughts and images?
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