On the subject of an Education

Hey so here is one of those random posts i promised to toss out here once every so often. Why am i writing this? Well a blog i follow brought something to my attention which i want to write about. The link to the news article is http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_16029/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=pmVmhDzd go check it out for the article that gives the bare bones facts (or at least i thought it did, but i am biased)

The best way to basically sum it up is that this teacher got sick and tired of the way her students behaved and so she wrote rants on her blog online, which she maintained anonymously. Somehow some of her students figured out that she was writing about them and complained to the school (kinda funny considering one of her main problems with them was that they were whiny...)

Anywho, because grade 10-12 students are so fragile and need to be shielded from every single bit of criticism she was suspended from her job without pay and might be fired. She is meanwhile preparing to sue to keep her job because she was exercising her right to free speech (or so her lawyer plans to argue)

Now this becomes an issue for me because i obviously don't really make much of an effort to hide who i am. My profile picture is really me, i like my blog to my twitter which links to my tumblr which links to my facebook. They all are connected, all attempting to promote my viewpoint and more importantly my writing.

That being said my issue with what is occurring to this teacher is that, at least from what i have gathered, she DIDN'T try and get noticed by anyone. She was using blogs for what i still occasionally do, she has been writing an online journal instead of a pen and paper one. Why?

I don't know, and frankly it is none of my business. But for some reason people seem determined to unmask every single anonymous person who writes things online that are controversial. And lets be honest, the best writing is all about controversy.

I know that the blogs Waiter Rant(who apparently is down today meaning i can't link to him), Girl with a one track mind, and Opinionistas were all blogs that i followed, and all wrote about things that might get the fired or shunned. Each and every one of them suffered someone trying to find out who they are (and in at least one case succeeding)

The problem here is that the internet is a place where if you want you are supposed to be able to go out and say whatever you want into it, and if you want you don't need to attach your name. I don't put any names into my posts, be it the name of my school or people i might be happening to write about.

Why? Because they didn't say i could. Why do these kids currently piss me off? Because she didn't list names, she didn't call people out specifically. She just ranted about the way kids act, and all they did was prove her right.

R.I.P. Bob

Hey out there loyal readers, hey also to first timers, and of course hey to those who wish i was actually writing this blog on a semi-regular schedule so that they could use it to eat up time better spent doing homework, or reading, or sleeping...

I know, the sheer volume of posts which i have written after a period of about a week pledging that there would be no gap that large again is probably one full third of this blog. Why do i write about that so often? Because i am simply sick of bloggers that i love to read keeping their stories from me. Of course i don't want to do this to anyone who actually enjoys reading this (all two of you, i would say three but i don't count...)

It is interesting to think back on this summer. I forget when but i had a time when i wanted to engage in a "tech detox" by which i mean that i would stop for a period of at least a week, if not longer, using my TV, cell phone, computer, and the internet anywhere. If you wanted to reach me you would have had three options, call my house, stop by, or write me a letter. As you all can guess that never really happened.

What you probably could have figured out is that i did engage in something quite similar relatively recently. See sadly my old computer Bob died after three loyal years of service and a little bit beyond. Yes Bob did go in for service on a semi-regular basis. Yes Bob had so many replacement parts that i could argue Bob would have been the laptop equivalent of a person who has basically all their organs replaced by machines. That's right, i had a computer cyborg.

But yes, during the time Bob passed i was reduced to using either my girlfriend's computer or the computers on campus that were even older than Bob. As well during this time i was too busy to really spend a lot of time watching TV. True, i did play some G O Dubs, and my cell phone was often in use.

But during this time it was interesting to note how i could so easily get along without these pieces of technology. I survived the time without my computer and frequent access to the internet. I didn't die, my social life remained alive, I was not suddenly shunned by everyone everywhere. My suggestion is that you consider doing this, if only for two or three days. Most people check their email more than once or twice a day, some studies suggest that people actually check their email about once an hour! Believe me, unless you are a prof, a psychologist, or someone involved with some kind of armed conflict (be it the police, the military, or a standoff with your little sibling) you really don't need to be checking that often.

I encourage trying to just check your email when you get up in the morning and before you go to bed at night. Give yourself 20 minutes to an hour to do all the stuff online you need to do (and consider what is a need and what is a want, 50 facebook quizzes are NOT something you NEED to do, and none of your friends really care that much that your wedding dress type is simple, especially if you are a guy). Check your emails, respond to people, maybe pound out a blog post, then shut it off and live in the real world.

Believe me, the internet isn't going anywhere, but if we all keep spending so much time on it then neither will we.

Final note, with Bob dead he will soon be sold for parts but i have also gotten a new laptop and it needs a name, suggestions please!

A Look at a Dream

Hey kids, how goes it all out there? I am going to write about a movie that for the love of god i hope you all have watched already. If you haven't go see it, NOW! The movie i am talking about is Inception, just in case you hadn't guessed.

Now if you happen to be one of the six people in this country who hasn't seen Inception yet then stop reading right now and go see it. By doing this you make life easier on me and harder on yourself.

Yes you will, why? Cause this movie is gonna fuck with your head. Why? I honestly have no clue, did it fuck with mine the first and only time i saw it? No. I found the movie uncomplicated and kinda simple. I know. Inception. Uncomplicated. WTF right?

It was the first movie i have seen in a long time where i called damn near everything. To be fair that's because normally i expect these movies to be a little more complicated than they actually are so Inception being predicted by me just means that it is more complex than the average movie.

Now why do i think Inception fucks with people's heads more than the average movie? Mainly because of the subject matter. See like the awesome movies of the past it deals with what is real and what is fiction? It begs the question that started oh so long ago with one of my least favorite philosophers Descartes which is how do we know it all isn't a dream?

When it comes down to it there have been many movies that express this idea, one of the first ones i heard of was The Matrix. Another one would be the lesser known but equally awesome movie Waking Life. A truly great example that in a way quite nicely paralleled Inception would be The Nines which stars Ryan Reynolds.

What makes Inception such a great example of this type of movie is that while the overall plot of the movie is great there is no giant jumps in the plot that completely shake things up. Instead each step is logically spelled out while the movie follows the same sort of settings as Jason Bourne movies or the number of different movies which have followed in its "globe trotting, exploding action fest" of different locations.

Inception takes this way of jumping from location to location and gives it a somewhat quasi logic to why it goes from place to place, and presents reasons for why things happen the way they do. At the same time Inception offers complete and total control of an area (the dream) where whatever idea you want to implement is possible. It also opens up the notion of becoming addicted to it (note the people who couldn't dream anymore). Now there are probably more things that it links into, common themes that most people can relate to which is why the movie draws people in so well. The final one of these that comes to my mind is the cliche of the distant father figure and the hope to be reunited.

As well look into where the entire fracking movie takes place. In a dream. Dreams continue to be one of the many mysteries which modern psychology cannot explain in a reasonable enough fashion and so it is like sailing into the Bermuda triangle or traveling to another planet. Anything becomes possible there.

Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing against the rules with using a number of different tools to manipulate the way that people act and think. There is nothing wrong with a movie manipulating your emotions. That's what they are there to do. But at the same time when you sit down and think about Inception, maybe read a little basic psych, you should be able to see most if not all of the twists and turns coming.

People and Booze

So i was having a conversation with a girl i have gotten to know quite well recently and she said something, of which now escapes me, but the substance of it has been beating around the inside of my head kinda demanding for me to write it into a blog post, so for those of you who have missed these rants, enjoy!

See what she said was something about knowing people. Or it was about how people have layers. Or it was about how people are always changing. No! It was about how you can never truly know someone.

Don't you dare start protesting what i am saying! You need to let me finish first then you can comment if your little heart so desires.

Anywho now for me to get all into bartender mode (that's right, i have a bartender mode, its where i become all snobby about drinks).

The only thing that really has held my interest consistently other than writing would be the notion of myself as a bartender. Why? I don't know but i know that at least part of it goes to my conservative side (yes i have one of those two) which loves the putting things in order and each piece belonging to a greater whole. It also appeals to my creative side (yes i know you all know i have one of those) in that i get to mix whatever i have at my disposal and create something new and (hopefully) wonderful. A game i like to play with myself is to sit at a bar with a beer or something equally simple and toy around with what i think would mix well with what other things the bartender has at their disposal. Yes, i am a booze nerd.

But back to writing about Bartender Mode! See one thing that bugs me is mixing a drink with the intention of creating a combination similar to something that you want to have, but then calling it by the same name. Like for example, if it is a layered shot and you mix it all together because that is easier, it doesn't get the same name. If you have to mix two things together to get the same flavor fine, but if it is only close to the same flavor and one of 5 different ingredients you have to do that with it doesn't get the same name. See the snob?

Anywho, despite this i am not a snob when it comes to classic drinks like whiskey (also known as whisky, or Scotch depending where it is made) or wine (i like the cheap stuff!). This is a total lack of appreciation to what most... well i want to say connoisseurs or good drinkers or good bartenders tend to enjoy.

Does that mean i am a bad bartender? Fuck no. It means i lack experience and my liver is still in relatively good shape. Am i on my way to getting there? Well i like beer, and before this summer that was a lie.

Anywho when it comes to all those fancy drinks you think about the interplay of flavors and the complexity of it. To me it just burns, but to me beer was just bland before this summer so who knows what is to come?

I know, i know, you all are sitting there going "but what does this have to do with the beginning?"

Simple, just like i didn't like beer because i hadn't drank enough also reflects the way people treat each other. Often we don't have the tolerance for others that we need to, simply because we haven't spent enough time around them. Or by focusing on one type and getting to know its complexities and no others you might miss out on the subtle differences that you only see by comparing.

In movies and TV shows there is often the bottle of some kind of booze which is saved for a special occasion. How often do we treat our friends like that? Cherishing them and sharing them?

Product Placement, Calling All Wannabe Authors!

Time for a new blog post, after all it is August, and not only that but i have gone home for a couple days which naturally means that the urge to write is something that is nearly devouring my mind. Well the urge to write and a couple other urges... including the urge to bloody well finish a series of books that i started recently when i was killing time in a Chapters in Toronto.

The series of books is called the Night Angel Trilogy (and unlike the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy there are only 3 books). Now i know that sounds like some kind of incredibly cheesy product placement, well that's because it is.

Time for some honesty here without the sarcastic quips. I read quite a lot, but i used to read more. I used to read 2 or 3 books a week, just devour them. The problem being that in reading so many books i developed a taste for them. I decided which ones i would like to read and which i would not. Hardly sounds like a problem, everyone has what they like to read and what they don't, just like they have what they like to eat and they don't.

The problem with gaining such a clear choice on what i liked and what i disliked is that i figured out why i dislike certain things. Due to that dislike i don't read as many books now because i tend to want to savor them and enjoy reading them. I tend to judge other books harsher, and i find less books that i want to read.

This leads to my product placement. Remember how i said i try to savor books? Recently i have been taking weeks to read 300 page books so that i can enjoy every second, and figure out every nuance in the plot. With the Night Angel Trilogy? I am on the third book and it takes me a maximum of three days to finish one of them. Oh, and they are above 700 pages each.

So yes, i am devouring these books at a pace that makes me kind of sad, because they are complex, they are (in my experience so far) unique. And i have never even heard of the author Brent Weeks before. So yes, i am sticking some product placement in here for an author of books that i think are brilliant but i have never heard of before.

And this is my challenge to however many people actually read this blog, tell people you know about books you like, not just the ones like Harry Potter that everyone reads, or War and Peace that scares everyone away and gives you bragging rights. Share the names of authors and books that aren't known that well, and help those writers find their way into the light.

For the comments of this post i would like you all to leaves some names of books that you truly love, books that you can go back and read over and over.

For me those books are:
-The Name of The Wind
-Anything by Mike Gayle
-The Dresden Files series by Jim Butcher
-Anything by Rob Thurman
-The Night Angel Trilogy

Give some of them a try. Next Post? Books that you love but only read once.

Happy One Hundred!

Happy One Hundred Everybody!!! Yes, that's right, at long last i have made it to 100 posts and here it is. Wow... Can't believe i made it this far. For those of you who have read this since i started thanks for sticking around. For those of you just starting i hope you find something you like.

To be honest i wasn't really thinking about the fact that i had finally reached this number, i had planned an idea for this post to be about which actually linked to what started me originally writing a blog. See what really started me writing a long time ago was a hunt for quotes... Well that's the best way i can think of to start it.

See what got me writing was the urge to be a writer and write a book. Two blogs i have read have become books as well, and this is what urged me to start my own. But really i can backtrack from that. I was sitting in the library googleing for quotes and i came across some really cool ones that were said by "The Waiter" and i had no clue who this guy was so i googled him.

That brought me to a blog that i continue to read this day, that is one of my favorite authors of all time, Steve Dublanica, who writes the blog Waiter Rant. This is one of the few blogs where i have backtracked to the beginning and read it from the first to the last.

And that blog links into what i wanted to write about here, which is all about the people who were giving off the bad vibes when i went to that fancy restaurant recently. See the main thing that really struck me was well, i could see the two women who were there with two men. The view i had of them was i could see the one who spoke loud enough for me to hear and i couldn't believe what i could hear her say.

See let me explain why it is, the restaurant is an expensive place meaning that it isn't really the place anyone who doesn't have money to spare goes to (that's one of the reasons i wont be back). Meanwhile this woman was also wearing nice clothes unlike me (cheap t-shirt and shorts, woot for warm weather). In additon to this she was VERY tanned and had quite a few tatoos that i think have been there for QUITE a while.

Anywho, the what was it that she said was that she was talking about the negativity of people using computers or TVs because of the fact that the screens messed with them meanwhile they were doing yoga to ground themselves.

Now let me explain my problem with this, why this bugged me enough to convince me to never go back to the restaurant there, or at least never in a small group (i wouldn't mind being the group which got overheard).

See i support the notions that yoga and meditation and prayer and all the different ways that people seek their spirituality can help to ground themselves. I get that there are different things that work for different people. Meditation is what works for me, prayer and confession don't really work for me. Yoga gets me in touch with with myself and makes me more aware of my body, of my physical self. It is something that i forget about from time to time so it is nice to have a way to reconnect.

Meanwhile i also use my computer to connect to myself by writing out blog posts like this one, i use it to write things like MWBN and other stories. I am going to use it to write an autobiography for one of my classes. It is just a secondary way for me to connect to myself, a way to connect to my mind similar to yoga or running or swimming or jumping rope connects me to my body.

What bugged me was hearing this woman complain about the way that people use computers, being so one sided on the issue. She was so focused on the negative, so completely on one side that she didn't seem open to the ways that computers can really be a wonderful thing. Meanwhile she is someone who has gone through so many different things that could have affected her negatively, she is so tanned that clearly she isn't quite focused on what is good for her body.

Its that one sidedness that i dislike. Its that closed off to the possible good that can occur. That and the hypercritical personality of the woman. There isn't anything wrong with her choice to tan as much as she wants until cancer grows all over her, but she shouldn't criticize someone else for using a computer and that being a part of their life.

Why I Don't Eat Fancy Food

Hi out there, it seems to be a new day that nothing really is going to get done, so while that is happening i figured i would send out a new blog post for y'all.

So one of the things i decided to do for the course of this summer was to try most, if not all, of the restaurants in the downtown of this city. Why would i want to do something like that? Especially considering that i am a cheap student who works only every couple weekends?

Well because over the last year there were a few recommendations of where to eat and those places were the main areas that we all ate at. And the food was good there, really good. But when you decide to take a break from cafeteria food and actually eat something which wasn't as mass produced... well it is nice to get a change, but a change should really be something new.

And that would be why i decided to try all these different places and different foods. I decided to try and find the places that i like going to, the food i like to eat, the restaurants that are good to just sit and relax in.

And so i have been eating at various new places throughout the town, and i have found that for the most part they are great, that their food is in general well made, and that for the most part the recipes exist for a reason. The last place that i tried was a very fancy restaurant. To be honest i am not used to eating at places like it.

I am used to eating at places which are relatively nice, but not places where the cheapest meal is around 16$. The food was great, it was filling. The enviorment was relaxing and comfortable. But i don't think i will be going back, at least not often.

Why? Well other than the fact that the food was too expensive for my taste was that the fact that the place just carried with it a feeling that i didn't belong. Did i feel uncomfortable there? Not really but yes. I know that doesn't make sense, but to me it does.

Could i sit in such a place, eating such fancy food and sipping water (cause everything else was too expensive) from my crystal glass? Sure i could, and i did. Did i feel uncomfortable sitting in a place where there was a blatant negativity following from the only other occupied table there? Yes, i did.

Now what do i mean by that? Well it goes along with something i read recently in another blog post by someone else. The notion that money makes people unhappy is something that frankly i don't find it too surprising.

The people at the other table there were so very... upsetting, they just complained and complained (and yes i realize that is what i am doing now) and i would rather eat in less fancy places with simpler food and be around groups of people who sit there and tell stories to make each other's experience more comfortable.

That is why i don't fit in when i go to fancy places. Because i don't like what they seem to stand for and support. After all, life is too complicated to eat complicated food.

Hidden Happy Feet Message

So its late, and now i am going to write a blog post. Why? Because i feel like it, and i have an idea to write about. The idea i want to talk about comes from the movie Happy Feet, which i saw for the first time recently (and i recommend it btw, i mean dancing penguins? AWESOME!).

The idea that Happy Feet inspired in me to write about something which i read about back in high school. I cannot for the life of me remember what this book was called, all i know is that while it was written in a very very frighteningly popular style which is so incredibly common with modern thrillers, the plot was so unique that 5 years later it still stands out in my mind. Admittedly if you remind me of the basis of nearly any book i have read i can give you a somewhat accurate synopsis but this one i legitimately remember.

(BTW: it is no longer late, it is in fact several days later, in the next week, and i am going to hopefully finish this post tonight...)

The main point of this book was one of a fault in being someone who believes in something fanatically to the point where they then disregard new information in the face of the past belief. Its something i feel passionately about (in case you didn't get that when i said that i started this post several days ago and didn't toss in the 20 or so minutes to quickly type it out, which is probably how long this will take... but now i am giving it my attention!).

Anywho, being so fixated on past knowledge that you refuse to accept new information. Bad thing, very very bad thing. Is it something i can say that i don't do? Something i manage to avoid each and every single time it comes up? No, i can't say that. I can't say that i don't have beliefs that would defy new discoveries. My belief that love exists? That there are things we can't describe. That the entire universe is not quantifiable. These beliefs are the ones i don't think can be shaken, by anyone.

Then there come the beliefs that form up what i guess would be called "my religion", the belief that everything is one, that life has no grand larger meaning, that if there is a "God" it doesn't give a damn if you do or don't have sex. Things like that form up beliefs that i doubt would be changed by anyone saying something to me.

So what was this book about? This book that deals with people not accepting new knowledge? To say i can remember the entire plot in enough detail to explain it would be a lie. But the bare bones? Those i can give you.

The storyline follows a man and a woman (to provide them with romance of course) as they start investigating a... well the terms that come to mind are prophet or cult. This cult surrounded a young woman in Europe during the middle ages. The evidence comes out over and over again that this young woman was born to a virgin, preformed miracles, and there was evidence that she preformed many of the same miracles that Jesus was thought to preform.

Basically what it comes down to is that she was the second coming of God, first as a man in Jesus, then as a woman, showing that they are two parts of the same thing. The symmetry with the author's writing was so cool. But what happened? Due to the time when this woman who was the second coming was alive she was persecuted and killed on a cross.

Because of the actions of the past the church also refused to admit its mistake in the modern times which lead to the conflict in the book. It is the similar idea which i then saw expressed in Happy Feet.

The man character is so different from the past, different from the "religion" of the penguins which is a song. He begins dancing, expressing himself in a new way which is suddenly so unacceptable to the older penguins. In their refusal to accept him, accept the knowledge that he brings they shut themselves off to it and to possible solutions to the problems filling their world.

So i guess that is kinda my problems with big giant organizations, the reason i like to stick with the smaller places. There is the same information, but there you lack the clout to get away with ignoring it. Keep your eyes open, see what is actually there, and go watch Happy Feet.

Rule 4: Talk to Those who Matter About What Matters

So in case you can't tell i am still trying to work through the massive list of ideas that i sent myself, and keep sending myself. I have to admit i love always having an idea to work with but i kinda miss the whole complete free fall blog. But oh well, i guess i will have to find a way to work around that. I mean i don't really want to write about a pre-picked topic but i also kind of really want to.

But anywho, onto today's topic to write about, relationships and "the talk". Why did this occur to me to think about? Could be that i have strong opinions on it? Could it be that a bunch of thoughts were bouncing around in my head about it a while ago and it made me want to write about it?

Well i have to say that while those things seem to be true, the most likely reason that i had the thought to write about relationships and "the talk" is because of the fact that i have been watching the show Scrubs like the crazy addict i am.

Yes, i know, it sometimes makes it seem like a soap opera and sometimes seems like a comedy but for me it reflects a lot more of what life is really like. Well perhaps not life... but it goes along with a lot of my views.

Anywho the main idea here is about relationships. Something i have been thinking about is relationships. I have been a person that people talk to about their relationships for a long time and want to know the dirty little secret i have been taught from all of them? That the more people tend to worry about how their relationships are going to work or not the more that they tend to lie or hide who they are.

See that is a massive problem, i mean if you truly want to be with a person, truly have a lasting relationship with them then you need to be honest with yourself and with them.

The other part i know is going to sound odd for me advocating but oh well, what i am talking about here is selfishness & compromise. Namely you need to be selfish a bit in your relationship, you need to realize the things that you can't change, the things you need, and what it is that is too much for you. You need to decide what it is that you wont give up about yourself for someone else.

The compromise comes in from the same thought process, you need to realize what things are not more important to you than your relationship. These are the parts of yourself that you don't consider more important than getting it to work. Its these things that when it comes down to it you need to be willing to let go rather than continue to fight over.

When it comes down to it, these things are what "the talk" is all about. They are about you talking (shocker, i know) to the other person about what you mean to them, about being honest about what they mean to you, and about your life in general. It pisses me off that there is this whole image of an honest relationship being something so scary.

There is a line in season 4 of Scrubs (yes, i know, you want the connection to Scrubs to be over with already!) in which one of the older characters says to two of the younger characters "Anything in life worth having doesn't come easy, you have to work for it" or something to that affect. The right relationship with the right person, does that sound like something worth having?

And if telling the truth, learning about what really matters, and letting a few fights go is the hardest work you have to do, is it really that bad? Speaking as a writer, and as someone who tries to be honest all the time, let me tell you, lies are more work than the truth.

Going Barefoot From the Neck Down

So what am i going to blog about today? Well there is an idea that occurred to me a few weeks ago. It is something that seems simple on the surface so i don't know how well it will translate into this blog here where i try to burrow in beneath the surface and look at why.

But anywho, this idea occurred to me after playing beach volleyball before my statistics class and then it started to rain. See i got sand stuck all over my feet, and sand in between your feet and your sandals... lets just say it isn't the most pleasant situation. When the rain interrupted the game i went into the library to just sit and read for a while, i figured, ah what the hell, get something useful done.

Then, about ten minutes before my class was about to start i decided to walk over. The downpour of course had stopped, but i noticed the puddles on the ground and decided to wander through them barefoot. Yes, i know, i am an adult, i am in university, i am trying to be a writer. The image of me skipping through puddles doesn't seem to fit with all of that.

Thats the point i am driving at here in this post. What is wrong with skipping around barefoot enjoying the feeling of the warm puddles and the cool pavement? Yes, i have been seen several times by completely random strangers skipping through the city this summer.

What can i say? When something gets me into a good mood i like to express it and share it with those around me.

Now for my second point. Who has seen the movie Fern Gully? Brilliant movie, if you haven't seen it good luck finding it to watch anywhere other than YouTube. I know that i had to search for it for a while before getting a copy on DVD.

Anywho, basic plot of the movie is avatar minus the explosions... oh and it came first. So we have humans destroying an environment except that the fairies, yes the movie is about faeries, don't realize this is what people are doing until quite close to the end. After the main character becomes friends with a human. What does this have to do with me skipping when i am happy and walking barefoot through puddles you may ask?

Well the point is that at a point in the story the human carves a name into a tree, and the fair asks him if he can feel the tree's pain. At this point another main character (who is voiced by Robbin Williams, if my endorsement of this movie wasn't enough for you) says this line "humans can't feel pain, they're numb from the neck down".

That is my point, we live in a society which tends to focus in two ways. That your head, your rational logical mind, is the most important part, except in a couple places, in the bedroom and during some kind of sporting event your body becomes important. Outside of those two areas it doesn't really matter what you feel, it only matters what you think. It doesn't matter how in touch with your body you are.

That is wrong. There is no shade of gray here, not really. That is simply wrong, to ignore a portion of yourself because you are told to. To block out important information because it is convention to do so? Wrong.

Here is my challenge for you over the next week. Walk barefoot a bit, see how things feel beneath your feet. And notice where you would spend all your time if you didn't have shoes and socks (or sandals).

Rule 3: Remeber to Work at Being Friends

Its late at night, so late that it is early. True i have been going to bed around 4 am lately, but 1:41 still counts as so late that it is early right? Ah well, even if it doesn't you can't object till i publish this post, so for now it counts, AHAHAHAHAHA! Ahem, now that the evil laughter is out of the way i can continue with the writing.

So i decided tonight on my drive home (home from where you may ask, though my response will be for the story here it doesn't matter so quit reading the writing inside the brackets and just listen) i decided that there is a post i kinda need to write and, shockingly, post.

See there is this idea that has been kicking around my head for a few months now. Have you ever watched the TV show Supernatural? (i promise there is a point, i am not just trying to get all the fan-girls excited) Well if you have watched it enough to be able to remember the evil creature which eats your soul after mimicking the voice of your loved one who died recently over the phone (yes that all needs to be included together, sorry for the spoiler) then you remember that it talks about how it used to go hungry for so long because it couldn't draw people away from their communities.

Its point was that back in those unenlightened times when people lived in straw huts without central air and bananas flow in, before they got to enjoy Twinkies and Oreos, before ipods and other such things. Back when farming was the norm (yes i enjoy pointing out new things a little too much, but oh well). Way back then, people were closer than we are now. And because of this, because of this sense of community people didn't tend to fall prey to this creature as often as he would have liked.

I know, i know, this doesn't seem to make a lot of sense, i mean is it a cynic like me who blogs on a somewhat out of date computer calling for us all to forsake technology and return to living in the un-air-conditioned huts? Hell to the no!

If i could get air-conditioning for my house right now i would. I love my tech.

Rather, my point comes after spending 8 months living in a one room place in a building with i don't know how many other people. It comes after becoming really close with one group of people, and kinda close with a lot of others (and for some reason my f button isn't working well, so if it is missing from a word, that is why and don't mock me too much).

It comes to me after taking an ASIST course. It comes from being a little obsessed with psych, it comes from being a listening and doing anything in my power to help people out if they ask for it and i can. But honestly, what it comes from most of all (and if you thought of How the Grinch Stole Christmas when you read that line you weren't alone) is moving into my own house before any of the roommates that i want to live with moved in.

See we were a close knit community last year, and this up coming year i dunno if we will be. I don't know how much time i will spend with the people i used to spend damn near every night getting my ass kicked in pool by. I don't know how often we will be able to pull all nighters and watch movies till breakfast opens. (Though personally, i am thinking that this year breakfast should be at Wimpy's)

But what i do know is this, i know over the course of this year, not to mention all the years after it, that i am going to need other people, and like it or not at least some of you are going to need/want me to be around. I know that even if we can't spend every single night together hanging out we can still be there when it counts. And i know that if we really, truly are good friends, then when it comes down too it, we wont let the little things drive us apart forever (though if any of my roomies steal too much of my tea they better be prepared to buy me some new stuff!)

So what i am proposing here is a kind of openness. Its a kind of openess i am planning to mirror in my blog. I am not going to share every little detail with you, you don't need to know the color of my boxers, or what happens on a date. But the choices i make, the places i go, things i think are important about me, those i will share. And if you are a friend of mine i hope you listen and when you need to, i hope you do the same.

Art for Writing's Sake

So i have been thinking about writing a lot lately if you can't tell. As such one of the things i have been thinking about is criticism and editing. See i haven't written a lot of things, a few sure, but compared to "real" writers i am nothing but a flash in the pan so far, just a brief beginning of my writing experience. I mean compared to some writers i might as well have only written this paragraph so far. There is still so much left to develop in my own style and choice in writing.

So thinking about this and really, about art in general cause even though my paintings and pictures suck i love em, even though i can't play music i am passionate about it, and even though at times my singing is epically bad i still do it. Why? Because i have an "artistic soul" some might say, because i love expression others might say. My reply? Because i do.

I don't know why, i can't really explain why. I love understanding and knowledge and expression. If that makes my soul artistic than fine, if i love expression that's fine to. Personally what know it is that it doesn't matter why, what matters is that i do.

And i know people who consider themselves artists, consider themselves writers, and they see this as a grand expression. Art is seen as some kind of connection to the divine, as if in creating the artist is becoming more than themselves, becoming something greater. And to be honest now i disagree with this thought.

It might be because of the fact that i am currently trying to read the bible from cover to cover (only 730 pages in mine but still hard to force yourself to do) or because i have just finished reading a book about encounters with famous and brilliant authors who offered great works to the world. Artists are no different than regular people. To paraphrase a line from the movie Julie and Julia so that the meaning comes through a little easier, she wasn't always famous, she wasn't born a great chef.

Have you ever met those people who create art for "art's sake" and then get upset when someone criticizes it? If it truly is art for art's sake then it doesn't matter if someone doesn't get it, it doesn't matter what someone thinks of it, because in the creating its purpose is served. This blog is my art for art's sake, but not completely. My journal, that private space, is my writing for writing's sake, the paintings i create and don't bother to show people are examples of art for art's sake.

I don't care if you don't like them, i do. That is what art for art's sake means. The moment you intend to let someone judge your work and that opinion matters enough for you to argue it is not longer simply being created "for the art", it has become for the people. And like all public works it is offered up to all the cynics out there to tear down.

Does it make your work less valid? Less special? Fuck no. Your work is as special as the effort you put into it. If you lock yourself in a shed for 8 months working on a novel, a painting, a song, and then come out of your seclusion only to find someone else has already made it, it doesn't make it any less of yours unless you were trying to copy their work.

Y'all know i am attempting to write a novel (and so far seem to be failing because i simply don't sit down and write it) and that i have edited my work thus far a little bit. What you don't know is that there is a friend of mine who is the best and worst editor in the world. Best in that her editing doesn't pull any punches because you are a friend, and the worst for the same reason.

Am i letting her edit my stuff yet? No, not yet. Yes i have posted it here for anyone who wants to, to read it and judge it. Yes you can comment all you want about it and most likely i will let said comments go up. But no, i probably wont make changes on anything you say as of yet (unless you find a REALLY obvious mistake, like putting hedgehog instead of duck). Why? Because though some day i dream of publishing this story that is cooking inside my head, right now it is still a work for me.

One day it wont be, one day i will be a little less selfish and let other people help me shape it. But not yet, for now it is still mine.

Happy Happy Un-Birthday

So one of the many many many ideas that floated through my head to write about but i didn't get the time to do so until now is a simple one, one that people in most places where they can read thing would be able to appropriate and have some sort of opinion on (even if it is the kind of opinion that has no thought or focus). And that subject, the subject that i am going to expound upon right now is the subject of birthdays.

Yes, i am going to try and write about birthdays, despite the fact that mine is months away. Why do i feel like writing about birthdays and all that they entail? I have no clue, except that they seem to be popping up in conversation again and again. So here i go. Writing about birthdays... what really is there to say?

Well for starters, everyone has one, if you don't then... well frankly i am quite concerned, but also quite curious so please explain... Anyways birthdays, well what happens at birthdays? Parties, that's what!

Depending on the person depends on the type of party. If your someone who wants to get drunk, and go around pulling stupid stunts then you can do so, if you want to spend a night in a jazz bar quietly sipping on some fine wine you can. For that matter if you want to go sky diving that also is allowed.

People gather together and celebrate that X number of years ago you came crying and screaming into the world if you were lucky. And we celebrate that you survived another year and aged another year and get to start a whole new year. There are as many different ways to spend that day as there are people who have them.

And that brings me to the idea of how would i like to spend my birthday. My birthday is located at the start of the school year, and as i am someone who spent a lot of their life without making friends with a bunch of people that quickly and as such my birthday has been something more in line of quiet contemplation of the past year and looking forward to the new year.

It gives me a different perspective on it, and thinking about this up coming year, thinking about my birthday in a few months and wondering with the number of people i know now how would i really like to spend it? Just the other night driving home i felt a... kind of pulse in the city, an urge to go out to a bar and have some fun.

Would i want to do that? I have had fun with a lot of different people in bars and parties over the past 2 years. I have had a lot of fun, expanded who i am, so is that something i would want to do for my own? No. Not at all.

Rather i want to spend a simple night at my house, maybe have a beer or two, write some, and enjoy not doing anything more than simply feeling comfortable in my skin. The night before or the night after, the weekend that is closest, sure. But that day? I would much rather simply relax and write as much as i could before it became distasteful.

Side note: MWBN (my wanna-be novel), i have set 2 deadlines for it. By August 29th i want to have the first 5 chapters done, and by October 31st have 6-10 done.

Friends, Acquaintances, What is the Dif?

Second post of the day. Why am i posting twice in one day you may ask? Well it could be because i am so opinionated that i never run out of things to talk about because, like the Dr., if there is one thing i can do, it is talk. It could be because i missed blogging the past couple days because of a hectic yet awesome spin my life took. It could be because i am obsessed with writing and i feel the need to create something even if it is just a blog post. Or it simply could be cause i feel like it. Personally i vote for all of the above.

But back to the post! What, pray do tell, am i going to talk about this evening when i feel like the Wicked Witch of the West after a bath? (Cause it is so hot i am melting! ha ha ha... wow that was bad) but yes it is hot here, and sadly though my house is awesome and wonderful and kinda smells of cat... it has no AC, and with no AC comes a very sad me, who avoids moving as much as physically possible.

So what have i done instead? Well i actually just finished writing an email to an old friend of mine who i didn't write or talk to at all during the past year and realized that i really regretted that so i am hoping it isn't to late to repair our friendship. See that is what i actually want to talk about.

Friendship, what is it that makes someone your friend? I know that before this past year my number of people i actually considered friends was quite small. The reason for this is that i tend to be really... well non-trusting, and there were not a lot of people that felt real enough to me that i could consider them friends. They were people i would spend time with, occasionally exchange a story or two that we found funny, but would i ask them advice? Tell them about a serious problem?

Not on your life! See i didn't want to trust people who i didn't feel desurved it, and so i have friends, aquantances, and people who i would nod/say "hi, whats up?" to, but they wouldn't count amongst my friends.

Now this sounds kind of heartless and mean and makes me seem kinda like i jerk, or at least so i have been told (personally i think it makes sense, otherwise why would i do so?). In getting to know one person recently i became just how aware of how little a lot of people know about me.

And do you know what? I count that as a good thing.

Namely, you ask me a question, i answer, you have a conversation that is involved with me i will tell you stories. I can explain to anyone what makes me who i am. I have a few things i wont share, a few things that are too personal, but for the most part what has made me who i am is something i am comfortable telling anyone.

The thing i have noticed is that the people who i consider friends now are those who either don't bother with my past as something important or actually ask until they know a fair amount about it.

I love both these groups of people, they are the ones i want around me. The rest of you? If you don't take the time to know my past or appropriate my present why would i enjoy either of yours?

First and Last Like This

OK, so do y'all remember how i keep talking about how nice of a city i live in and how there are paths and trails everywhere and people can enjoy them if they were to just take the time? Well if you don't, i am living in a beautiful city where there is a lot of wonderful views if you take the time to enjoy them.

Yesterday i decided to go for a bike ride to get some cardio, and while on the trip i took out my camera and snapped some pictures of the areas, admittedly i am not anywhere close to the world's best photographer. If you want to see better pictures go check out the Outside In because that author knows how to take a good picture. Oh, and for those people who might want to steal such a picture and use it for their own project, anything posted on a blog is the legal property of those who posted it (meaning that if you use them for that the original creator can sue your ass, and for that matter the rest of you).

So here is my photo journey:

This picture is from the bike path that runs over the river. You don't have to deal with cars or loud noises, instead you can smell the water and take a look at the nature all around you.

This is actually an example of a heron you can see off the edge of the bridge fishing in the shallows, but if you don't stop and take the time to look you will miss it.

This is a view from the second bridge that i used to cross back over to the other side of the water. It is actually such a cool place though there is always a lot of traffic. Really though each time i go over it, whether driving or biking, i always enjoy it.







This final picture is the spot where i sat and wrote for about an hour because it is so peaceful and close to the water. I suppose that it is the flipside of people not going outside too often that i get to enjoy this place. It is located in a public park that had under 10 people in it the entire time i was there, including myself. The thought i want to leave you with is that how many places exist near your home that you can go spend time in this summer and relax? Go find out! (P.S. i know the pictures have messed with the layout but i don't think i will be making a post like this again any time soon...)

New Words, New Lessons

So as you know if you have read this blog before, i am currently taking summer courses. If you are new to my blog, Welcome! and i am taking summer courses at my university. Why am i doing something as completely and utterly ludicrous as taking classes during my summer months rather than relaxing and sleeping in till 12? Well because A) i am a giant nerd and love my classes, and B) i can use the OSAP money to pay my rent so that i can move out without having to work and finally C) because in my house i get to spend most of my time relaxing and sleeping in till 12.

The next question is what courses is it that i am taking? Well see, first you have to know what kind of degree i am taking. I affectionately refer to it as my "psychotic degree that is absolutely good for nothing", see this degree is a joint major with psychology and philosophy, that carries with it a minor in indigenous studies.

Third question of the day should generally be WTF, and why? Simply put, i love philosophy. Something you should know if you have read even one of my posts before. If you haven't, i love philosophy. Also though this year i discovered my love for psych, which oddly enough was around long before my love of philosophy, i just forgot about it.

However something else i learned this year was that i hate a lot of western philosophy, and i think that getting simply a philosophy degree, besides from being useless in the practical world, is really biased towards one way of thinking. So i decided to take indigenous studies to balance out philosophy. As such, the classes i am taking this summer are Stats 2016 & 2017 which i need in order to get my psych major, and INDG 1000 to try it out and make sure it is something that i actually want to continue in.

Anyway, while stats is boring to the point that i text people informing them that i am dying and begging them to save me, indigenous studies is actually a lot of fun. Despite the fact that it is bright an early, starting at 9 am, when i manage to make it i love it. And i love the naps when i pass out in the middle of the lectures... (yes, i truly am not a morning person in the slightest)

Anywho, let me tell what it is that i love about this class. Its that the languages become part of the lecture which are completely unrelated to English, which is great. Yes, i love English, it is a wonderful language which is why i write and write and write, its why i want to be a writer, a novelist, i want to travel the world and explore different areas. I want to create my own worlds and societies with words so that other people can see in their minds.

But i digress, back to my point of learning bits and pieces of languages which are not related to English gives totally new expressions of thoughts and experiences which cannot be expressed in this language. It is in these totally new words that i am reminded of an old Zen is Stupid podcast (yes, you should go listen to all of them) that talks about words from other languages which express thoughts and ideas foreign to the English language that enrich their lives.

Thats why my task for all of you who are not currently engaged into some kind of learning a new task or skill for the summer should take some time to learn a few words in a new language, one not related to what you naturally speak.

Rule 2: Remember What Made You You

OK, you're reading my blog, right? If you aren't reading it than you are not processing what this is saying and as such really i should probably stop talking to you because your basically ignoring me.

Anywho, you're reading my blog right? Well assuming you are reading it because you like what i have to say and not because you enjoy sitting there and noticing the many, many flaws in my writing style and spelling and grammar and such, then you need to stop reading this, and go watch the TV show Scrubs, from season 1 to season 8, and you damn well better start at the beginning.

See, sitting around lately i have grown sick of watching new TV shows, like ReGenesis and Better Off Ted and missed the sort of relationship i had with all my old favorite shows, like Scrubs, Boston Legal, and Californication. These shows are the things that i got addicted to back near the end of my high school experience (and by near the end i of course am referencing from grade 11 to when i left).

See, that was around the time i started making my own moral code. It isn't anything i ever really wrote down or tried to make into rules... Correction, that is a lie, i have tried to make them into a list of rules and it didn't really work. So i have left it as an unwritten rule of how to lead my life. Rather than try to quantify it i let it flow and remember that by acting in any way i am deciding to become the kind of person who would choose to act in that way.

The main core of this belief system for me has been to be true to who you are, be true to your emotions and beliefs. Don't let your emotions rule you but don't deem them as something that isn't true either. It is a belief in almost radical honesty, where lying is something done only as a last resort and only to protect something truly important. I can only recall two moments in the last year when i lied, both to protect someone from where honesty would have hurt them more.

Actually no, one truth would have hurt the person more, the other was a risk that i didn't want to take.

Anyways, back to what i was attempting to talk about, Scrubs. See, if you have never watched Scrubs before then read this paragraph, if you have, well read it for a refresher! See Scrubs is the story of a young man just starting his career as a doctor, and follows him through to his becoming a very good doctor. The name of this doctor is named John Dorian and is referred to as J.D. He is a very introspective person and as such the episodes generally follow him or someone else as they learn a lesson throughout it, and then these stories are tied together at the end during a voice over preformed by Zack Braff who plays J.D.

Anywho, the reason i tell you all to go and watch Scrubs rather than bother to read this post (which you obviously didn't listen to if you made it this far, good for you!) is because of the fact that Scrubs, being such a part of what made me who i am is that it is still true today. And really that brings me to the main point.

See i have a few things that fit with who i am so closely, things that helped me develop my moral code that i have to take some time to refresh myself on around once a year or so. And in doing so i realized that there was some advice offered right near the end of the year that i should have listened to, some advice that was basically a restating of what i believed, but i didn't notice.

The point is, if you get a chance to, then refresh yourself on what made you who you were, whether it was a place, a book, a movie, or even a conversation with an old friend.

Lets Take Some Time on the Trail...

So it is summer time here, in case you didn't know. And what does that mean you may ask? Why does it matter that the summer is here?

For starters, it is warm. No, sorry, that's a lie. It is HOT! I mean most days above 25 degrees Celsius is hot. Anywho, what does the temperature have to do with a blog post? Well i could talk about how the temp has been rising for a while, and how it keeps going up due to people's actions.

But actually that is a side note to what i am writing here, kinda the hidden message, the words behind the words. See, i am taking summer courses, just encase you have forgotten. And something i have started doing is biking from my house to class on campus. That is about... well i dunno, but i do know that it is above 8 kilometers there and back.

Yes, i am attempting to exercise and be healthy. And it helps that i live in a relatively beautiful city, true my area is not exactly the nicest part of said city, but i get to bike through the nicer areas on a long bike trail which runs up to the university along the river. There is a lot of forested area and un.... well i don't know what exactly to call it but basically- UNMAINTAINED!!! sorry but i realized the perfect word to use until that moment.

Ahem... Now so many of the areas are unmaintained (hee hee) meaning that weeds, plants, and wild flowers grow alongside weeds, vines, and trees. And it creates this beautiful chaos that really is hard to find inside the rest of the city. It creates these places where animals can scamper around without people bugging them.

On my trips up to the university i have seen rabbits, robins, crows, herons, among others. I actually see milkweed which is wonderful because the decline in monarch butterflys which makes me really sad. OK, let me explain that.

My favorite butterfly is the monarch, why? i dunno but i have always loved them since i was tiny. (and yes i once was tiny!) Anywho, due to milkweed being considered, well, a weed, people kill it, pull from their gardens. Farmers spray and remove it. And because that is the only thing that the caterpillars which turn into butterflys.

But anywho, back to the story, so i bike back and fourth and see all these things and notice that people the entire route are simply looking at the black asphalt in front of them, looking at the ground, or the horizon. They aren't smiling, they aren't enjoying their journey because they are so fixated on getting to the end.

And i guess being in university has also pointed out to me that so many people are rushing to the end of their degree, rushing to finish without taking the time to enjoy the classes, enjoy talking to their profs, and enjoy learning. I mean does anyone else remember being a kid and loving learning or am i the only one that nerdy?

And if i am, i suggest you all give it a try. Focus more on the learning and less on the pride, more on the journey and less on the destination. And when all else fails, pull over and ask for directions, you never know who you are gonna meet.

The Earth, did Quakeith

I live in Ontario. Shocking, i know, but believe me this is in fact going somewhere. See, Ontario had the fun of enjoying part of that great big earthquake a little while ago. Even more shocking is probably the fact that i know the earthquake affected a large area, but... well, i was talking to people online at the time and they told me.

See a conversation i had today with my big sister informed me of a lot of junk going on in Toronto that i didn't know about, in fact before yesterday i had no clue what G20 was, or why everyone was making a big deal about it and kept forgetting to ask people.

See something i refuse to do is to watch or read the news. I did try to watch them for a while, become a more knowledgeable person, more well rounded, more informed. Yes, i did fail epically, though part of it was was how hard it was at the time for me to manage to get ahold of said news, via papers which i would had to pay for (i was unemployed at the time), the internet (i had dial up), or TV (i had an antenna, meaning 6 o'clock or none, and that was when the Simpsons was on!).

Anywho, altering this idea was something that came to me from the wonderful people over at Zen is Stupid, i forget which episode it was, part of the problem of listening to them all. Anyways it was a story about a woman who didn't have a TV or a computer, she didn't listen to the radio or read the newspaper. The reason she offered behind this is that the news tends to present such a biased point of view where the negative is expanded because people read it more. Rather if anything important happens someone will hopefully tell her, so since i heard of this i have avoided the news to avoid bringing extra negativity into my life.

Anywho, off of the gigantic tangent and back to my main point, there was an earthquake that shook a lot of the world including the area that i live in. Friends of mine near and far felt it as well, to me it was a little fun because of the way it shook, though no serious damage took place.

(part of what happened after is due to this video which i watched the day before, go ahead and enjoy it)

Before the earthquake took place i was wasting time watching videos on my computer, not really accomplishing very much. After the earthquake i continued to do so for a little while then buckled down and finished an essay for one of my classes in less than an hour. Why? Well i always say to people that i already have my suite in hell picked out, but frankly i really don't want to end up there because i was putting off an essay.

See, it put me in mind of the 7 deadly sins, which are (according to wikipedia): Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride. Part of the reason they leapt to mind so quickly is that i am attempting to read the bible cover to cover for the... well i dunno how many times in my life.

Anyways the thing that keeps coming to mind as i read it is that while i disagree with a lot of it, and most of the rest is totally pointless (do i really need to know all the names of the kids that some dead guy had with his two wives?) but in and amongst the rest is actually some gems of wisdom such as these sins. Yes, i embrace the Seven as WISDOM! and yes i know that includes lust, i still think that they make sense as bad things.

See, each of these things i don't really think is bad on their own, but just like being aware and focused on your life can be a bad thing so can each of these. Being consumed by lust so that you disregard those things that happen to everyone around you, being so prideful that you cannot accept when you are wrong, being so consumed by envy that you cannot enjoy the good things that happen to those around you. These are all terrible things to do, so see that wisdom there.

But by the same token taking a day to yourself does not mean that you are falling to sloth, rather it means you are in balance. I don't think people should let themselves fall too deeply into any of these but i do think that each of these things should have at least a small presence in your life. Lust is usually a part of a healthy relationship. Pride in your work tends to make sure you do a good job. Envy lets you know what you want.

Just remember that these things are similar to a campfire, they consume, give them too much and they will light the forest and burn you up.

How You See It

Tonight i want to type about world views. It is something i have been thinking about since i was reading a few blog posts about depression and how people deal with it as well as other emotions. You can probably tell that emotions in general have been on my mind lately as well. About how they affect writing and choices, about how people choose to deal with them and how i deal with them.

And in thinking about this, combined with my uber lack of sleep lead to me thinking about how the emotions a person experiences in a given moment can take one of three paths (yes, that's right, i avoided writing one of two paths). Those three different paths are joyful passion, painful passion, and indifference.

As it is said in this quote quite effectively:

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."
-Elie Wiesel

With each thing that life gives you can react passionately, burn in the moment like a fire, react together like... hmmm gunpowder and a flame, gas and a match, baking soda and vinegar.

When you react to it you can react positively and enjoy it just like fireworks or negatively like a bullet from a gun. See, each way is possible, both are easy to start but the more you do the easier one path goes.

To react with indifference is different. It means that simply put, something doesn't matter, no food on the table, doesn't matter, failed a lab for your class, doesn't matter. Your favorite TV show gets canceled because all the actors, writers, and staff dies in a plan crash? Doesn't matter, that's what it means to react with indifference. Yes, i know, this sounds like something that would only happen with a drug user or alcoholic... or possibly someone who is a sociopath.

Yet that is another possible action, and just like both the routes of passion with more use it grows. Now i am going to yank psychology into this, see the more you think about something or think in a certain way the more brain cells in that area you use, the more they become wired together and the easier it becomes to think like that or think that way again.

So the more you focus on that negative passion that a situation creates in you the strong it becomes, the stronger that structure of your brain becomes. But if there is one thing i have learned through all my psych classes and extra readings that i do for fun is that the brain is not carved from stone. Rather it is made from an ever changing structure that alters the more you think. (my current psych interest goes along with the changing in brain structure due meditation)

That means that you can alter the way that your thoughts travel. You can change it though it is hard, and not hard like lifting a heavy weight, but hard like running a marathon. You can do it, but it wont be easy, however speaking from the view of someone who enjoys more good passion than indifference and more indifference than bad.