On the subject of an Education

Hey so here is one of those random posts i promised to toss out here once every so often. Why am i writing this? Well a blog i follow brought something to my attention which i want to write about. The link to the news article is http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_16029/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=pmVmhDzd go check it out for the article that gives the bare bones facts (or at least i thought it did, but i am biased)

The best way to basically sum it up is that this teacher got sick and tired of the way her students behaved and so she wrote rants on her blog online, which she maintained anonymously. Somehow some of her students figured out that she was writing about them and complained to the school (kinda funny considering one of her main problems with them was that they were whiny...)

Anywho, because grade 10-12 students are so fragile and need to be shielded from every single bit of criticism she was suspended from her job without pay and might be fired. She is meanwhile preparing to sue to keep her job because she was exercising her right to free speech (or so her lawyer plans to argue)

Now this becomes an issue for me because i obviously don't really make much of an effort to hide who i am. My profile picture is really me, i like my blog to my twitter which links to my tumblr which links to my facebook. They all are connected, all attempting to promote my viewpoint and more importantly my writing.

That being said my issue with what is occurring to this teacher is that, at least from what i have gathered, she DIDN'T try and get noticed by anyone. She was using blogs for what i still occasionally do, she has been writing an online journal instead of a pen and paper one. Why?

I don't know, and frankly it is none of my business. But for some reason people seem determined to unmask every single anonymous person who writes things online that are controversial. And lets be honest, the best writing is all about controversy.

I know that the blogs Waiter Rant(who apparently is down today meaning i can't link to him), Girl with a one track mind, and Opinionistas were all blogs that i followed, and all wrote about things that might get the fired or shunned. Each and every one of them suffered someone trying to find out who they are (and in at least one case succeeding)

The problem here is that the internet is a place where if you want you are supposed to be able to go out and say whatever you want into it, and if you want you don't need to attach your name. I don't put any names into my posts, be it the name of my school or people i might be happening to write about.

Why? Because they didn't say i could. Why do these kids currently piss me off? Because she didn't list names, she didn't call people out specifically. She just ranted about the way kids act, and all they did was prove her right.

A and B

So i haven't exactly written a blog post in a while but i feel like writing this one today. Why? i need to vent, just a little bit. And you, are my imaginary audience who get to sit and listen. Which means that i am not a crazy person sitting in my room talking to myself.

See what i need to talk to you about isn't so much a need as an explanation... See over the past while i have been experiencing a personality change. Except that i haven't been.

I don't believe that there is anything someone does that wasn't already in them. Basically let me explain it like this, depending on the given situation there are a certain number of possible reactions that someone could make.

So that's why i say i have experienced a personality change but not really... because given the situations i have flowed myself into i have changed from who i was last year, becoming, for a little while at least, less of a slacker.

See, for a long ass time i wanted to be that brilliant kid who knows absolutely everything. I was that kid for a while in a couple of subjects for a little while, things i studied outside of school like psychology or animals waaaaaaaaay back in grade school.

Anywho this past summer i was taking a few courses and got ahead of people and started thinking about the future and being a good student and knowing EVERYTHING which, as i just said, has always been something i wanted to do.

So i started this school year with these kind of goals in the back of my mind and suddenly i started doing all of my assignments and my readings. Work started getting done way in advance.

But my marks stayed the same as they were last year. And my stress levels skyrocketed. To be honest they are still way higher than they ever were last year (and last year i failed a course...). Simply put i was slipping into a type A personality, and it took some very important people to point this out to me (you all know who you are).

So here i am, ranting about what i was turning into, and what i hope to stop turning into. I know i don't really have a right to ask for any more, but to the people in my life i ask for your patience. Its gonna be tricky, but hopefully i can get to a balanced point between the two very different people i was.

Wish me luck!

Depressing or Boring or Both?

What am i doing right now? Being a moron, that is what... Why, you may ask (assuming you are kind/curious enough) are you being a moron?

Well, my answer would be, because i finally have a topic for my Philosophy of Religion essay (or as it shall hencforth be known, Phil of R) and i am not writing it, despite the fact that it is actually the next assignment i have due that isn't complete... Nor am i using my time to study for Social Psychology or write my Philosophy of Art paper (it will not be known as Phil of A, it is too evil for a new nickname...).

Why am i dragging out this bloody essay for so long? I don't know. I have been asking myself the same question all week. I did the first assignment in about an hour because i was focused and didn't let myself get distracted by books or blogs or TV or anything.

But somehow this essay keeps me from tackling and i find myself doing other tasks. I have narrowed down the topic for my Philosophy of Art paper. I did a bonus Social Psych assignment. I read extra stuff, i looked up articles for another paper, hunted for more info on the assignment i had already finished!

But this paper, it needs to be done. I set aside today and tomorrow for its removal. Other assignments i have lumped into doing in a single day, or in the case of quite a few of them, doing them all in one day.

Why is this essay such a colossal pain in my keister (yes i used Google to find out how to spell that)? I could use the excuse of Nietzsche,(btw check out that mustache, EPIC) because he is a pain in the ass. He is depressing and frustrating to read because, like most philosophers, he doesn't appear to just come out and say what he needs to say. Instead he jumps around using these gigantic words that tire me out as i read him. I could say that i find his writing depressing and it bugs me to read so i have been trying to avoid him.

I could say those things because they are true. At the same time a perverse part of me actually enjoys reading him once every so often, for the very same reason i enjoyed reading Hume last year. He points out things which i found to be glaringly obvious before. Yes, i know, i sound full of it, and it may just be the way that i read these two, or it could be because i am lucky enough to come from a society whose education system managed to do a decent job and i noticed these things. Or i could pass credit to my family who raised me to be a skeptic and a critic (just ask people who come ask me for advice).

But none of this really explains why rather than just writing the essay and relieving myself of this build up of negative energy i am writing a blog post about it. I would bet that part of it is that i have been getting that urge to write again, and to write about things that i want to write about.

And really i think that is what it comes down to... I don't want to write about him because he is depressing, and i could in theory do my essay on Hume but he is the one thing that is worse to me than depressing, and that is boring.

This statement strikes me as funny but i am gonna write it down anyways. And yes it is very egotistical too, but here it is. If anyone ever actually bothers to quote me to someone else what they should say is this:

• Something that every single person should strive for in their writing is that it be interesting. It doesn't need to be creative or beautiful or strikingly original as long as it is interesting. How many ideas have died because their author couldn't present them to the world in an interesting manor?

So here i go, off to write the bloody essay, or so i hope... Wish me luck!

Thanks Roomie

So right now i just need to go ahead and say thank you to one of my roommates. You know who you are, you who lent me the book Eat Pray Love.

I went and saw this movie shortly after it came out with my girlfriend, and it was great, very well done and i highly recommend it. So of course when i saw one of my roomies reading this book i just had to ask her if i could borrow it and read it. So thank you for saying yes.

In case you all forgot i happen to be someone who believe in a lot of Buddhist practices and philosophy. Also, if you have talked to me about Buddhism before you know i do not consider it to be a religion because i don't worship anything in line with it.

Do i believe in the notion that The Buddha attained enlightenment while meditating beneath a tree? Yes. Is that worship? No, that is my form of faith. I believe that a very long time ago a dude sat down and just was with his own mind long enough to realize that all the sacred and wonderful was right there inside of him. I believe he realized that everything that came to exist naturally was equally profane and sacred and that this is all it is, embodying this realization is enlightenment.

That is my faith.

Does it get more complicated, complex and personal? Hells yes. Can i explain it all? Not really, i can try but a lot of it i don't think you can get. Do i think time has anything to do with whether or not you become enlightened? Fuck no.

Enlightenment is not a process that happens faster based on where you are or when you started. I think that if you are going to meditate it is going to become your own practice when you need it to. I think that if you are going to become enlightened it will happen when you are ready. And i think that if you don't keep up that meditation and examining your own mind your enlightenment will go bye bye.

Why am i going on a rant about this right now? Because my roomie lent me that book and i just finished the pray section.

Why else? Because i hadn't been meditating in... well a long ass time. And frankly this book was the kick in said ass i needed.

For me meditating brings a form of awareness and focus. It brings a calm and an energy to me. And it is really freakin easy to not meditate, to let each day slide by without sitting with myself and just letting my mind be.

And so thanks roomie, i owe you one. But that one is not another bottle of Sourpuss.

Lets Play A Sugary Tomato Sauce (Katchup)

Hey there interwebs, how you doin? Good? That's good. More and more people using you every single day? Awesome. And me? Well right now i am doing pretty good. Here comes my new blog post, a coles notes version of my life during my first two months at school:

• Currently dating a wonderfully fantastic girl that i am insanely crazy about

• Figuring out slowly what i want to do with my life and finding out that it doesn't actually matter as long as there is something new for me to do every so often
• My older computer died and i have recently bought a new one that sadly still lacks a name
• Turned 21 and feel as much of a little kid as ever
• Slowly started embracing the notion of minimalism thanks to a blog i started reading here is the link
  
• I have gotten to know my room mates much better than i used to
• One of said roomies started a blog which i think you should all check out and encourage her to write more at http://fooduni.blogspot.com/
• I discovered yet again just how important a prof is to the subject matter they teach thanks to philosophy of art
• I have renewed my love of the two areas of knowledge that will be making up my degrees
• I have become completely and utterly broke meaning a job hunt is fast approaching
  
• Met a bunch of new people as is bound to happen at the start of each school year
• Became even more obsessed with cleaning, though mainly dishes and my room
• Reading a lot, and watching a lot of TV shows as is usual
• Looking for more changes in my life
• Thinking about space clearing in all aspects and wondering where to start

Now it is your turn. If you go to the same school as me it is reading week and you now have some more time than you did before, but even if you don't take a few minutes and run over the big important stuff that happened in the last few months. Look at the good, the bad, and the stuff you want to change. Let go of the fear, the worry, the regret, and the sadness. Let go of the happiness too.

That seems like a silly notion, i know. Think about how much time you hurt yourself with past happiness though, whether it be happiness from a past relationship that is over now or a past mark on an assignment that your current work didn't match.

Let go of the past and make some more room for the future, after all if your in uni like me this year still has 6 months to go! (And if your really like me then this year has 9 more months cause you will also be taking classes during the summer!)

People and Booze

So i was having a conversation with a girl i have gotten to know quite well recently and she said something, of which now escapes me, but the substance of it has been beating around the inside of my head kinda demanding for me to write it into a blog post, so for those of you who have missed these rants, enjoy!

See what she said was something about knowing people. Or it was about how people have layers. Or it was about how people are always changing. No! It was about how you can never truly know someone.

Don't you dare start protesting what i am saying! You need to let me finish first then you can comment if your little heart so desires.

Anywho now for me to get all into bartender mode (that's right, i have a bartender mode, its where i become all snobby about drinks).

The only thing that really has held my interest consistently other than writing would be the notion of myself as a bartender. Why? I don't know but i know that at least part of it goes to my conservative side (yes i have one of those two) which loves the putting things in order and each piece belonging to a greater whole. It also appeals to my creative side (yes i know you all know i have one of those) in that i get to mix whatever i have at my disposal and create something new and (hopefully) wonderful. A game i like to play with myself is to sit at a bar with a beer or something equally simple and toy around with what i think would mix well with what other things the bartender has at their disposal. Yes, i am a booze nerd.

But back to writing about Bartender Mode! See one thing that bugs me is mixing a drink with the intention of creating a combination similar to something that you want to have, but then calling it by the same name. Like for example, if it is a layered shot and you mix it all together because that is easier, it doesn't get the same name. If you have to mix two things together to get the same flavor fine, but if it is only close to the same flavor and one of 5 different ingredients you have to do that with it doesn't get the same name. See the snob?

Anywho, despite this i am not a snob when it comes to classic drinks like whiskey (also known as whisky, or Scotch depending where it is made) or wine (i like the cheap stuff!). This is a total lack of appreciation to what most... well i want to say connoisseurs or good drinkers or good bartenders tend to enjoy.

Does that mean i am a bad bartender? Fuck no. It means i lack experience and my liver is still in relatively good shape. Am i on my way to getting there? Well i like beer, and before this summer that was a lie.

Anywho when it comes to all those fancy drinks you think about the interplay of flavors and the complexity of it. To me it just burns, but to me beer was just bland before this summer so who knows what is to come?

I know, i know, you all are sitting there going "but what does this have to do with the beginning?"

Simple, just like i didn't like beer because i hadn't drank enough also reflects the way people treat each other. Often we don't have the tolerance for others that we need to, simply because we haven't spent enough time around them. Or by focusing on one type and getting to know its complexities and no others you might miss out on the subtle differences that you only see by comparing.

In movies and TV shows there is often the bottle of some kind of booze which is saved for a special occasion. How often do we treat our friends like that? Cherishing them and sharing them?

Why I Don't Eat Fancy Food

Hi out there, it seems to be a new day that nothing really is going to get done, so while that is happening i figured i would send out a new blog post for y'all.

So one of the things i decided to do for the course of this summer was to try most, if not all, of the restaurants in the downtown of this city. Why would i want to do something like that? Especially considering that i am a cheap student who works only every couple weekends?

Well because over the last year there were a few recommendations of where to eat and those places were the main areas that we all ate at. And the food was good there, really good. But when you decide to take a break from cafeteria food and actually eat something which wasn't as mass produced... well it is nice to get a change, but a change should really be something new.

And that would be why i decided to try all these different places and different foods. I decided to try and find the places that i like going to, the food i like to eat, the restaurants that are good to just sit and relax in.

And so i have been eating at various new places throughout the town, and i have found that for the most part they are great, that their food is in general well made, and that for the most part the recipes exist for a reason. The last place that i tried was a very fancy restaurant. To be honest i am not used to eating at places like it.

I am used to eating at places which are relatively nice, but not places where the cheapest meal is around 16$. The food was great, it was filling. The enviorment was relaxing and comfortable. But i don't think i will be going back, at least not often.

Why? Well other than the fact that the food was too expensive for my taste was that the fact that the place just carried with it a feeling that i didn't belong. Did i feel uncomfortable there? Not really but yes. I know that doesn't make sense, but to me it does.

Could i sit in such a place, eating such fancy food and sipping water (cause everything else was too expensive) from my crystal glass? Sure i could, and i did. Did i feel uncomfortable sitting in a place where there was a blatant negativity following from the only other occupied table there? Yes, i did.

Now what do i mean by that? Well it goes along with something i read recently in another blog post by someone else. The notion that money makes people unhappy is something that frankly i don't find it too surprising.

The people at the other table there were so very... upsetting, they just complained and complained (and yes i realize that is what i am doing now) and i would rather eat in less fancy places with simpler food and be around groups of people who sit there and tell stories to make each other's experience more comfortable.

That is why i don't fit in when i go to fancy places. Because i don't like what they seem to stand for and support. After all, life is too complicated to eat complicated food.

Explaining My Absence

Hello out there all you looney people who actually bother to read this (and yes, i do appreciate it), long time no chat! Why is this you may ask? Where have i been? Why have i not been writing to you?

Did i suffer some kind of terrible accident, like electricuting myself when i was attempting to charge a remote controlled car? No, because sadly i don't have a remote controlled car at my house... Did i get hurt in some other way that is a little less amusing? No, i remain unhurt (except for my head, but blame stats class for that!), instead the reason i haven't been writing these long one sided conversations to all of you is far less interesting, far less joyful, frankly it is far less fun.

I have been (wait for it! Can i get a drum roll please?) doing my homework (GASP!) and focusing on that rather than on the blog that i write for fun and self fulfillment (DOUBLE GASP!!).

Yes, i know, me taking a responsible view of my work and focusing on what matters right now rather than what i simply want to do. Shocking, its almost like i am a mature student who realizes that sometimes class really is important!

So yes, for the past while i have been working on an essay followed by a lab report and as such i have been working on doing a good job on both (or at least not a really crappy job done the day before...) so that i will get a semi decent mark.

Why are you writing a post now? you might be tempted to ask, well simply i have decided to take one night off before going back and working on my autobiography and studying for the exams i have next week. Yes, i am going to write an autobiography. No, it is not by choice, it is for a class. No, i probably will not end up posting it here.

But anywho, because of this time off from blogging i felt the urge to write it and explain it. I also might pound out several posts tonight to even things out. Looking forward to writing to all of you again on my semi-regular basis come August! TTYL

Friends, Acquaintances, What is the Dif?

Second post of the day. Why am i posting twice in one day you may ask? Well it could be because i am so opinionated that i never run out of things to talk about because, like the Dr., if there is one thing i can do, it is talk. It could be because i missed blogging the past couple days because of a hectic yet awesome spin my life took. It could be because i am obsessed with writing and i feel the need to create something even if it is just a blog post. Or it simply could be cause i feel like it. Personally i vote for all of the above.

But back to the post! What, pray do tell, am i going to talk about this evening when i feel like the Wicked Witch of the West after a bath? (Cause it is so hot i am melting! ha ha ha... wow that was bad) but yes it is hot here, and sadly though my house is awesome and wonderful and kinda smells of cat... it has no AC, and with no AC comes a very sad me, who avoids moving as much as physically possible.

So what have i done instead? Well i actually just finished writing an email to an old friend of mine who i didn't write or talk to at all during the past year and realized that i really regretted that so i am hoping it isn't to late to repair our friendship. See that is what i actually want to talk about.

Friendship, what is it that makes someone your friend? I know that before this past year my number of people i actually considered friends was quite small. The reason for this is that i tend to be really... well non-trusting, and there were not a lot of people that felt real enough to me that i could consider them friends. They were people i would spend time with, occasionally exchange a story or two that we found funny, but would i ask them advice? Tell them about a serious problem?

Not on your life! See i didn't want to trust people who i didn't feel desurved it, and so i have friends, aquantances, and people who i would nod/say "hi, whats up?" to, but they wouldn't count amongst my friends.

Now this sounds kind of heartless and mean and makes me seem kinda like i jerk, or at least so i have been told (personally i think it makes sense, otherwise why would i do so?). In getting to know one person recently i became just how aware of how little a lot of people know about me.

And do you know what? I count that as a good thing.

Namely, you ask me a question, i answer, you have a conversation that is involved with me i will tell you stories. I can explain to anyone what makes me who i am. I have a few things i wont share, a few things that are too personal, but for the most part what has made me who i am is something i am comfortable telling anyone.

The thing i have noticed is that the people who i consider friends now are those who either don't bother with my past as something important or actually ask until they know a fair amount about it.

I love both these groups of people, they are the ones i want around me. The rest of you? If you don't take the time to know my past or appropriate my present why would i enjoy either of yours?

New Words, New Lessons

So as you know if you have read this blog before, i am currently taking summer courses. If you are new to my blog, Welcome! and i am taking summer courses at my university. Why am i doing something as completely and utterly ludicrous as taking classes during my summer months rather than relaxing and sleeping in till 12? Well because A) i am a giant nerd and love my classes, and B) i can use the OSAP money to pay my rent so that i can move out without having to work and finally C) because in my house i get to spend most of my time relaxing and sleeping in till 12.

The next question is what courses is it that i am taking? Well see, first you have to know what kind of degree i am taking. I affectionately refer to it as my "psychotic degree that is absolutely good for nothing", see this degree is a joint major with psychology and philosophy, that carries with it a minor in indigenous studies.

Third question of the day should generally be WTF, and why? Simply put, i love philosophy. Something you should know if you have read even one of my posts before. If you haven't, i love philosophy. Also though this year i discovered my love for psych, which oddly enough was around long before my love of philosophy, i just forgot about it.

However something else i learned this year was that i hate a lot of western philosophy, and i think that getting simply a philosophy degree, besides from being useless in the practical world, is really biased towards one way of thinking. So i decided to take indigenous studies to balance out philosophy. As such, the classes i am taking this summer are Stats 2016 & 2017 which i need in order to get my psych major, and INDG 1000 to try it out and make sure it is something that i actually want to continue in.

Anyway, while stats is boring to the point that i text people informing them that i am dying and begging them to save me, indigenous studies is actually a lot of fun. Despite the fact that it is bright an early, starting at 9 am, when i manage to make it i love it. And i love the naps when i pass out in the middle of the lectures... (yes, i truly am not a morning person in the slightest)

Anywho, let me tell what it is that i love about this class. Its that the languages become part of the lecture which are completely unrelated to English, which is great. Yes, i love English, it is a wonderful language which is why i write and write and write, its why i want to be a writer, a novelist, i want to travel the world and explore different areas. I want to create my own worlds and societies with words so that other people can see in their minds.

But i digress, back to my point of learning bits and pieces of languages which are not related to English gives totally new expressions of thoughts and experiences which cannot be expressed in this language. It is in these totally new words that i am reminded of an old Zen is Stupid podcast (yes, you should go listen to all of them) that talks about words from other languages which express thoughts and ideas foreign to the English language that enrich their lives.

Thats why my task for all of you who are not currently engaged into some kind of learning a new task or skill for the summer should take some time to learn a few words in a new language, one not related to what you naturally speak.

Lets Take Some Time on the Trail...

So it is summer time here, in case you didn't know. And what does that mean you may ask? Why does it matter that the summer is here?

For starters, it is warm. No, sorry, that's a lie. It is HOT! I mean most days above 25 degrees Celsius is hot. Anywho, what does the temperature have to do with a blog post? Well i could talk about how the temp has been rising for a while, and how it keeps going up due to people's actions.

But actually that is a side note to what i am writing here, kinda the hidden message, the words behind the words. See, i am taking summer courses, just encase you have forgotten. And something i have started doing is biking from my house to class on campus. That is about... well i dunno, but i do know that it is above 8 kilometers there and back.

Yes, i am attempting to exercise and be healthy. And it helps that i live in a relatively beautiful city, true my area is not exactly the nicest part of said city, but i get to bike through the nicer areas on a long bike trail which runs up to the university along the river. There is a lot of forested area and un.... well i don't know what exactly to call it but basically- UNMAINTAINED!!! sorry but i realized the perfect word to use until that moment.

Ahem... Now so many of the areas are unmaintained (hee hee) meaning that weeds, plants, and wild flowers grow alongside weeds, vines, and trees. And it creates this beautiful chaos that really is hard to find inside the rest of the city. It creates these places where animals can scamper around without people bugging them.

On my trips up to the university i have seen rabbits, robins, crows, herons, among others. I actually see milkweed which is wonderful because the decline in monarch butterflys which makes me really sad. OK, let me explain that.

My favorite butterfly is the monarch, why? i dunno but i have always loved them since i was tiny. (and yes i once was tiny!) Anywho, due to milkweed being considered, well, a weed, people kill it, pull from their gardens. Farmers spray and remove it. And because that is the only thing that the caterpillars which turn into butterflys.

But anywho, back to the story, so i bike back and fourth and see all these things and notice that people the entire route are simply looking at the black asphalt in front of them, looking at the ground, or the horizon. They aren't smiling, they aren't enjoying their journey because they are so fixated on getting to the end.

And i guess being in university has also pointed out to me that so many people are rushing to the end of their degree, rushing to finish without taking the time to enjoy the classes, enjoy talking to their profs, and enjoy learning. I mean does anyone else remember being a kid and loving learning or am i the only one that nerdy?

And if i am, i suggest you all give it a try. Focus more on the learning and less on the pride, more on the journey and less on the destination. And when all else fails, pull over and ask for directions, you never know who you are gonna meet.

So i am sitting here late at night trying to think of another blog post to write. I have written quite a few recently but seemed to have run out of topics to write about. At least until tonight, then i had a thought of something i could write about and make a great post, something that would be wonderful to read about, that friends of mine would understand all the hidden jokes and references i would make about this past weekend.

I now can't even remember what that idea was about. It seems that the idea was lost during my drive home from a house where a few of my friends live. I can't help but think about how wonderful it is that i have a car for a little while and i can drive across the city to hang out. That i can stay later than the buses run.

It is awesome that i can travel like that, but it is going to suck next year when my friends who live there are more than a bus ride away, that they will either have to stay the night here, or take a taxi back if they can't make the bus.

It makes me think back on what it was like in res where we could hang out until about 4 in the morning and then all go back to our respective beds without having to pay for a ride or drive or anything. It makes me think of the good times we had and how awesome it was.

Anywho guys, just saying don't forget the awesome times as we go into this new year. Don't let the distance be an issue.

Back for yet another run....

Writing, no matter where i go, what i do, or what i learn i seem to find that writing is what i come back to. I spent the past year at a university in a general arts program trying to find what i want to do with my life. Tricky tricky challenge, as i had fled away from the idea of trying to become a professional writer in any way shape or form.

Instead i had embraced this idea that there was something else out there for me to do, something where i wouldn't have to put so much of myself on the line, hang so much of my dreams on other people. Instead there would be something in one of the various courses that would so appeal to me that i would find my future there, find what i want to be and to do there.

And in case you haven't figured it out this year has taught me one very big thing and reminded me of a lot of little things. The big thing that it has shown me is that i don't need to be hunting for what i want to do, for the goal that i feel is what i am made to do. That is because it has been here all along, that i really want to be a writer. Not for news papers or magazines, not just on the walls of bathroom stalls, but a novel writer, someone who creates stories and characters that say things about life, about what it means to exist, about the world. I want to write novels that teach people about things that i have experienced, share what i have learned.

I also have learned this year that i don't ever want to take an English course or a conventional writing courses ever again. I want to learn how to write from reading and from learning other things. I want to learn from life, read what i like and don't and then write to match it rather than dissect writing until i get caught up in the most trivial details.

It kinda reminds me of the Billy Bob Thornton movie School for Scoundrels where essentially men who lack self confidence enroll in a course to teach them to be more assertive in their lives. What happens at the end of the movie (spoiler alert! turn back if you have yet to see this movie!) is that the main character becomes a more in control of his life and more confident. He is asked to give a guest lecture on what it was like, but his response is that you don't teach if you can actually do something.

The point off of this is that each person knows how to lead there life and knows deep down inside what they really want, past all those dreams of money, world domination, toothless the dragon, an iron man suit and a number of other things. Instead past all of there there are the things people really want to do, the ways they really truly want to lead their lives.

Forget the self help books, the gurus, the get fit in a week or less machines for sale on late night infomercials. Each person deep down inside knows what they want, every last piece of it. Each person just has to get to know themselves to find it and go for it. Thats what i have done this year. That is why i am going to be a writer, because deep down that is what i want to do.

(that and i would also like to be a bartender, if you have a job opening let me know!)

Oblivion

So here i go to continue my theme of sleep. I have to write this post out to all of you because my mind literally got hijacked at one point today and i stopped thinking about what i was doing, and instead thought out a possible way to write this post. It was very interesting, one second thinking about the homework i have to do, the next my mind becomes consumed with thoughts of oblivion.

Yes, you read that right, i am writing about oblivion. Sleep, unconsciousness, fainting, being knocked out, all make a reference to oblivion, or at least they have when i have read them. It is in a way true that sleep is a form of oblivion, you can't really consciously percive anything that is activly happening in the real world unless you happen to be some kind of prophet or seer (in which case care to send me the lottery numbers for next week?).

Sleep is a time for refreshing and restoring yourself, it is the time where your brain makes connections to learn new things and incorporate new experiences into who you are. Dreams have been shown to help learn new things and ingrain a number of different thoughts into your mind.

But now i want to take sleep and turn it into a metaphor for interpersonal reactions and life. There is a quote that i can't completely remember or where it came from, but it goes something like there are so many people just wandering through their lives in some kind of stupor like they are asleep and need to just wake up.

This is truly a wonderful thought on life, people need to wake up and experience things instead of just dreaming them and treating them if they are not real. I am going to use myself as an example here so be well aware that this means i will most likely sound preachy and self righteous, you have been warned.

Anywho why am i in university? Because i was told to by my mom or else. Yes, that is why i am here, blame her. Anywho though what kind of degree am i getting? A double major in psychology and philosophy with a minor in Anthropology or Indigenous studies to balance it out. I also am planning on taking at least a few biology courses. Why am i doing all this, when i know that it will send me into a giant pit of debt that i doubt i will ever escape? Because i want to experience life and learn about all the things that interest me.

That is what being awake in life for me means, being able to be myself and learn all i can. It means taking the experiences life offers me and running with them for as long as i care to. It means acting when it is time to act and holding back when it is time to hold back.

But then there is a way i am oblivious, and i choose to be. That is with my actions with other people, i choose to be oblivious of things if people don't come and talk to me about them. I truly believe in the idea that if it is important come talk to me about it, and if it isn't then it doesn't really matter.

As well if i think i see something but know that it isn't important for people enough for them to act on it then i wont, instead i choose for other people to move and bring up things. I instead keep things easier by not bring up things with other people that i could and let them instead.

I guess my recommendation from this is that if there is something you want to talk about or think you need to talk about then do it. If you don't think it is important enough then play oblivious.

Name

Wow.... just wow. I'm watching Little Miss Sunshine for the first time ever as a write this and i have to say that the grandfather is hilarious. And i have to say so far i can see why this movie has gotten loads of great reviews, but then again consider the cast, all wonderful actors, would you expect to see them in anything else?

This however in a round-about way brings me to the point that i want to talk about which is names. Consider Steve Carell and Abigail Breslin, what images come to mind when you think of these people? Steve Carell brings to my mind the thoughts of his comedy and the show The Office. Abigail Breslin on the other hand reminds me of a number of different things but mainly of an interview with Ryan Reynolds (who in turn makes me think of Van Wilder and Blade Trinity).

Each of these people has an instant thing that comes to mind when you hear their name. (btw Abigail makes me want to go awwww and give her a giant bear hug.... how is she so cute?). And i don't doubt that there is something that comes instantly to mind when you think of the names of people you know (what comes to mind when you think of mine?[that is what comments are for]).

Think about what the people in your life bring to your mind when you think of their names. Think long and hard about who you want in it and what is going on with them. And then think about what has happened with that person before and if you are focusing too much on the itty bitty problems and not enough on the great giant happy memories. (and now it is so very very sad... poor people...)

Now to continue this story today i took a trip to Costco for the first time ever with a friend of mine and we went shopping. After spending about an hour in the store we left and on the radio there was a song playing live by some band, i think it was called "if". Anywho it was about imagining yourself as a color. This sparked all of this post in reality.

For the drive back to school i was thinking about what type of color i am, and determined that it is really really hard to figure out. For me i see a combination of blue and yellow so that it has a green tinge but i can't get it quite right. It is like no matter how i think about it there is just something missing, something in myself that i can't quite imagine.

Which brings me to my name. My first name is Wesley but i tend to usually go by Wes. Besides the fact that as with most people who can shorten their names i do, there is also the mentality that goes behind it. See, when i was in grade school i always said that i preferred Wes because Wesley just sounded far to formal. I think it still this mentality.

Lately i have been feeling like i am trapped in between childhood and adulthood and though i am maturing (however slowly) i still am in so many ways very innocent and in others so very very grown up... And in this conflict some people feel more comfortable calling me Wesley while others call me Wes. I guess the end point here is that different names for different situations suit well. Don't get too caught up in one image of yourself, because then you wont be ready for the change when it happens.

New Family

Ok, been a few days, haven't posted, haven't written. Defiantly the start of a slippery slope. This blog post owes its existence to the prof who i work for (thank you prof i work for!). See tonight while i was working i had this idea that had to do with me learning to program using MATLAB and a computer which no one in the lab uses.

Anywho this post doesn't have to do with MATLAB or the computer, or even psych really. Rather it has to do with where i ended up when i went to talk to him about this. He was at an event that decides which book the new students of the university read in the fall. There are four books currently competing for the spot and though i am rooting for Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell one of the themes of the other books caught me.

To be perfectly honest i cannot recall what the other book was titled, so i can't give you a link to order it. But i can summarize the plot in a few quick points!
- Selfish woman gets in car crash
- Destroys car that is home to grandmother and kids who are going to another city to get work
- Mother of kids is in hospital dying of cancer
- Father of kids is MIA
- Selfish woman takes in family from car
- Selfish woman becomes unselfish

Quick and dirty summing up, i can't go into more detail because A) i have never read it and B) this is me recalling the summary i heard a few hours ago and things get fuzzy after a few minutes...

Anywho the reason that this book is bringing up the post you are reading is because the book is about a woman who creates a family out of people she meets (which is the reason that they want university students to read it). Me personally, i have never been one to find family such a brilliant reason for staying in touch with people i have less in common with than the chimpanzees who use tools at the zoo, but i am now starting to get a bit of the building a family out of friends.

The number of people who use the terms "love, family, best friend" over and over with regards to everyone they know horrifies me. I have an undying love for language, it is why i write, it is why i talk the amount i do, it is one of the many reason i am going for a degree in philosophy. Seeing words that have these deep meanings tossed around like leaves on an autumn day truly does upset me. They have been tossed around by people i know at university and yet i also know that myself along with several others have truly meant it when they said it.

And this brings me to my second story. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in January (do you remember January? it is getting to be far away...) there was a meeting in my residence, where most of my friends here happen to live. It was a painfully long and boring meeting filled with ideas like do your work ahead of time so that you don't get all stressed and do your readings after classes so you don't have to do them the night before the mid-term.... Anywho in and amongst the rest of the usual stuff that students ignore and mock the entire time (inbetween the yelling and cheering anyways) was the comment that this is the time of year people become close or fall apart.

The second semester was remarked upon as the time when people begin looking for houses, all the exams and assignments people should have been working all year long on become due, and the drinking goes up as more people turn 19. AKA second semester is stress central. And in this time it becomes so easy for people to develop a conflict and not talk it out.

We all are in university here, we are supposed to have left the high school drama behind. I know that it will never fully leave completely but as the guy who spoke for the book outliers said tonight "This is the time when we are becoming who we are for the rest of our lives" do you guys really want to be the type of "family" who doesn't talk things out and lets pride and lack of communication break us all apart? Or are we all going to take some steps and grow up, prevent that divorce and show just how much our friendships mean to all of us.

I don't really want two birthdays and Christmases, do you? Check this out if you need to think some more.

VD...

It is the start of February and the buzz from New Year's Eve is hopefully wearing off by now. For students it is back to school, for parents it is back to nagging and for couples the next holiday is right around the corner.

Valentines Day is almost here and this year it comes with a number of other holidays. As a university student i have already noticed a number of different celebrations popping up in and around the holiday and it makes me happy.

I was someone who spent my time in high school playing the cynic and celebrating Anti- V Day which is really easy to do with website like: http://www.meish.org/vd/ . Personally my favorite is the one that simply states "You'll Do".

But now with all these other events coming up I have had a slight awakening to the idea that maybe we all should get into the original spirit of the season instead of the Hallmark Store.

First of the events i have noticed is "Tell her she's beautiful" which is simply inspiring to tell the women of your life that you think they are beautiful just the way they are. It is a wonderful way to tell the people you care about that you do care and more than about looks as well.

Next is the reverse, no not tell her she's ugly but "Tell him he's handsome", a chance to tell the men in her life that you think they look great no matter how old they have gotten or what life has been putting them through. It simply is a great way to show what people mean to you.

But of course no holiday is complete without some time to yourself. That is why there is also self love week, running from February 9th to the 13th. The perfect reminder in the hustle and bustle
world that sometimes you need to kick back, take hold, and enjoy life.

*side note: i have submitted this post to another blog to run, cross your fingers for me!*

I'm Back

Hello people out there in the blog-o-sphere. How are you today? Did you enjoy my vacation from writing to you nearly every single day? I know i did and didn't at the same time. Turns out i need to write to you, but i will get back to that in a bit.

It has been so long that i can't even remember what the last post before this one i wrote was about... oh well, that just means i can write about whatever i want and if it ends up being a repeat i wont feel bad.

So back to the writing i go... Well as it has been ages let me fill you in on what exactly has happened in my life. I was on the fencing team, left it for school work, was salsa dancing but left it because i lacked the time. I continue to be a part of walk home, have improved my study habits, had my exams, passed a class and started a new one. Broke up with my girlfriend and continued to make new friends. Have drank and mixed drinks, yet to have a hangover at university. Tried wine and avoided sourpuss. And most recently realized just how much i have changed.

I used to be much more introverted than i currently am (don't get me wrong, i still am incredibly shy but it is slowly going away...). Rather now i find myself embracing a certain type of insanity which allows me to do whatever i so choose and be completely comfortable with it. It would be a lie for me to claim credit for this however, i instead owe this to the wonderfully amazing people i have grown to know and love here at university.

They have gifted me with this confidence in myself to be whoever i want to be, and in doing this have given me the space to grow to who i currently am (that is right, i blame all of YOU for my insanity!). I thank you all for this.

However, in the constant stream and rush of activities swirling around me i recently have also realized how much of myself i have lost. I rarely manage to find the time to sit and meditate anymore. I rarely take the time to find the random posts online which so inspire my world views. And lets not forget this blog. I don't really take the time to write anymore.

I can't help but be reminded of a quote (can i ever?) which states that sitting around and simply waiting for inspiration never works, you have to go out there and get it for yourself. In a way that is what i have been doing for myself, latching onto whatever ideas or experiances come my way to see what i can do with them and what i can learn.

But this leaping from idea to idea, from thought to thought, and action to action leaves me feeling sort of drained and less who i was, or even with the idea of who i was. And that is a mistake.

One thing i remember from myself is a quote (thats right, one i made!) which says "Be thankful for who you were yesterday for without them you would not be who you are now" and tonight i realize just how true this is. Tonight i tried out for my university's first response team, the people on campus who help out in cases of medical emergencies. If you can't tell what happened then i suppose i have to. I didn't make the cut and for quite some time i felt deeply upset by it.

I tried to play pool, or to sit and read a text book but i couldn't do it, i needed movement. And so i got up and ran across campus before slowly walking back (in negative 16 weather, i have no idea what made me forget to grab a hat but my ears are still mad about it).

If you have enjoyed reading this far than you owe that walk a thank you because it reminded me of who i used to be. And it told me that there just might be parts of that person i want to hang onto. For instance the meditation and the writing are parts which i deeply miss and so i think i will attempt to resurrect.

If i fail, well i am only human, and if i succeed then gimme the props i deserve, a smack to the back of the head and the orders to get back to work or over to the pool table.

On a side note, sit and listen to this song Man I Used to Be

Uni-Ready

So here i am, actually writing something again. Weird isn't it? Not entirely surprising that i am writing something but it has been forever, and i seem to recall writing something during the summer about how i wouldn't let this blog go un-posted on for a long time... But i have, and i probably will continue to do so.

See, now i have stuff to do, and can access the internet at a decent pace. It actually turns out that i can load stuff within like 10 minutes! Five even! And so i find myself with other things to do. As well here at university i haven't really spent as much time in introspection as i have during the summer. Why that is i haven't pinpointed, but i haven't.

And without as much introspection, without the idea to just sit down and start writing to de-stress every single day because i am not as stressed... well it makes writing stuff actually a lot harder. Interesting, kinda like that idea that darkness brings out more creativity than light. Fits in with what Freud said about artists using other frustrations (namely sexual frustration) to fire arts, to fuel the works that they do.

Me and my darkness... well mine is still there, as deep and dark as ever, but it is hidden from beneath a towering pile of other stuff that i am enjoying in life right now. I like my classes, even if i find the profs or the readings dull i like that i am learning all about people and why we do what we do. I have got to meet a tonne of people, including people i have known only through the internet. As well i am on my own, finally getting the chance to grow into myself outside from my family.

Which adds an interesting point, apparently this is the time most students begin to feel truly homesick, the time they begin to miss all the other stuff that had happened. Now this has made me think about my last 2 years at home. I took a victory lap in high school to take the other courses that i couldn't fit or were not offered during my grade 12 year. After that i spent a year hiding from the world in my job making money to afford school. Both points are true, i was hiding because having to go out and be responsible terrifies me, and i couldn't have been able to pay for even one semester of school had i gone last year.

But apparently i should have gone. Interesting statement, i know. But the thing is, i am so happy here in comparison to all the stresses that i have had at home... I should have gone to university either one or two years ago, gone and began this whole process. Of course then how could i have known that? And what would have happened if i had gone? Would i really have been ready or would i just have been in the process of becoming ready?

Uni-Life

Hey I am back on posting, and now i have to say something from a Bo Burnham video: Hello, did you miss me? Well then go FU-"

Now that the intro that i have been wanting to type for a while is out i can get down to making the crappy blog posts you all know and for some strange reason enjoy. I am at university now, have been since the 7th of September.

And a lot has happened, i have met people, pulled damn near all nighters, eaten junk food, fallen asleep in lectures, and wasted loads of time on the internet. And i got my computer back so HUZZA! And now i have a decent internet for the first time in my life. As such i can actually watch streaming video! I CAN GO ON YOUTUBE!

Ya, very shocking idea, i know. And so i am in university and should have tonnes of stories to tell, but i don't really want to tell them all now. They feel like they are my stories, to tell in person. But i do have something i kinda want to talk about now.

One of the classes i am taking is cultural studies, it is basically the study of what is culture. Culture is one of those things that i can't define and neither can anyone else that i have seen. Well anywho it turns out the class so far seems to be the biggest bit of bullshit i have ever sat through.

It seems to me that the class is one run by professors who get there rocks off on being profs. Cruel, harsh, and judging, i know. One of those things that once it is said which seems like slander or something else which i could be sued for. I can't be, i am just stating that this is the impression i got from the first few lectures.

Then something different happened yesterday. See, in cultures i also lucked out with getting my favorite TA for the class. He is my favorite simply because... i dunno why but he is. Anywho, back to what i was saying, i didn't look forward to the lecture but did look forward to the seminar with my TA because it was actually interesting.

Anywho yesterday i actually found the lecture interesting. It was a different prof talking, she somehow inspired me to actually sit up and pay attention. Her lecture was about language and how it is formed from ideas, but how we could never truly know language because we never really know the ideas of other people.

It was fascinating and confusing and messed with the heads of everyone who was listening. The talk left my head spinning, she let us question her and answered us. The lecture had discussion to it. It had a back and fourth. She was willing to admit things that she didn't know to us. It was so refreshing to listen to, to hear a prof who didn't try to make it sound like they knew everything under the sun.

And yet other people found it frustrating and annoying. They found the fact that she didn't claim to know everything, to offer certainty frustrating. It makes me think about my own perspective. If i find the lack of a center, the lack of ground beneath me comforting what does that say about me? And what does it mean to say that we take comfort from people who don't admit their own ignorance, and dislike those who do?