On the subject of an Education

Hey so here is one of those random posts i promised to toss out here once every so often. Why am i writing this? Well a blog i follow brought something to my attention which i want to write about. The link to the news article is http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_16029/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=pmVmhDzd go check it out for the article that gives the bare bones facts (or at least i thought it did, but i am biased)

The best way to basically sum it up is that this teacher got sick and tired of the way her students behaved and so she wrote rants on her blog online, which she maintained anonymously. Somehow some of her students figured out that she was writing about them and complained to the school (kinda funny considering one of her main problems with them was that they were whiny...)

Anywho, because grade 10-12 students are so fragile and need to be shielded from every single bit of criticism she was suspended from her job without pay and might be fired. She is meanwhile preparing to sue to keep her job because she was exercising her right to free speech (or so her lawyer plans to argue)

Now this becomes an issue for me because i obviously don't really make much of an effort to hide who i am. My profile picture is really me, i like my blog to my twitter which links to my tumblr which links to my facebook. They all are connected, all attempting to promote my viewpoint and more importantly my writing.

That being said my issue with what is occurring to this teacher is that, at least from what i have gathered, she DIDN'T try and get noticed by anyone. She was using blogs for what i still occasionally do, she has been writing an online journal instead of a pen and paper one. Why?

I don't know, and frankly it is none of my business. But for some reason people seem determined to unmask every single anonymous person who writes things online that are controversial. And lets be honest, the best writing is all about controversy.

I know that the blogs Waiter Rant(who apparently is down today meaning i can't link to him), Girl with a one track mind, and Opinionistas were all blogs that i followed, and all wrote about things that might get the fired or shunned. Each and every one of them suffered someone trying to find out who they are (and in at least one case succeeding)

The problem here is that the internet is a place where if you want you are supposed to be able to go out and say whatever you want into it, and if you want you don't need to attach your name. I don't put any names into my posts, be it the name of my school or people i might be happening to write about.

Why? Because they didn't say i could. Why do these kids currently piss me off? Because she didn't list names, she didn't call people out specifically. She just ranted about the way kids act, and all they did was prove her right.

A and B

So i haven't exactly written a blog post in a while but i feel like writing this one today. Why? i need to vent, just a little bit. And you, are my imaginary audience who get to sit and listen. Which means that i am not a crazy person sitting in my room talking to myself.

See what i need to talk to you about isn't so much a need as an explanation... See over the past while i have been experiencing a personality change. Except that i haven't been.

I don't believe that there is anything someone does that wasn't already in them. Basically let me explain it like this, depending on the given situation there are a certain number of possible reactions that someone could make.

So that's why i say i have experienced a personality change but not really... because given the situations i have flowed myself into i have changed from who i was last year, becoming, for a little while at least, less of a slacker.

See, for a long ass time i wanted to be that brilliant kid who knows absolutely everything. I was that kid for a while in a couple of subjects for a little while, things i studied outside of school like psychology or animals waaaaaaaaay back in grade school.

Anywho this past summer i was taking a few courses and got ahead of people and started thinking about the future and being a good student and knowing EVERYTHING which, as i just said, has always been something i wanted to do.

So i started this school year with these kind of goals in the back of my mind and suddenly i started doing all of my assignments and my readings. Work started getting done way in advance.

But my marks stayed the same as they were last year. And my stress levels skyrocketed. To be honest they are still way higher than they ever were last year (and last year i failed a course...). Simply put i was slipping into a type A personality, and it took some very important people to point this out to me (you all know who you are).

So here i am, ranting about what i was turning into, and what i hope to stop turning into. I know i don't really have a right to ask for any more, but to the people in my life i ask for your patience. Its gonna be tricky, but hopefully i can get to a balanced point between the two very different people i was.

Wish me luck!

Depressing or Boring or Both?

What am i doing right now? Being a moron, that is what... Why, you may ask (assuming you are kind/curious enough) are you being a moron?

Well, my answer would be, because i finally have a topic for my Philosophy of Religion essay (or as it shall hencforth be known, Phil of R) and i am not writing it, despite the fact that it is actually the next assignment i have due that isn't complete... Nor am i using my time to study for Social Psychology or write my Philosophy of Art paper (it will not be known as Phil of A, it is too evil for a new nickname...).

Why am i dragging out this bloody essay for so long? I don't know. I have been asking myself the same question all week. I did the first assignment in about an hour because i was focused and didn't let myself get distracted by books or blogs or TV or anything.

But somehow this essay keeps me from tackling and i find myself doing other tasks. I have narrowed down the topic for my Philosophy of Art paper. I did a bonus Social Psych assignment. I read extra stuff, i looked up articles for another paper, hunted for more info on the assignment i had already finished!

But this paper, it needs to be done. I set aside today and tomorrow for its removal. Other assignments i have lumped into doing in a single day, or in the case of quite a few of them, doing them all in one day.

Why is this essay such a colossal pain in my keister (yes i used Google to find out how to spell that)? I could use the excuse of Nietzsche,(btw check out that mustache, EPIC) because he is a pain in the ass. He is depressing and frustrating to read because, like most philosophers, he doesn't appear to just come out and say what he needs to say. Instead he jumps around using these gigantic words that tire me out as i read him. I could say that i find his writing depressing and it bugs me to read so i have been trying to avoid him.

I could say those things because they are true. At the same time a perverse part of me actually enjoys reading him once every so often, for the very same reason i enjoyed reading Hume last year. He points out things which i found to be glaringly obvious before. Yes, i know, i sound full of it, and it may just be the way that i read these two, or it could be because i am lucky enough to come from a society whose education system managed to do a decent job and i noticed these things. Or i could pass credit to my family who raised me to be a skeptic and a critic (just ask people who come ask me for advice).

But none of this really explains why rather than just writing the essay and relieving myself of this build up of negative energy i am writing a blog post about it. I would bet that part of it is that i have been getting that urge to write again, and to write about things that i want to write about.

And really i think that is what it comes down to... I don't want to write about him because he is depressing, and i could in theory do my essay on Hume but he is the one thing that is worse to me than depressing, and that is boring.

This statement strikes me as funny but i am gonna write it down anyways. And yes it is very egotistical too, but here it is. If anyone ever actually bothers to quote me to someone else what they should say is this:

• Something that every single person should strive for in their writing is that it be interesting. It doesn't need to be creative or beautiful or strikingly original as long as it is interesting. How many ideas have died because their author couldn't present them to the world in an interesting manor?

So here i go, off to write the bloody essay, or so i hope... Wish me luck!

Thanks Roomie

So right now i just need to go ahead and say thank you to one of my roommates. You know who you are, you who lent me the book Eat Pray Love.

I went and saw this movie shortly after it came out with my girlfriend, and it was great, very well done and i highly recommend it. So of course when i saw one of my roomies reading this book i just had to ask her if i could borrow it and read it. So thank you for saying yes.

In case you all forgot i happen to be someone who believe in a lot of Buddhist practices and philosophy. Also, if you have talked to me about Buddhism before you know i do not consider it to be a religion because i don't worship anything in line with it.

Do i believe in the notion that The Buddha attained enlightenment while meditating beneath a tree? Yes. Is that worship? No, that is my form of faith. I believe that a very long time ago a dude sat down and just was with his own mind long enough to realize that all the sacred and wonderful was right there inside of him. I believe he realized that everything that came to exist naturally was equally profane and sacred and that this is all it is, embodying this realization is enlightenment.

That is my faith.

Does it get more complicated, complex and personal? Hells yes. Can i explain it all? Not really, i can try but a lot of it i don't think you can get. Do i think time has anything to do with whether or not you become enlightened? Fuck no.

Enlightenment is not a process that happens faster based on where you are or when you started. I think that if you are going to meditate it is going to become your own practice when you need it to. I think that if you are going to become enlightened it will happen when you are ready. And i think that if you don't keep up that meditation and examining your own mind your enlightenment will go bye bye.

Why am i going on a rant about this right now? Because my roomie lent me that book and i just finished the pray section.

Why else? Because i hadn't been meditating in... well a long ass time. And frankly this book was the kick in said ass i needed.

For me meditating brings a form of awareness and focus. It brings a calm and an energy to me. And it is really freakin easy to not meditate, to let each day slide by without sitting with myself and just letting my mind be.

And so thanks roomie, i owe you one. But that one is not another bottle of Sourpuss.

Lets Play A Sugary Tomato Sauce (Katchup)

Hey there interwebs, how you doin? Good? That's good. More and more people using you every single day? Awesome. And me? Well right now i am doing pretty good. Here comes my new blog post, a coles notes version of my life during my first two months at school:

• Currently dating a wonderfully fantastic girl that i am insanely crazy about

• Figuring out slowly what i want to do with my life and finding out that it doesn't actually matter as long as there is something new for me to do every so often
• My older computer died and i have recently bought a new one that sadly still lacks a name
• Turned 21 and feel as much of a little kid as ever
• Slowly started embracing the notion of minimalism thanks to a blog i started reading here is the link
  
• I have gotten to know my room mates much better than i used to
• One of said roomies started a blog which i think you should all check out and encourage her to write more at http://fooduni.blogspot.com/
• I discovered yet again just how important a prof is to the subject matter they teach thanks to philosophy of art
• I have renewed my love of the two areas of knowledge that will be making up my degrees
• I have become completely and utterly broke meaning a job hunt is fast approaching
  
• Met a bunch of new people as is bound to happen at the start of each school year
• Became even more obsessed with cleaning, though mainly dishes and my room
• Reading a lot, and watching a lot of TV shows as is usual
• Looking for more changes in my life
• Thinking about space clearing in all aspects and wondering where to start

Now it is your turn. If you go to the same school as me it is reading week and you now have some more time than you did before, but even if you don't take a few minutes and run over the big important stuff that happened in the last few months. Look at the good, the bad, and the stuff you want to change. Let go of the fear, the worry, the regret, and the sadness. Let go of the happiness too.

That seems like a silly notion, i know. Think about how much time you hurt yourself with past happiness though, whether it be happiness from a past relationship that is over now or a past mark on an assignment that your current work didn't match.

Let go of the past and make some more room for the future, after all if your in uni like me this year still has 6 months to go! (And if your really like me then this year has 9 more months cause you will also be taking classes during the summer!)

The Future of Here and Now

Hey Blog-o-sphere how goes it? Happy i was gone? Less headaches? More free time? Well relax, i am not promising to come back with the crazy amount of writing i did during the summer, rather i am just writing because i feel like it.

What am i thinking about now? The past... And the future.

How often do those two come up? The past and the future, the two best distractions from the present. The perfect way to avoid living in the moment is to think about these things. But at the same time how do we avoid it? The past is the best way to learn from mistakes, the future requires some planning because it turns into the present.

With this getting lost into the future and the past i tend to lose track of the present in a way... See getting so involved in my present i tend to disregard other events places and people. It isn't intentional, it isn't something i plan, and because i see it coming when people ask to see me i make my every effort to take the time to see them. When events demand that i see someone, talk to them, i will plan it out soon in the future.

I think this is something i have talked about in the past, the notion of selfishness. The way you need to take care of yourself first, within limits. Self care is needed in order to be able to care for others. To quote one of my favorite shows "You try to fix the world but you're the ones that are broken."

To a degree that is what i am doing now. Normally i try to be the person who is always there for their friends and family. I tend to have an impressive amount of patience but for now i am doing things that make me feel good. I am letting myself be a little more selfish with my time and spend it in the places that really make me happy.

To Tea or not To Tea?

Ok kids, news on MWBN is that i have massively failed in getting chapters one to five written by today, as such i am giving myself 4 weeks to write it. Hopefully this will be enough time but i dunno if it shall.

Anywho this means that i need something to write about on here because that is simply depressing.

So, while i started writing this post several days ago i failed to come up with any sort of topic that i wanted to write about, until now. And what is this brilliant idea which has been on simmer for a couple days until several moments ago finally reached a wonderful boil? Tea.

Yep, i am about to write out a blog post about tea. Why? Well lately i have been feeling continually fried and creatively drained. Why is this? Well at first i blamed it on a lack of time living and more of a time observing but it wasn't until two of my roommates moved in that i realized i also had stopped drinking as much tea as i used to.

This honestly makes me think about a conversation i had with a good friend a long time ago. I had just got interested in Buddhism and the notion of enlightenment. Frankly it seemed like such a cool idea that i announced to the world that enlightenment would be my quest. I would seek it out and distance myself from material possessions and caring of such physical things. Needless to say that failed (though for the most part my clothes remained unchanged except for the free stuff i was given, to those who like the changes now occurring in my wardrobe a thank you is owed to the new girlfriend).

Anywho off the random tangent and back onto the notion about this lovely liquid which is prepared with boiling water. What did my friend respond with? Some wise crack about the possibility of ME being enlightened? Something in support? No. He asked if i would be drinking a lot of tea.

It took till now for me to realize how good an idea that would have been back then. Tea... well let me quote a book by Rob Thurman here... oh fuck i can't, that book is still out on loan, person who has my copy of Nightlife can you please look up the quote Cal says about Niko and tea after he is hypnotized? If you could past it into the comments it would be greatly appreciated.

Anywho tea is a wonderful way to get some caffeine (but not too much!), a few anti-oxidants, and some great flavor. Plus in the case of green tea it slightly raises your body temp which burns some extra calories. If you do some research into types of tea you can in general find something which gives you something missing from your diet and skip out on all the juices instead.

Basically my tip to you is take some time, go to a tea store and smell them all. Maybe not all of them, but if you have a flavor like say lemon that you like you can go and smell the lemon ones. Pick a couple, buy them, and spend some time trying them. Some you will love, some not so much. But in doing so you will bring a little change into your life, and face it, we could all use a little.

Writing

So i am going to write out this post tonight listening to the Barenaked Ladies on my ipod, if it makes no sense i blame them.

What am i going to rant about tonight? What topic shall i use my self-righteousness on? Well considering my ongoing dream to actually be a writer, i think i will write about what writing means to me. Writing about writing, i know, like masturbating to masturbation but oh well, my blog my rules!

See for me writing is nothing grand or divine, nothing spiritual, nothing special, it is nothing more than the person who wrote it. This of course means that to me writing is nothing but divine, spiritual, and special. Confused? Probably not, more just irritated at me for writing that, well no worries i am too.

Why would i write it then? Because it is true. Writing is in and of itself no more important or special than white paint thrown on a white canvas and called art. Well... ok, maybe it is more. After all, most people write in black ink on white paper. But woot woot, we use one more shade! That doesn't make writing special, and that's why it isn't, just like art for art's sake is utter bull.

But if that art is for your sake, for something inside you that demands to be expressed then it really doesn't matter what anyone other than you thinks of it. That right there is half of the challenge, that art that exists only for its own sake doesn't often go out into the world and seek to be recognized.

I know, that in and of itself makes all of my writing here pointless and worthless. Yes, i send it out into the world, but i also don't censor it, i don't edit again and again. Each of these posts is a free fall writing exercise. I don't plan it, and other than using Firefox's spell-check i don't edit.

To me writing can be one of two things, it can exist to simply be a creation for its own sake, which is what i do in two books i bought at Chapters that i write in, and in them i write my own far more personal thoughts and ideas. The things i write there i let no one else read. That is my art for art's sake.

Sadly that doesn't pay the bills (though neither does this blog), so i write other things in the hopes of one day becoming someone published who can be lucky enough to support themselves and perhaps even a family from simply writing books.

I think writing is something very personal, something which each person decides to do or to not do for their own reasons. I think it is something where no matter how many different people look at it, the only one who can really see all the depths is the original writer. And i think those who actually got enough balls to put something out there can most likely take the criticism we throw at them, but like the quotes say we also need to recognize that their work is worth more than all of the criticism in the world put together.

People and Booze

So i was having a conversation with a girl i have gotten to know quite well recently and she said something, of which now escapes me, but the substance of it has been beating around the inside of my head kinda demanding for me to write it into a blog post, so for those of you who have missed these rants, enjoy!

See what she said was something about knowing people. Or it was about how people have layers. Or it was about how people are always changing. No! It was about how you can never truly know someone.

Don't you dare start protesting what i am saying! You need to let me finish first then you can comment if your little heart so desires.

Anywho now for me to get all into bartender mode (that's right, i have a bartender mode, its where i become all snobby about drinks).

The only thing that really has held my interest consistently other than writing would be the notion of myself as a bartender. Why? I don't know but i know that at least part of it goes to my conservative side (yes i have one of those two) which loves the putting things in order and each piece belonging to a greater whole. It also appeals to my creative side (yes i know you all know i have one of those) in that i get to mix whatever i have at my disposal and create something new and (hopefully) wonderful. A game i like to play with myself is to sit at a bar with a beer or something equally simple and toy around with what i think would mix well with what other things the bartender has at their disposal. Yes, i am a booze nerd.

But back to writing about Bartender Mode! See one thing that bugs me is mixing a drink with the intention of creating a combination similar to something that you want to have, but then calling it by the same name. Like for example, if it is a layered shot and you mix it all together because that is easier, it doesn't get the same name. If you have to mix two things together to get the same flavor fine, but if it is only close to the same flavor and one of 5 different ingredients you have to do that with it doesn't get the same name. See the snob?

Anywho, despite this i am not a snob when it comes to classic drinks like whiskey (also known as whisky, or Scotch depending where it is made) or wine (i like the cheap stuff!). This is a total lack of appreciation to what most... well i want to say connoisseurs or good drinkers or good bartenders tend to enjoy.

Does that mean i am a bad bartender? Fuck no. It means i lack experience and my liver is still in relatively good shape. Am i on my way to getting there? Well i like beer, and before this summer that was a lie.

Anywho when it comes to all those fancy drinks you think about the interplay of flavors and the complexity of it. To me it just burns, but to me beer was just bland before this summer so who knows what is to come?

I know, i know, you all are sitting there going "but what does this have to do with the beginning?"

Simple, just like i didn't like beer because i hadn't drank enough also reflects the way people treat each other. Often we don't have the tolerance for others that we need to, simply because we haven't spent enough time around them. Or by focusing on one type and getting to know its complexities and no others you might miss out on the subtle differences that you only see by comparing.

In movies and TV shows there is often the bottle of some kind of booze which is saved for a special occasion. How often do we treat our friends like that? Cherishing them and sharing them?

Read em Once

Alright here it is, my second post today, all about the books which you love but only ever really read once instead of reading over and over and over until you can recite them word for word.

Something tells me this may be a painful post to write, i dunno why but it is simply a gut feeling so be warned, there may be real emotion in this thing somewhere.

Have you ever heard a song, looked at a painting, seen a movie, or read a book and it changed your life? Have you ever had one of those lovely moments where the entire universe in all its glory is explained to you? Or perhaps you have experienced the smaller version, where something in one of these pieces of art that offers a view of the world resonates within you and you find yourself suddenly understand yourself a little better.

An example of this i can offer is something that comes up often in the series entitled The Dresden Files which is authored by Jim Butcher. It follows a wizard named Harry Dresden (note the name!) as he has adventures in modern day society and, to quote the book, "Does what he can to hold a torch up to the darkness".

Interesting quote isn't it? This is the point where my ego screams that in a way this is what i am trying to do with this blog. Offer up my little nuggets of whatever wisdom i have had the chance to piece together in my relatively short life. It isn't anywhere near the most i could do, but it is what i am prepared to do now as i work towards being a better person.

Anywho away from that tangent. The thing with the Dresden Files is the one thing which gets pounded into the reader over and over is essentially that the choices you make shape the person you are. That is the main idea which spoke to me. So i read those books over and over, i tend to go through at least the first 3 books at some point during a year and remind myself of that.

But there are other books i have read, after all i always need to be reading something or i feel incomplete. I have read books from the library, read books from stores, borrowed books from friends. I have devoured them ever single chance i get. And in doing so i have learned from them.

But something else happens when i read (and i know it happens to at least most if not all of you too but this space is, as i said before, about me!), i get emotionally involved with what happens. I worry about the characters the same way i worry about people in my real life. I care about them the same way i do in real life.

Hell one of the things that bugged me the most about the Harry Potter books was that if Harry had been a real person after the 5th book i wouldn't have talked to him. Not cause of the stupid slander that rained down on his head but rather because of the fact that he was such a prick to the people who actually cared. It was the sudden shift that was the first thing that started fucking with my love of those books.

And yet again i find myself on a tangent! Back to the point dude! To use a better example just this past week i finished reading the book Little Brother by Cory Doctorow, and i gotta say it was brilliant. It works to display the way that freedoms can be removed in modern society because of the fear of terrorists, and shows of way to resit. It most importantly though showed that there really was no point in the defenses that were offered, instead there would need to be better thought out plans which were not being adopted.

Yes, i recommend this book to all of you to read, though there are a few people i know that i specifically have told that they should read it because i think it will appeal to them more than most others.

Despite how much i loved this book i will never buy it. Why? Because i buy books i will read again and again. This one i don't know if i will. It was brilliant and moving and appealed to so much of who i am. The problem was it also made me feel a kind of rage throughout most of it. An anger directed towards ignorance.

A different book which i also loved and bought is called Sacrament and was written by Clive Barker. A truly well written book that offers up a notion of a world that we think we understand but then realize all we currently see is the surface. It really was a wonderfully moving book that i own and maintains an important place on my bookshelf but i doubt i will ever read it more than perhaps 3 times in my lifetime.

Why? Simply that it was too moving, and though it taught me about myself it taught lessons that were painful enough i don't really want to relive them. It captured me the first time, i don't know if it could manage it the second time through and i don't want to try. I still recommend it to people but i find that i can't read it myself again.

This brings me to the point of this post. If you have ever talked to me or read anything that i have posted here before you know i hold both Harry Potter and Twilight in disdain because of the quaility of their writing, well this is me saying that i am going to try and maintain the "if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all."

That is correct, i am going to try and stop insulting those books. You all have no idea how painful this will be for me. Still, they have become a source of negativity for me and so it is time to remove them and move on.

Besides, maybe someone else will read them and learn something that otherwise they wouldn't have, and who am i to stop that? I can't even drink in Vegas yet...

What are books that you have read and never will again? What lessons did they teach you?

1 + 1 = 1

So what am i going to write about tonight? Well i suppose i could write about how i took that whole not writing till August thing and just forgot about it. Or i could forget about it, and that is what i am going to do.

Instead tonight i want to write about my relationship with God, because i find it to be something amusing. I think that my view while unique does have something to offer.

I have a perspective on God that, to be honest, i share with just one other person. Well, that's one way to put it. I mean that he understands my view even if he does not agree with it.

My relationship with God... Well my actual beliefs line up along with the supporting the idea that God is not this big ancient all powerful parental unit that planned everything that has or will happen so completely that the few rules he planned out would always be right.

Something in that just strikes me as wrong. Something in that strikes me as wrong that the being which created all of reality out of nothing would really care who you have sex with and when, or that you use a condom. Is it just me or do these things strike you as kinda extremely trivial?

I can't help but think of a line from the TV show Life right now, which is "one plus one equals one". I know, this notion sounds kinda weird, kinda stupid, and more than a little cheesy. This line is an expression that the separation between all people is nothing more than an illusion. This lines up with another line in the show "Even as we exhale it is inhaled by others. Even as i exhale it is inhaled by my friend. Even as i exhale it is inhaled by my enemy. In this way i am no different from my friend, in this way i am no different from my enemy."

See even though we cannot see the air it is there. (if you want more cheesy lines about air being there go watch Bulletproof Monk)

Even though we don't realize it, the very things that make us up are constantly changing and shifting, constantly dropping away to be replaced by new atoms and molecules. Even though physically we all are constantly changing and yet we remain the same.

So i guess we work down to my idea of what God is, is that combination of all beings. That we all are God, and there is a balance that forms, there is a pattern in the chaos. Actually there are patterns, and you can choose which to see.

So yes, you will see me point up at the ceiling or sky and say "you know you have a fucking twisted sense of humor" but really that is just me joking around. If only the universe was that simple.

Explaining My Absence

Hello out there all you looney people who actually bother to read this (and yes, i do appreciate it), long time no chat! Why is this you may ask? Where have i been? Why have i not been writing to you?

Did i suffer some kind of terrible accident, like electricuting myself when i was attempting to charge a remote controlled car? No, because sadly i don't have a remote controlled car at my house... Did i get hurt in some other way that is a little less amusing? No, i remain unhurt (except for my head, but blame stats class for that!), instead the reason i haven't been writing these long one sided conversations to all of you is far less interesting, far less joyful, frankly it is far less fun.

I have been (wait for it! Can i get a drum roll please?) doing my homework (GASP!) and focusing on that rather than on the blog that i write for fun and self fulfillment (DOUBLE GASP!!).

Yes, i know, me taking a responsible view of my work and focusing on what matters right now rather than what i simply want to do. Shocking, its almost like i am a mature student who realizes that sometimes class really is important!

So yes, for the past while i have been working on an essay followed by a lab report and as such i have been working on doing a good job on both (or at least not a really crappy job done the day before...) so that i will get a semi decent mark.

Why are you writing a post now? you might be tempted to ask, well simply i have decided to take one night off before going back and working on my autobiography and studying for the exams i have next week. Yes, i am going to write an autobiography. No, it is not by choice, it is for a class. No, i probably will not end up posting it here.

But anywho, because of this time off from blogging i felt the urge to write it and explain it. I also might pound out several posts tonight to even things out. Looking forward to writing to all of you again on my semi-regular basis come August! TTYL

Rule 4: Talk to Those who Matter About What Matters

So in case you can't tell i am still trying to work through the massive list of ideas that i sent myself, and keep sending myself. I have to admit i love always having an idea to work with but i kinda miss the whole complete free fall blog. But oh well, i guess i will have to find a way to work around that. I mean i don't really want to write about a pre-picked topic but i also kind of really want to.

But anywho, onto today's topic to write about, relationships and "the talk". Why did this occur to me to think about? Could be that i have strong opinions on it? Could it be that a bunch of thoughts were bouncing around in my head about it a while ago and it made me want to write about it?

Well i have to say that while those things seem to be true, the most likely reason that i had the thought to write about relationships and "the talk" is because of the fact that i have been watching the show Scrubs like the crazy addict i am.

Yes, i know, it sometimes makes it seem like a soap opera and sometimes seems like a comedy but for me it reflects a lot more of what life is really like. Well perhaps not life... but it goes along with a lot of my views.

Anywho the main idea here is about relationships. Something i have been thinking about is relationships. I have been a person that people talk to about their relationships for a long time and want to know the dirty little secret i have been taught from all of them? That the more people tend to worry about how their relationships are going to work or not the more that they tend to lie or hide who they are.

See that is a massive problem, i mean if you truly want to be with a person, truly have a lasting relationship with them then you need to be honest with yourself and with them.

The other part i know is going to sound odd for me advocating but oh well, what i am talking about here is selfishness & compromise. Namely you need to be selfish a bit in your relationship, you need to realize the things that you can't change, the things you need, and what it is that is too much for you. You need to decide what it is that you wont give up about yourself for someone else.

The compromise comes in from the same thought process, you need to realize what things are not more important to you than your relationship. These are the parts of yourself that you don't consider more important than getting it to work. Its these things that when it comes down to it you need to be willing to let go rather than continue to fight over.

When it comes down to it, these things are what "the talk" is all about. They are about you talking (shocker, i know) to the other person about what you mean to them, about being honest about what they mean to you, and about your life in general. It pisses me off that there is this whole image of an honest relationship being something so scary.

There is a line in season 4 of Scrubs (yes, i know, you want the connection to Scrubs to be over with already!) in which one of the older characters says to two of the younger characters "Anything in life worth having doesn't come easy, you have to work for it" or something to that affect. The right relationship with the right person, does that sound like something worth having?

And if telling the truth, learning about what really matters, and letting a few fights go is the hardest work you have to do, is it really that bad? Speaking as a writer, and as someone who tries to be honest all the time, let me tell you, lies are more work than the truth.

When I Wont Write MWBN

OK dude, readers, people who surf the interwebs. I am gonna write you another blog post right now. Why? Why am i writing another one today? Why am i not working on MWBN or reading the bible or some other such activity which fills so much of my time?

Well mainly it is actually this kind of exhaustion flowing through me cause i have only eaten really crappy food lately. No, sorry, that's a lie. I have been eating whole wheat bread and cold meats, but i haven't been eating enough fruits or veggies, i have been missing out on eating garlic and ginger, and i stopped consuming tea ever since the stupid heat wave hit.

So as such a lot of the stuff i have been eating which made me feel full of energy and vitality. Instead now i have been falling prey to the westernized diet and it took till today for me to feel the full effects. Basically i need to go shopping for lots of fruits and veggies and try to be an almost vegetarian for a while.

So instead of doing these things which i need to be doing in order simply to reach the end, (and i know, i have been saying it is all about the journey) but if you never reach the end it is just as bad and focusing on reaching the end too soon.

So yes, i write another blog post because it quite simply is easier to do than to try to learn a new skill, to write a truly well written story. That is part of the problem, i don't just want to write out the story, create the path, and then leave it. It has to be the right path, it has to be one in which the full potential of the characters and their story comes out.

Yes, this story is also mine. It is mine in that i am the one who writes it, the one who is there when the first pain, the first joy, the first fall and the first triumph is experienced by each character. But... i guess a part of me feels some kind of relation to Chuck in Supernatural, to the movie Stranger Than Fiction, and to the movie Inkheart.

In each of these works there is an author who writes out a work, for the sake of art, or for the fact that this story comes into their mind, and they feel that they have no choice but to write it down. This is the feeling i have when i think about this story. I know the plot-line, i know what needs to be said. The problem is that it isn't just my story, it is about those who are the characters in it as well.

And to them i feel a responsibility. Its probably part of my insanity but it has to do with the way i write, with what i demand of myself. And that is why, when i feel tired and my head aches and i can't really focus i blog, but i don't write MWBN, because to write in that state is to fail. To knowingly fail, and that i wont allow.

Rule 3: Remeber to Work at Being Friends

Its late at night, so late that it is early. True i have been going to bed around 4 am lately, but 1:41 still counts as so late that it is early right? Ah well, even if it doesn't you can't object till i publish this post, so for now it counts, AHAHAHAHAHA! Ahem, now that the evil laughter is out of the way i can continue with the writing.

So i decided tonight on my drive home (home from where you may ask, though my response will be for the story here it doesn't matter so quit reading the writing inside the brackets and just listen) i decided that there is a post i kinda need to write and, shockingly, post.

See there is this idea that has been kicking around my head for a few months now. Have you ever watched the TV show Supernatural? (i promise there is a point, i am not just trying to get all the fan-girls excited) Well if you have watched it enough to be able to remember the evil creature which eats your soul after mimicking the voice of your loved one who died recently over the phone (yes that all needs to be included together, sorry for the spoiler) then you remember that it talks about how it used to go hungry for so long because it couldn't draw people away from their communities.

Its point was that back in those unenlightened times when people lived in straw huts without central air and bananas flow in, before they got to enjoy Twinkies and Oreos, before ipods and other such things. Back when farming was the norm (yes i enjoy pointing out new things a little too much, but oh well). Way back then, people were closer than we are now. And because of this, because of this sense of community people didn't tend to fall prey to this creature as often as he would have liked.

I know, i know, this doesn't seem to make a lot of sense, i mean is it a cynic like me who blogs on a somewhat out of date computer calling for us all to forsake technology and return to living in the un-air-conditioned huts? Hell to the no!

If i could get air-conditioning for my house right now i would. I love my tech.

Rather, my point comes after spending 8 months living in a one room place in a building with i don't know how many other people. It comes after becoming really close with one group of people, and kinda close with a lot of others (and for some reason my f button isn't working well, so if it is missing from a word, that is why and don't mock me too much).

It comes to me after taking an ASIST course. It comes from being a little obsessed with psych, it comes from being a listening and doing anything in my power to help people out if they ask for it and i can. But honestly, what it comes from most of all (and if you thought of How the Grinch Stole Christmas when you read that line you weren't alone) is moving into my own house before any of the roommates that i want to live with moved in.

See we were a close knit community last year, and this up coming year i dunno if we will be. I don't know how much time i will spend with the people i used to spend damn near every night getting my ass kicked in pool by. I don't know how often we will be able to pull all nighters and watch movies till breakfast opens. (Though personally, i am thinking that this year breakfast should be at Wimpy's)

But what i do know is this, i know over the course of this year, not to mention all the years after it, that i am going to need other people, and like it or not at least some of you are going to need/want me to be around. I know that even if we can't spend every single night together hanging out we can still be there when it counts. And i know that if we really, truly are good friends, then when it comes down too it, we wont let the little things drive us apart forever (though if any of my roomies steal too much of my tea they better be prepared to buy me some new stuff!)

So what i am proposing here is a kind of openness. Its a kind of openess i am planning to mirror in my blog. I am not going to share every little detail with you, you don't need to know the color of my boxers, or what happens on a date. But the choices i make, the places i go, things i think are important about me, those i will share. And if you are a friend of mine i hope you listen and when you need to, i hope you do the same.

Way Back Before the MWBN

Ok, gonna try something different here. I am going to write what comes to me instead of one of the pre-thought-of-topics of the past several posts. Ya, i am going back to classes blog style for me here instead of new blog style. How is it gonna go? No clue.

The main thing right now is the freaking sweltering heat which is attempting to melt my house down around my ears apparently. Well that and the song Tell Her This by Del Amitri, loving this song currently.

But yes what else is going through my mind? What else can i write about? hmmm.... If it was a radio show i would tell somebody to call in a request but i can't really do that...

Instead i think i will talk a little bit about my relationship with writing, aka the love-lust-mindfuck that is my relationship with it. (and be for warned, i am slowly becoming as cocky as a few people in my life have always been, meaning i don't really introduce myself as "hi, I'm awesome", or at least not yet)

Do you all out there remember when you were forced to write those little short stories for school, it would be about some kind of theme and you would just be expected to write something in some way, like say a story about the pioneers newly in Canada... Sometimes you would be lucky enough to get to write whatever you wanted but this wasn't a frequent occurrence.

Well i forget exactly when but sometime when i was home after the winter semester of university ended i found one of my old stories and it got me thinking back about what it was like to write then. And to be honest it was a colossal pain in the keester. I hate writing stories back then, so instead of really writing stories i took some stuff that i had taught myself about animals or the area or something and wrote about that.

Those stories we also quite clearly the work of a little boy, fights and battles without the idea of loss or emotion. They were not great, in fact they were far from it. But, considering my age, and how much i disliked the activity at the time they actually were kinda good... In my eyes, and no one out there is a harder critic of me than me (why do you think none of these posts gets edited more than the firefox spell check? nothing would ever get posted if i tried).

Did i at the time have a clear and bright talent for writing, was i suddenly going to discover this talent, this hope and instantly know how to write wonderful thoughts and pen down every feeling that crossed my mind? Fuck no. I wrote for school only when i had to, i tried to keep a journal at a couple points but it failed. (currently i am actually managing to write in one on a semi regular basis)

So why am i going on about this period? Because i wasn't gifted at it, i wasn't brilliant at it, but i was good. Yes there were people better, there still are, in fact off the top of my head i can think of 3 blogs put out by people i know that give me a serious run for my money if don't flat out blow by me and leave me eating their dust. The fact that i wasn't the best writer, the smartest, the most talented doesn't matter. There was something then that a teacher could have worked with or at least slightly encouraged.

And currently thinking about it, it is slowly pissing me off just a bit. Not that lack of encouragement, well ya that is, but more so those stupid contests for speeches and stories that they have through grade school. Yes, i get it, you want all of us to get over being shy and be comfortable in front of everyone else. Fine, but lacking giving encouragement to kids who are developing and then ranking them by your own standards is just wrong.

If you want to give a kid a prize for doing well at it fine, but to then say "X's was worse" and furthermore to not even include some kids is a great way to squash the joy out of people. So ya, i went through grade school and over half of high school without writing a lot, i read people's works, i devoured books every single free second i could. But i never really wrote anything myself because to me, at that point, i didn't have the talent so what was the point?

I didn't understand that writing can be so very much a form of release and a way to vent. I have to wonder, if i wrote in a journal then as i do now, without any censor or block from what i think, would it have changed who i am? Would i be as hard line as i am about some things? Would i trust a little easier? I don't know. It is entirely possible that i would be harsher, that i would trust less.

But back to this story of how i started writing, like most stories told by a guy, there is a girl. It wasn't romantic, she was dating a very good friend of mine, we sat side by side in chemistry (grade 11, totally failed the course and couldn't have cared less). She lent me a book by the author Garth Nix called Sabriel. I don't know why or what is it about this book, but every time i read it i have to write. Not want to, have to.

I think it might have been that i enjoyed it so much that time and it had been such a long since i had bothered to read something in this genre. Anyways, me being as picky as me, i didn't know if i would be able to find something i would like and i guess the thought occurred "why don't i write it". I can't tell you what the date was, but i can tell you that i got up, crossed the room, sat down and started writing at my desk. I can tell you that i sat there for somewhere between a half an hour and 2 hours. I can tell you i wrote the entire prologue in its first draft. I can tell you it was that moment that i fell into the mad love-lust relationship with writing.

(to my parents, that means if you don't like me being a writing blame that author and that girl)

Ever since then i have written a little bit, be it blogs, journal entries, or starts of stories. I haven't ever actually managed to finish any of them. Journals and blogs don't end, and as for my stories, i tend to play with an idea until it occurs to me to write a different one and then i jump ship asap and start the new one.

And that is changing, i am planning and working out a novel like a real writer or something, i am reading the "great works" to get perspective, reading new authors to remind myself that it isn't all as bad as the old stuff, and when all else fails and i don't manage to work on MWBN i still do some work for this place or in my journal. I'm a writer, the bug took a while to work its way under my skin but now i have one in my brain and one in my heart. And neither of them are going anywhere. This is gonna sound monumentally cheesy, and it is, and i don't care i am writing it here anyways.

I don't believe in soul mates, i don't believe that there is that one person out there for you, the universe just isn't that simple. But i do believe there is something that is in you to do above and beyond everything else you do. For me that thing is writing. If i do have a soul mate it isn't a person, it is this activity, when i get to write something that truly expresses how i feel. That is the one thing i could never willingly give up.

P.S. Next two posts will be the original prologue for MWBN and the new one once it is edited.

Happy Happy Un-Birthday

So one of the many many many ideas that floated through my head to write about but i didn't get the time to do so until now is a simple one, one that people in most places where they can read thing would be able to appropriate and have some sort of opinion on (even if it is the kind of opinion that has no thought or focus). And that subject, the subject that i am going to expound upon right now is the subject of birthdays.

Yes, i am going to try and write about birthdays, despite the fact that mine is months away. Why do i feel like writing about birthdays and all that they entail? I have no clue, except that they seem to be popping up in conversation again and again. So here i go. Writing about birthdays... what really is there to say?

Well for starters, everyone has one, if you don't then... well frankly i am quite concerned, but also quite curious so please explain... Anyways birthdays, well what happens at birthdays? Parties, that's what!

Depending on the person depends on the type of party. If your someone who wants to get drunk, and go around pulling stupid stunts then you can do so, if you want to spend a night in a jazz bar quietly sipping on some fine wine you can. For that matter if you want to go sky diving that also is allowed.

People gather together and celebrate that X number of years ago you came crying and screaming into the world if you were lucky. And we celebrate that you survived another year and aged another year and get to start a whole new year. There are as many different ways to spend that day as there are people who have them.

And that brings me to the idea of how would i like to spend my birthday. My birthday is located at the start of the school year, and as i am someone who spent a lot of their life without making friends with a bunch of people that quickly and as such my birthday has been something more in line of quiet contemplation of the past year and looking forward to the new year.

It gives me a different perspective on it, and thinking about this up coming year, thinking about my birthday in a few months and wondering with the number of people i know now how would i really like to spend it? Just the other night driving home i felt a... kind of pulse in the city, an urge to go out to a bar and have some fun.

Would i want to do that? I have had fun with a lot of different people in bars and parties over the past 2 years. I have had a lot of fun, expanded who i am, so is that something i would want to do for my own? No. Not at all.

Rather i want to spend a simple night at my house, maybe have a beer or two, write some, and enjoy not doing anything more than simply feeling comfortable in my skin. The night before or the night after, the weekend that is closest, sure. But that day? I would much rather simply relax and write as much as i could before it became distasteful.

Side note: MWBN (my wanna-be novel), i have set 2 deadlines for it. By August 29th i want to have the first 5 chapters done, and by October 31st have 6-10 done.

Friends, Acquaintances, What is the Dif?

Second post of the day. Why am i posting twice in one day you may ask? Well it could be because i am so opinionated that i never run out of things to talk about because, like the Dr., if there is one thing i can do, it is talk. It could be because i missed blogging the past couple days because of a hectic yet awesome spin my life took. It could be because i am obsessed with writing and i feel the need to create something even if it is just a blog post. Or it simply could be cause i feel like it. Personally i vote for all of the above.

But back to the post! What, pray do tell, am i going to talk about this evening when i feel like the Wicked Witch of the West after a bath? (Cause it is so hot i am melting! ha ha ha... wow that was bad) but yes it is hot here, and sadly though my house is awesome and wonderful and kinda smells of cat... it has no AC, and with no AC comes a very sad me, who avoids moving as much as physically possible.

So what have i done instead? Well i actually just finished writing an email to an old friend of mine who i didn't write or talk to at all during the past year and realized that i really regretted that so i am hoping it isn't to late to repair our friendship. See that is what i actually want to talk about.

Friendship, what is it that makes someone your friend? I know that before this past year my number of people i actually considered friends was quite small. The reason for this is that i tend to be really... well non-trusting, and there were not a lot of people that felt real enough to me that i could consider them friends. They were people i would spend time with, occasionally exchange a story or two that we found funny, but would i ask them advice? Tell them about a serious problem?

Not on your life! See i didn't want to trust people who i didn't feel desurved it, and so i have friends, aquantances, and people who i would nod/say "hi, whats up?" to, but they wouldn't count amongst my friends.

Now this sounds kind of heartless and mean and makes me seem kinda like i jerk, or at least so i have been told (personally i think it makes sense, otherwise why would i do so?). In getting to know one person recently i became just how aware of how little a lot of people know about me.

And do you know what? I count that as a good thing.

Namely, you ask me a question, i answer, you have a conversation that is involved with me i will tell you stories. I can explain to anyone what makes me who i am. I have a few things i wont share, a few things that are too personal, but for the most part what has made me who i am is something i am comfortable telling anyone.

The thing i have noticed is that the people who i consider friends now are those who either don't bother with my past as something important or actually ask until they know a fair amount about it.

I love both these groups of people, they are the ones i want around me. The rest of you? If you don't take the time to know my past or appropriate my present why would i enjoy either of yours?

Look at your Baggage

So woke up today at 11:50, which was perfect because that is about 7 hours after i fell asleep. You probably have a lot of questions about that, namely, what the fuck were you doing up that late? Sadly it wasn't anything really that exciting... I was playing Kingdom Hearts and couldn't kill a couple bosses, which resulted in me swearing profusely and refusing to sleep until i killed the last couple.

Anywho, waking up at 11:50 brings me to the idea that i want to use in this post. See, today also being Canada Day means that i don't have to go to class, i don't work till the weekend, and i am currently caught up on all my homework! That means today gets to be a day where i get to work on things that i want to work on! Gasp!

Anywho, for me that means working on the novel i am somewhat attempting to create, it means i get to blog, it means i get to read, i get to enjoy tea, i get to journal some more because i haven't been doing that. Basically i am going to spend the day working like the starting up writer i am. That got me thinking about a line from the show Lie To Me. I can't remember what exactly happens during the episode but the woman who is new to the company is required to verify that a judge who is being considered for the supreme court doesn't have any deep dark secrets hiding in his closet just waiting to jump out and smack the president over the head.

What happens is that she goes through the first few questions about his life she is nervous and worried because she considers him so much more important than herself in the grand scheme of things. Then she discovers that he has lied and gains much more confidence but it isn't enough to get the job done so instead in comes her boss who gets him to admit the entire thing, she has the character growth moment where she sees it was a lie for a good reason and everybody goes home happy.

The point that i am getting to with this long cheesy story is that her actions were guided by her insecurities because (as is said in the show) "you are on your way to becoming one of the foremost deception experts on the planet, but you still think of yourself as a luggage checker at the airport. That needs to change."

See the main thing behind this is that you need to be less fixed on who you were and more focused on who you are becoming. This is a notion i personally deal with once every so often, namely i spend most of my time thinking i am a writer, then every so often i think "not really, i am more of a wanna be..." and it is this back and forth which is kinda fun but a little more frustrating.

Anywho it is a part of growing up that i just recently had an eye opening with. See this waking up to who you are becoming, that growing form of self respect and eye opening is something you need to see yourself as you are. And face it, which is healthier, self delusion or facing who you are without hiding behind false thoughts and images?

New Words, New Lessons

So as you know if you have read this blog before, i am currently taking summer courses. If you are new to my blog, Welcome! and i am taking summer courses at my university. Why am i doing something as completely and utterly ludicrous as taking classes during my summer months rather than relaxing and sleeping in till 12? Well because A) i am a giant nerd and love my classes, and B) i can use the OSAP money to pay my rent so that i can move out without having to work and finally C) because in my house i get to spend most of my time relaxing and sleeping in till 12.

The next question is what courses is it that i am taking? Well see, first you have to know what kind of degree i am taking. I affectionately refer to it as my "psychotic degree that is absolutely good for nothing", see this degree is a joint major with psychology and philosophy, that carries with it a minor in indigenous studies.

Third question of the day should generally be WTF, and why? Simply put, i love philosophy. Something you should know if you have read even one of my posts before. If you haven't, i love philosophy. Also though this year i discovered my love for psych, which oddly enough was around long before my love of philosophy, i just forgot about it.

However something else i learned this year was that i hate a lot of western philosophy, and i think that getting simply a philosophy degree, besides from being useless in the practical world, is really biased towards one way of thinking. So i decided to take indigenous studies to balance out philosophy. As such, the classes i am taking this summer are Stats 2016 & 2017 which i need in order to get my psych major, and INDG 1000 to try it out and make sure it is something that i actually want to continue in.

Anyway, while stats is boring to the point that i text people informing them that i am dying and begging them to save me, indigenous studies is actually a lot of fun. Despite the fact that it is bright an early, starting at 9 am, when i manage to make it i love it. And i love the naps when i pass out in the middle of the lectures... (yes, i truly am not a morning person in the slightest)

Anywho, let me tell what it is that i love about this class. Its that the languages become part of the lecture which are completely unrelated to English, which is great. Yes, i love English, it is a wonderful language which is why i write and write and write, its why i want to be a writer, a novelist, i want to travel the world and explore different areas. I want to create my own worlds and societies with words so that other people can see in their minds.

But i digress, back to my point of learning bits and pieces of languages which are not related to English gives totally new expressions of thoughts and experiences which cannot be expressed in this language. It is in these totally new words that i am reminded of an old Zen is Stupid podcast (yes, you should go listen to all of them) that talks about words from other languages which express thoughts and ideas foreign to the English language that enrich their lives.

Thats why my task for all of you who are not currently engaged into some kind of learning a new task or skill for the summer should take some time to learn a few words in a new language, one not related to what you naturally speak.